The Vaginal Walk

image: Mike Wood Photography

Does how she walks determine from whence she comes?

If you think you can tell a sex beast by her swinging hips and fancy shoes, think again. Those who orgasm from the canal that Dr. Freud once claimed made them “mature,” are more likely, according to a recent study, published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, to walk with high energy and a fluid freedom of movement. Well, at least 81% of the time. The study, which taped the walks of 20 college-aged women living in Belgium, (I know what you’re thinking, wow! 20 whole women! This is definitely a study worth knowing about) claims that happy, healthy, vaginally orgasmic women walk differently than their miserly, clitorally controlled, counterparts.

Never mind if last night you bench pressed too much at the gym, if you’re tight in the body, then you’re too uptight in the twat.  “Walking with high energy and a kind of freedom of movement signifies both sensuality and confidence.The discerning observer may infer a women’s experience [with] vaginal orgasm from a gait that comprises fluidity, energy, sensuality, freedom, and absence of both flaccid and locked muscles,” at least that’s what these serious researchers have to say.

That means that next time you’re looking to get “lay lady lay,” and you want to feel like you’re rocking her canal, and not just her world, you should pick a woman who’s more loosy goosey than purely lucky fucky.  Even if lucky fucky, meaning you’re just lucky to get fucked, is all you’ve got, she may not be able to come vaginally (oh the horror! THE HORROR!) and then what? Will you ever be able to face your friends? Brag about it on facebook? I don’t think so.

Now, is there a mind/body connection to how sexually open we are? Hells yes. The brain is more powerful than the clit, the vagina or the peen when it comes to how your sex life is going, and sure, if you’re not feeling all sexy, sexy you make walk differently than if you are, but really, if only approximately 30% of women orgasm from vaginal penetration alone, and if vaginal penetration isn’t the end-all-be-all of orgasmic exploration, does being able to do it matter?

Probably not. Definitely not to me. I don’t care how you come. I just care that you do it if you want to do it. But you don’t have to have an orgasm each and every time you feel sexual pleasure. Because sexual pleasure isn’t always about orgasm. It’s about liking what you’re doing and who you’re doing it with. Whether it be your own Jackson five, or your neighbor’s hand, rod or tongue. The bottom line is it’s good to wub yourself wight whenever you feel like a little wub-a-dub-dub.

I don’t care if you walk this way, or that, or hell, even if you skip, crawl, or run down the street. And what about women in wheelchairs? How do they walk? The point is, whatever you do, don’t judge how a girl does sexy time by her gait.  You don’t know where she’s been or who she did last night. She might have rocked a cock so large she can’t walk, or she might have twisted her ankle on the treadmill. That’s why this survey sort-of-kind-of-in-actuality-utterly disgusts me. I pity the person who cares so much about how she walks, and where she comes from, literally, instead of just enjoying the pleasure that should be derived from enjoying the pussy.

Of course, if you’re still interested in this research, you can read more about the study here.