Jan

30

Divine Dating Inspiration

tmi

I haven’t posted anything personal in a while, but sometimes you get the itch and you….MUST….scratch.

I’m online dating for the first time in years, and for the first time ever I’m also paying for it (both financially and physically - as in online dating is draining and takes time). I paid for a six month membership to one site, which now, I sort of look back at with regret, or at least the serious inclination to shake my past-self and say what were you thinking? Online dating means weeding through the loonies, or the guys who don’t know how to meet women offline. Sure, it’s also about weeding through the other guys, but even a lot of those are a little crazy.

Take this response for example:

“It was shitty and hurtful the way you left with out saying a word last night. Some people think that if you meet people on line that they aren’t real people, deserving of common courtesy. You have no class. Don’t bother to contact me again. Live cheap, die cheap.”

Okay, he was a lot crazy, and maybe I have no class (at least for posting his last message to me).

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May

25

Sex Toy: Simply Blown Glass Dildo

sex toy / tmi / video

It had been years before I realized I had left my specially picked (not the one above) Simply Blown green glass dildo behind. Back in the day, before Simply Blown had as many styles and colors to choose from, I was offered my very own glass didlo. I had never owned my own molten crystal glass dildo (that word molten makes me wet), and the thought that I could own it in green! green! made me very happy. Although I guess not that happy, since years went by, and I forgot all about it. Then, about three weeks ago I thought, “where is that glass dildo that those guys at Simply Blown gave me. I have no idea.”  It had been years since I’d seen it, and I have never even used it. Thoughts are powerful and just last week, whilst podcasting at my dear friend Fifi Jingles home, we started to talk about her arsenal of sex toys. She offered to show me her stash, and right there, smack dab in the middle of her stash, she pulled out a Simply Blown green glass dildo. She explained how I left it at her house for fear of breakage (silly fear, it’s a tough toy) and I had forgotten to come and reclaim it.

So reclaim I did. Last night I spent some quality time with the toy, and all I can say is WOW. I’m not normally an insert-something-inside-myself-while-masturbating masturbator, but that’s about to change. Using the glass toy really helped me learn about the build up of my arousal process. And I ejaculated a ton. That was fun. Watch more, and then go get your own glass dildo. Simply Blown makes lots of shapes and sizes (and toys for your bum too).

Watch the video on my youtube channel (I can’t get it to embed here anymore, why?!!!!)

Buy Simply Blown glass here too.

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May

11

Sex Review: On Being Single

sex advice / seX matters / tmi / video

Photo Credit: Yannick Bindert

As I walked through the valley of the shadow of Los Angeles, flip camera in hand, I decided to think my thoughts out loud and record them as this week’s sex review. While being single isn’t a product, there are a lot of services out there to help people not be single anymore (think online dating sites, matchmakers, life coaches, therapists). The truth is, some people prefer being single, and some don’t. So, as a professional sex educator, I decided to post a personal review of how I feel (right now) about being single.

Watch my video: On Being Single

Sure there’s a pro and con list for being single, and being partnered, but I know that I get more done, feel more accomplished, and inspired when I’m part of a team. I once worked with a radio host, we’ll call him Lionel, who said there was no we in Lionel (there isn’t, only an I) and maybe after an aborted partnership that ended  later in life, or after children, I understand (more) the single life and why it’s a preference. I once dated a guy who said my biggest drawback was that I “needed” love. Who doesn’t need love?  If you think about the best art, work, stories, songs, even those where one person gets all the credit, the truth is, they never did it alone. Nobody does their best work alone, or is inspired to do their best work, alone.

There is research to back up the idea that happily married people live longer and stay healthier. I know the same can’t be said for the unhappily married, but I’d rather be single than be in the wrong, long relationship, but to quote Sebastian the crab from the Little Mermaid, “the seaweed is always greener in somebody else’s lake.”

If you want to read even more, check out For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage.

