Hot Sex on Tuesday: Masturbation of the mutual kind

It’s national masturbation month and while this is my first post about masturbation in May, it’s definitely not my first post about masturbation material. Still, today’s post (and consequent photo from my soon to be released book Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight!) is a friendly reminder to masturbate, and if you can, make it a mutual thang.

Illustration: Benjamin Wachenje

According to Wikipedia, the definition of masturbation can actually involve touching other people (and I’ve heard the sentence, “I masturbated him to orgasm”) however, when I think of masturbation, I’m generally referring to self-stimulation. Self-stimulation, self-love, jacking or jilling off, whatever term you use when you reference wanking or diddling the body parts under where? under there!, doesn’t mean you have to be alone when you do it.

What I’m getting at, using a certain nursery rhyme, is, when Jack and Jill rolled down the hill they may not have just fetched a pail of water. Maybe Jack and Jill (sometime after breaking his crown and Jill tumbling down), jacked and jilled off! Perhaps, to relieve the pain of rolling down a hill, or because pain turned to pleasure, Jack and Jill touched themselves, on the same hill! at the same time! without touching each other. Whether for sexual or soothing purposes, it doesn’t matter why they did it, but what if they did it? Oh, the things the two of them could have learned about each other’s bodies.

I’ve said this next statement a bit, but it bears repeating. Mutual masturbation is the best touching and teaching tool we’ve got when it comes to showing our partner the chutes and ladders to our sexual pleasure and orgasmic potential. And while at least 78% of men and 60% of women under the age of 50 admitted to masturbating in the last year, according to 2010′s National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, approximately 41% of men and 38% of women engaged in mutual or “partnered” masturbation (the percentages tend to drop drastically in the 50+ age groups for partnered masturbation and in the 70+ age group for men and 60+ age group for women for self-pleasure without a partner’s gaze). It’s time to bring those mutual masturbation numbers up.

There are ways to touch during mutual masturbation, as long as the hand stimulating the erogenous areas belongs to the person whose body is being touched. Or you can sit close together (see above picture) and touch, but not sexy touch. Eye gazing and masturbating from across the room works too. Whatever way you decide, don’t rule out solo sex as a way to get closer to your partner. After all, if you can’t love yourself, how well can you really love anybody else?


When my friend, and fellow sex writer Rachel Kramer Bussel wrote on ode to pussy wax, I knew it was time for another TMI moment…But before that: Toying with Tuesday will be back again Wednesday with products by Good Clean Love - and I’ll be on the Lunch with the Loveologist podcast tomorrow. I’m seriously considering making the Tuesday to Wednesday thing a permanent change, one where it will henceforth be called Do What?! Where?! Wednesday….

Let’s get down to the bizness of wax…man. Pussy waxing, really, or for those of us bold enough to admit it (and not Asian enough to be without it), pussy and butt waxing, aka the brazilian. “We” meaning a group of friends and I, were just discussing the ass thing last night (bleeding assholes to be exact) and why when we all have at least one asshole in our life, but not necessarily a bleeding asshole, it’s still one of the hardest holes to talk about. The point here is, most of us have hair in our ass crack, and yet, the idea of having hair in our ass crack does seem rather gross.

I only wax below my belly button and above my thighs. I shave the legs and the pits, although if it were up to me and me alone, I’d stop the pit shaving. I find hairy armpits sexy and smelly, in a good sort of smelly way, but most guys I date, they don’t like it so much. Still, when it comes to the pubes, no more shaving for me, not since that first rip back in 2007. The reason I love waxing is simple; there’s less hair over a longer period of time and the more you do it, the less hair grows back. The reason I dread waxing is also simple; it can hurt like a motherf-ker, although I’m not sure how much a motherf-ker generally hurts. When you have a waxer who isn’t gentle and she doesn’t hold your lips and pull the right way (go with the hair) then it sucks. Then, and right around the period, it hurts way more then too.

These days, I’m lucky. I’ve found a few good waxers, some who also carry the more sensitive green wax, cause I’m a sensitive kind-of Waxman. That means I’m not getting as bruised or bleeding as much. I know the bleeding sounds gross too, but just to clarify here, it can happen during shaving as well.  The strangest, most uncomfortable part for me is how close the wax person gets with her face. How she gets all up in my junk and dissects the hairs and the lips and the asshole, and how personal it is, even when I don’t know her name or favorite color. And then when she’s asking me to hold my ass cheeks so she can get deep in the crack, that’s probably the most humbling moment. But other than that, I love waxing (not all of it off, I prefer the Bermuda Triangle look), and I’m happy I can grin and bare it, which is unlike sugaring, a form of modern-day torture. The point is, try waxing, once, especially if you have as much hair as me, and you want to get rid of the stubble in certain sensitive areas. If you try it - or already love it, you know (or will know) what I’m talking about.

