
What a sexy bird! I can even see its gizzards. Ooh la la….
If I’m up and heading to a gym class, I listen to Carson Daly in the mornings. He’s on a station called AMP out here in the city of angels, and while it says it plays all the hits, I like that it plays all the hip-hop and dance I can sing my heart out too. Today, while driving to a ridiculously early spin class at 6:30am, Carson, along with producer Angie, were talking turkey. I never liked turkey, the white meat tasted too dry (was that just the way my mother made it?) and the dark meat, well, that was too meaty and slimy. I’ve been a vegetarian since I was 13, so you have to understand (or not) that I just never liked the taste of meat. Unless it’s man meat. Because I know, someone, somewhere will read this and wonder if I mean all meat, or just the kind that I can chew up before swallowing.
This morning a nice Yamaguchi lady from Whole Foods on 3rd and Fairfax was giving tips on how to pick and make a turkey (1 - 1.5 lbs per human adult consuming said meat). She also said that if you buy a frozen turkey, you need to dethaw it for two days before you cook it. That means take it out of the freezer TODAY and put it in the refrigerator. So I thought that while you wait, slowly, for that hunk of light and dark bird to make it’s way from solid to solid, I’m offering five of my own silly (and sexy) tidbits for you to pass some of the long-ass time it takes for this bird to dethaw.
- Get naked like your turkey and baste yourself in oil. Place a tarp on the floor (wood or linoleum) and have a sexy wrestling match with someone you want to gobble up.
- Have sex in any animal style position (like doggie I suppose).
- Re-enact your favorite Thanksgiving fight scene. Wear a pilgrim, cowboy or Indian costume and make war before you make love.
- Place a timer in your bedroom and give yourself a set amount of time to get warmed up and then get cookin’ (that’s my euphemism for getting love). And then when the timer dings, no matter how done you are, you’re done.
- Whisper sweet gobbles into your lover’s ear.
However you decide to spend your time dethawing your turkey, know that there’s no time like right now (head to the bathroom, bedroom, car, pay per hour hotel suite) to get in some dethawing of your own (what does that even mean?)
Posted by jamye