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Mar

08

xoxosms: love in the 21st century

seX matters / tmi

I haven’t been much of an online dater. I’ve never had skype sex. I don’t IM or BBM, or Facebook chat, AIM, i-chat, etc. As I type this, I realize I’m not so adventurous in my search for love. I prefer to do things the “old-fashioned” way, like meeting through friends or at places. Here I am looking to date and and I feel so out-of-date.

I find the topic of love online, and not in person, the way of the now, and of the indeterminate future. As someone who has spent most of her love life, and really all of my life, offline, the idea of being able to meet the “love of your life” or at least one of your loves, without having to physically touch them, is something that only a few short years ago we did not do, because we could not see them, or connect with them, in real time. But now we can, and oh, the options and places to chat! This is the kind of love that’s built on words, pictures, dreams and on a foundation of friendship. This is the kind of love not usually built on sex and immediate intimacy. That makes it the the kind of love that has lastability. Personal experience has taught me that love built on sex isn’t the kind of lasting long-term love that I now seek.

I don’t know Nancy Schwartzman personally, not yet, although I will likely meet her in April at Momentum. What I do know is that she has directed a documentary called Xoxosms, about the true love of Gus and Jiyun, a young couple who met through the help of a Facebook application. The short documentary is in need of some additional funding so that it can be finished, and that we can continue to study, and interact, in that all-too-personal-even-when-we-don’t-know-each-other-personally-sort-of-way.

What makes this documentary so alluring is it isn’t at all about the dangers of online dating. It’s not about the brutality that can happen when you happen to meet the wrong woman, who happens to be a man! who happens to be a cop! serial killer! convicted rapist! online. Yes, that happens, but what happens more often, and just isn’t as newsworthy, are happy things, like meeting friends or falling in love. (If you haven’t realized by now, happy things rarely make top news, even the evening news puts the horrific things first, and the happy stories generally after the weather, sports and small talk.) That’s why I think it would be lovely if we can all make this story happen - through word of mouth, or if you can, through the generous change in your pockets.

If you want to find out more, or help fund the project, check out the kickstarter page now. Because we all have a vision, and here, we can help see one vision, and follow one love through, at least to the end of the film (there are no guarantees after that).

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May

18

TMI: Urban Tantra Teacher Training

seX matters / tmi

There’s a lot I’ve been meaning to post but travel and fatigue have kept me from writing too much. But I wanted to share some thoughts, and experiences, I had last week upon participating in Barbara Carrellas’ magnificent Urban Tantra Teacher Training. If you don’t know about Barbara, or her amazing book, you should watch my review here.

Now, on to some of what I took away from five days with the most magical, magnificent group of urban tantra enthusiasts a girl could ask for.

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Apr

14

Lady Gaga, Celibacy and Me

tmi

Lady Gaga says blah-blah on celibacy. I couldn’t agree with her more.

Lady Gaga, whom I now have the utmost respect for after reading this article, has recently “come out” about her choice to not have sex.

“I’m single right now and I’ve chosen to be single because I don’t have the time to get to know anybody. So it’s OK not to have sex, it’s OK to get to know people. I’m celibate, celibacy’s fine.”

As a sex educator who has, for the past seven months, struggled with my own teaching verse doing, I couldn’t agree more. For me, having just emerged from six months of celibacy, I can say “man, I needed that!” It was a chance and a choice to regroup and reevaluate what I want out of my self and my sex. Sometimes we all need space from other people and I needed space from being in my space with them. It’s not like I didn’t have sex with myself, I just chose to keep it within the confines of me and my accoutrements. And when I finally did have sex, it was someone I knew well enough to know I wanted to know him better.

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Jan

05

The G-ki. Hells yeah the G-spot exists.

seX matters / tip tuesday / tmi / video

For some reason, filming in certain areas of my, uhm, “set” makes thing very yellow, as you will see in the video below:

While recent research out of England claims the G-spot doesn’t exist, those of us who don’t believe the research can play with another recent “study” out of England that’s designed to help you enjoy G-spot stimulation. It’s the G-ki by JeJoue.

