Divine Dating Inspiration

I haven’t posted anything personal in a while, but sometimes you get the itch and you….MUST….scratch.

I’m online dating for the first time in years, and for the first time ever I’m also paying for it (both financially and physically - as in online dating is draining and takes time). I paid for a six month membership to one site, which now, I sort of look back at with regret, or at least the serious inclination to shake my past-self and say what were you thinking? Online dating means weeding through the loonies, or the guys who don’t know how to meet women offline. Sure, it’s also about weeding through the other guys, but even a lot of those are a little crazy.

Take this response for example:

“It was shitty and hurtful the way you left with out saying a word last night. Some people think that if you meet people on line that they aren’t real people, deserving of common courtesy. You have no class. Don’t bother to contact me again. Live cheap, die cheap.”

Okay, he was a lot crazy, and maybe I have no class (at least for posting his last message to me).

This whole non-date occurred as a result of a rapid email exchange (over the course of 24 hours) between me and a man, culminating in his inviting me to see a performance THAT NIGHT. I know this isn’t a great idea, but I was more interested in the performance than the man (thanks crazy man for the great idea). And I saw my cheerlearder self saying “BE SPONTANEOUS!” So I was SPONTANEOUS! (and tired, and a little bit sick in the head (with allergies).

I even arrived at the theater early, bought my own ticket and my own drink (soda water) and even got us a table in the center of the room. He and his friend arrived later and a few minutes after that the show began. Before that, his friend talked incessantly, although I quite enjoyed her banter (she’s not what you call close-to-normal either, but who really is these days, and especially in SF?). Then the show began, and I won’t go into some of the weird things that happened there, but needless to say, even the performer thought this guy was crazy (not good crazy either). After it was over, I went home while Crazy and Friend-of-Crazy remained at the club. Within the next hour, he had asked me out again, over text, only I didn’t respond right away. I knew he was crazy and I would never go there. I planned on responding, because he was fun and had great ideas AND interesting friends. But I wanted to wait. Then, the next morning I woke up to those words (see above).

At first I was like this is pretty awesome, and I loved the line live cheap, die cheap. This was a man dating on a free internet site and it didn’t cost him a thing to take me out. PLUS he had bad teeth.

Then I got sad. You always hear that people get crazier as they get older. I’m older. I’m dating older single men (because I’m apparently too old for most men my own age), and that means that more of them are likely more crazy than the younger version of their former selves. Sure, there are likely exceptions, like a recent-enough divorce, widowhood, the end of a long relationship, work keeping you too busy, but otherwise are most single men over 40 a little bit more crazy than the rest?

I know, I have my own cray cray. I used to think it wasn’t me that kept me single, but now I accept I am part of my problem. I’m a serial monogamist and I meet guys I like and then I mold myself to be more of what they’d like me to be. Otherwise, how do you explain serial monogamy? It’s not like every guy I’ve met is the perfect next guy, but I try to make it so. I’m working hard on it. And it can be hard work. However, it’s not like my house’s foundation is cracked, it’s more like I internalized relationships when I was way too young, so I idealize them now. (Hey, I just wrote that and thought it at the same time, and now I have to think about it, but it makes perfect sense to why I fall in love so soon).

I love love. I loathe online dating. But I’m done loving love so much that it hurts, like, hurts in a bad way. And online dating with the chit chat and the twenty questions, oh and the ice breakers, are whacked. Just decide if you’re open to meeting a total stranger for a small amount of time and then DO IT.

I want to be dating, and I don’t want to be dating. (ah! the contradictions!) And I get that this is part of the process, and I’ve given this a lot of thought. Sometimes I think arranged marriages might be better than the love ones. Seriously.