Monday, May 24 2004
I started to write this piece about masturbation because I’m supposed to perform at my friend Abby’s bday party this Thursday and I realized that when we talk about masturbation we use a lot of animal terms in our descriptives. For example:
Choking the Chicken
Petting the Kitty
Stroking your cock (a doodle doo)
Wanking your willy (as in Free Willy - a whale)
Charming the snake
Just thought I’d point this out…
And then, why do we always describe pussy - love the word with me please - as either smelling like fish or flowers?
What do penises smell like? Sometimes too much aftershave, yes, I really do believe guys put perfume on their balls more often than they should, or maybe like socks that got caught in a rainstorm and were hung out to dry - without ever being cleaned first! Maybe we don’t describe dick as much as pussy because for some reason, as a society, we can justify pussy with one word responses. Fish. Flowers. You know what I mean. Maybe men are just more complex. Not really. I’m being, how do you spell fuh-see-cious…Where are those kids from that Spellbound documentary when you need them?!
ANOTHER PLACE ENTIRELY
a.k.a. non-sequitor. I read a fascinating article in Bust Magazine. It was all about Martha Stewart, and HOW FUCKED UP IT IS THAT SHE IS GOING TO JAIL WHEN THERE ARE MUCH BIGGER MALE CRIMINALS WALKING THE STREETS. Do you see what I’m saying? Regardless of what you think of her - Antichrist or No Antichrist - this woman DID NOT get a fair trial. NOT FAIR AT ALL. Powerful women scare big, important men. Read my lips: Salem Witch Hunt. Read the article and you decide…but really, READ THE ARTICLE.
Posted in seX matters by jamye on 05/24/2004 - 8:00pm
Tell Me You Love Me
May 25th, 2004 at 8:05 am
Give me a break Jamye. She acted on insider information and got caught. Woman can be criminals too. Martha Stewart being powerful? What kind of threat could she possibly pose to anyone?
Can you please provide a link to the article. I couldn’t find it. thanks.
May 25th, 2004 at 3:04 pm
Flogging the dolphin
Pounding the platypus
Croking the kangaroo
Porking the pig
Creamo my Nemo
Resurecting the dinosaur!!!!!
May 25th, 2004 at 3:19 pm
you forgot.. spanking the monkey
i also wonder why terms used to describe male masturbation are always violent in nature.. (flogging, choking, spanking, pounding)
May 26th, 2004 at 7:33 pm
First of all, I am not saying Martha Stewart is innocent, I am just saying that I THINK A LOT OF SHIT WENT DOWN BECAUSE SHE IS A WOMAN…and a powerful, scary woman at that..that’s all. She may be guilty but there are a lot of guilty men who have done worse things that are still awaiting trial or walking around free.
Second..as for the masturbation phrases..how could I forget spanking the monkey..thanks Gulshan..sometimes I could use a good spanking.
Any takers?
May 26th, 2004 at 7:34 pm
oh and harry, powerful meaning a lot of money and affiliations..she has the power to turn those ordinary house curtains into something extraordinary
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