Vulva products that aren’t better than the real thing, but eerily close.

Vulva Original, as if you’re vulva wasn’t original enough. After many years of testing and research, and a finely tuned preservation procedure, the fine folks at vivaeros have captured the “sought after organic vaginal scent with a long lasting effect.” Not to be used in your vagina, to be worn like perfume, on the back of the hand so that you can sniff pussy all the time without having to get in anybody’s pants. Question is, who’s vulva are you smelling for 24.90 euro’s?

Vulva candles. For those scorned, burned or looking for love and light, meet the genital wax family. There are penis candle too.

Vulva Portrait Pendant. Sort of like wearing your heart on your sleeve, only it’s wearing your vulva around your neck. After purchasing one of these pendants, you send two to three pictures of your box to the artist and a replica is devised. Then you can wear your mini-me and be constantly reminded of what a pussy you really are. If you’re not comfortable sending pics, you can always describe your vulva to the artist (somehow that feels slightly more creepy) or otherwise settle for one of the pre-made “beautiful flesh-toned Vulva pendants.”