Just remember, there’s a fine line between pleasure and pain, and a not so fine line between waxing and shaving. And then, all lines are crossed when it comes to animation about bleeding anuses.

Astroglide (Naturally) & Lelo Luna Beads

This week on Toying with Tuesday, I’m reviewing Lelo‘s Luna Beads, a fun way to remember to practice sexual health and pleasure at the same time. To more easily slide the beads to their desired locale (in the vagina), I served myself up with a handy helping of Astroglide Natural. I’m a big fan of the pelvic floor (yay, pelvic floor, thanks for holding us all in place) and the exercises associated with strengthening the muscles that surround the vagina, urethra, bladder and anus (on guys, it supports the penis and the rest of the package). I once made a short video about exercising your pelvic floor muscles and I know that my own orgasms have changed for the better as a result of regular pelvic floor exercises.

So, that’s why I will always love the Luna Beads and other products geared towards strengthening the vagina (it is a muscle, use it or lose it). When inserted along with lube it makes for two great tastes that taste great together, even if Astroglide’s Natural lubricant doesn’t taste - or smell - all that natural. Oh well. It still worked.

Watch the review:

The G-ki. Hells yeah the G-spot exists.

For some reason, filming in certain areas of my, uhm, “set” makes thing very yellow, as you will see in the video below:

While recent research out of England claims the G-spot doesn’t exist, those of us who don’t believe the research can play with another recent “study” out of England that’s designed to help you enjoy G-spot stimulation. It’s the G-ki by JeJoue.

NOTE: Just realized that this toy is not available yet (doh!), but you can pre-order it here, and as soon as it’s available everywhere, I’ll link to it, k?

I didn’t edit the video. So for no editing, what do you think? Would you try the G-ki?

Just Don’t Do It

I like Yvonne Fulbright. I think she’s sweet. I understand that she writes for Fox News, and that there may be certain instructions, or perhaps some call them expectations, about how to think once you’re reprogrammed employed there, so that may explain why she quickly, and at the end of her story on when to have sex, and how-not-to-really-do-it-on-the-first-date, offers up this sage advice:

Some people can pull off sex on the first date. I know couples who have gone on to fall madly in love with each other for the long-term.

However the rest of her answer heeds caution of giving up the milk too soon and for too little, especially if you want the person to love you long time.

But most aren’t so lucky, which is why every person — and every potential or committed couple — needs to take the time to contemplate when to go all the way. For some people, such “sexpectations” involve anywhere from four to nine weeks of dating. For others, it may take months or even a couple of years. In the meantime, most expect plenty of kissing — at least just for the first date.

Read More»

A stroke (of bad luck) during sex

Image by Sunniako

Today’s “tip tuesday” is just a reminder that sometimes an orgasm, isn’t an orgasm, isn’t an orgasm.

A 35 year-old woman in Illinois was recently the victim of an orgasm-induced stroke. Apparently she’s doing alright these days, but she waited a long time to get her blissed-out ass to the hospital, causing a lot more commotion than originally necessary.

How can you determine if the orgasm that should feel oh, so good, actually feels oh, so wrong? Let’s start with the happy signs of an orgasm? Some of the more obvious ones include toes curling, a change in breathing, a flushed face, dilated pupils (you can see this in a person who keeps his or her eyes open when they come), an arched back and lots of “Oh babies,” or maybe even the more obvious, “Don’t stop I’m going to come.”

If, however, you experience things like slurred speech, a sudden lack of consciousness or numbness in any extremity, or on one side of the body, you may want to think twice about coming, and instead go… to the 911 - whatever comes first.

I’m not a doctor, and I don’t play one on TV - so if you want to read more on the strokegasm, I’m happy to refer you here (CBS News) or here (Amateur Scientist).

Vibrators 101

If you’ve never bought a vibe before, or even if you have, you can get a brief intro to the vibrator in this piece from Cherry TV. Basically, if you want to get a vibe, whether it be your first or well, not your first, if it were up to me, I wouldn’t spend a lot (under $50), and I’d go for something hard and plastic. I think hard plastic has the strongest vibration, or at least the possibility for strong vibration, whereas a lot of softer vibes never produce enough power. Of course if you don’t want a lot of power, you don’t need to go hard and plastic, but I like being able to play with power. Know what I mean?

One other note: If you just watched the above video, or if you’re about to, I ask you to forgive my long pauses. I was hoping they’d be edited out, but they obviously weren’t. Sometimes I just talked too long without taking a break, and I simply needed to spit or swallow my spit, and without edits, the “natural” sound of a pause (while I swallow) is what you get. I think lots of us have had this dilemma before (to spit or swallow), only not necessarily while being filmed for the interweb.

Tune in next Tuesday for another tip, technique or teachable moment, cause I’m trying to actually get myself on a schedule, so you know what you’ll get on this blog every time you check me out. And that means Tuesday is Tip Tuesday. Are you as excited as I am?

© Copyright Jamye Waxman M.Ed.