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Tuesday, December 8 2009

TMIT: Masturbation with Meat

I’ve always been a TMI type of girl when I teach (or write) right? so I’ve decided to devote a day of my blog to TMI. Whatever I feel like sharing - whether it be about myself, sex, techniques, or news - will lead to more than you needed to know, which is why it’s called TMI in the first place. And because it takes place on Tuesday, it’s TMIT. I encourage you to comment and share too please. TMI of course.

Photo credit: Kate Guyon

Masturbation and meat. That’s a common thread in both the book, Portnoy’s Complaint and the movie Leolo and today it is the inspiration for the first TMIT. Actually it’s masturbating in meat - and there are two different techniques, by two different boys with only one outcome.


The boy from the book uses a technique in which he wraps said meat sleeve around his penis, while Leo (our little hero from the film) prefers to cut a whole in a slab, after which he slides the chunk over his chunkie (and in his pants), lays on the floor and rocks back and forth in and out of the hole in the meat (or just all over the whole meat). Gives new meaning to meat packing.

And really if ejaculating into meat is your thing, that’s fine, but if after one beats his own meat into the family’s dinner and then watches the family cook, cut and swallow said meat (as both boys later do), well that’s where it borders on uncomfortable for me. I’ve never masturbated in meat, or with fruit, although there was this one vegetable, a cucumber that I tried because it had this perfect curve that I thought would hit my G-spot. It did.

I don’t eat meat (yes, fish on occasion), but I do have this animal print furry duvet cover and if it were real fur (it’s faux brown zebra strip instead) then inside the fur would be meat. Real meat. The kind that Leo and Portnoy could use to get off with. I find myself masturbating on my bed A LOT, under the covers because I’d rather clean my sheets regularly then mess with that duvet cover. Although tonight I’m staying with a friend who has four duvet covers, and she changes them once a week, and I realize I have one, and I don’t clean it even once a month..which maybe I should do, but I’m not having any sex on my duvet cover, but people do sleep under the duvet cover, so what should I do about this duvet dilemna?


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