Me. From an article in the Italian edition of Marie Claire (there’s a bigger pic of it if you click the Marie Claire link). credits: Luigi Cazzaniga
Now we carry on…
When I first started blogging, I talked about my sex life a lot and in detail. I did so because I wasn’t dating anyone who cared, because basically I dated people who weren’t around long enough to give a damn. That all changed when I met the man I used to refer to as “the cowboy” or “my flova” (friend and lover). At first, he was like all the rest. At first, there was no hope of a relationship on the horizon. When we started dating, that’s all it was. Dating. And sex. And while the two were mutually exclusive, I didn’t believe it was going anywhere else. He didn’t want a relationship and so I blogged and blogged about my pining for him.
And then, a few months later, things changed. He told me he loved me.
It was April of 2005.
The words just flew out of his mouth. The words I’d been hoping, not so secretly, to hear. And we moved forward - together. Three plus years now.
Other things changed once the “I love you” slipped from his lips. I couldn’t write the same anymore. I wanted to be more personal in my life, and not on my blog, to share less with the world and to share more with him.
And so my blog metamorphed (a fancy word I may have just made up, I think). It began to be about other people’s sex lives, their discoveries, their research or their crazy schemes. I know some people care less now because they can’t read how I did it and where (even though, yes I’m still doing it), but it’s the way it had to be. For me. For him. For us.
Yet tomorrow things will change again.
Current TV is working on a project called the Sex Diaries. For the next month they’ve asked me to vlog about my sex life on this teeny, tiny little video camera called Flip. You aren’t going to be able to watch it yet. After a month of vlogging, they’ll edit the content of my life, along with the lives of other peeps, and make it into a pretty, little package, complete with bow on top. And to answer the one question I’ve been asked too many times - no, you won’t see me having sex, you’ll see me talking about sex.
The first week we’re supposed to talk about monogamy, a topic that my partner and I have been contemplating for quite some time now. And, once again, I feel like I’m back to my old ways, the kind where I’m about to get too personal and say too much. Only this time I can’t hide behind my words, this time you’ll be able to see me, and hear what I say as it actually spews forth from my mouth. And my boyfriend won’t be “the cowboy” or “my flova” either. He’ll be a part of the dialogue (if he so chooses), a part of the action.
Why am I doing this? I’m doing this because I think the best way to learn about sex is to be able to relate to it. To be personal enough to be open to teaching through experience, and learning through the experience of others. And so, starting tomorrow, I’ll put my money where my mouth is. And starting tomorrow, I’m getting back to getting personal. Well, more personal at least.