NOTE: Just realized that this toy is not available yet (doh!), but you can pre-order it here, and as soon as it’s available everywhere, I’ll link to it, k?

I didn’t edit the video. So for no editing, what do you think? Would you try the G-ki?

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Mar

12

HN(L)T: Half Naked (Last) Thursday

masturbation may / seX matters / sex toy / thursday thingamajig / tmi

Life is changing for me as I post this, which is also the excuse as to why it’s been so difficult to keep up with my blog these past two weeks. I want to write about it ALL, or at least about this Sex in America panel I went to two weeks ago, and also about my trip to Jamaica, but right now I’m moving things around and shaking them up, and the truth is I have a mess to clean up (literally, in the room I now sit). So for now I will leave you with an HNT from last Thursday, in my hotel room at Hedo 2 where yes, there are mirrors on the ceilings.

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Oct

13

Politics is F*cked

seX matters / tmi

Pardon my french,but this is ridiculous: N.Y. county sends out absentee ballots listing Barack ‘Osama.’

Goes to show you that it’s way more common for guys to get fucked in politics than in a bar with a room full of drunk bachelorette’s and free booze. Politics is so much dirtier than my grandma panties on the second day of my period.

*this is not to say that all grandma’s wear these panties (the kind with elastic waistbands and cotton liners) but these types of panties are most often associated with grandmas. I, however, am weening myself off of said panties even during my visits with “Harry with the red hair.” In fact, I think I just threw out my last pair. Oh, and I don’t really have a heavy flow. I know. TMI.

 

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Sep

19

Sexy Calendar Girls

seX matters / tmi

Photo by Circe

I’ve had this secret, or not so secret - depending on how close you are to me and how much you know about me - fantasy to become a burlesque supastar. I’ve got the name picked out (Rockie Rhode), and even my first song (that you’ll have to wait for), but up until now I haven’t had the incentive to actually get out there and take it off. Or maybe it’s not the incentive I lack (loads of eager eyes staring at my body as I wriggle and writhe on stage, as opposed to loads of eager construction workers oggling my body as I walk down the street, is good enough for me) but the motivation to learn a routine to make me look like a pro has taken a tad bit longer than expected. I’ve been promising myself the outfit, the pasties — another of my mental obstacles since I have those really large areola, and since said really large areola make me want to wear really large pasties, which then leads me to a mental discussion and overanalysis of my overly large areolas cause hey we’ve all got our issues — and the space to do it in, and now, suddenly, it’s happening..to me…for me…with me.. YES!

But before I tell you more, my mind must make one small digression. It’s about pasties. About an appreciation I have for them. Cause one thing I really like about pasties is how they can make some of the saggier sets of sisters look like a pair of perky potatoes (pre-schoolers and pre-pubescents also came to mind when I was looking for a “p” word to go with perky, but there’s something inherently wrong with associating either of these things with my breasts). That is all. Let’s return to some regularly scheduled thoughts.

This all leads me to Tess, my dear friend and certified sexpot, who lovingly emailed me (and 11 others) a few weeks back with a raison d’etre. Yes, finally I have the even-more-added-incentive-and-motivation to take it all off.  And BTW, if you haven’t seen Tess’ cleavage of the day posts, you really should…I’m talking some of the best! boobs! like ever!

So without further ado, I am going to take most of it off, and Rockie Rhode will spring forth from my loins, and boobs will bounce, and pasties will sparkle and I will be reborn a calendar girl/burlesque supastar (or at least a Burlesque supastar in training).

One more thing. You can be a part of it too. (I can see the excitment bursting from your loins as well now).  Cause me, and those 11 others like me, or not like me, or maybe they don’t like me - hello paranoia! are getting together a week from Sunday to shoot the 2009 Sex Bloggers Calendar. All proceeds go to Audacia Ray‘s Sex Work Awareness project.

You know you want to buy a calendar. Or even a day in it. It’s going to be sexy. All the info you need to know (like the who, how and why) can be found on the calendars’ blog. So check it out. And check me out. Construction workers and all!

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