I’ve never liked turkey, but I may have to make an exception here.

We’ve been in Denver since last Friday. It snowed yesterday and that was nice. Now it’s cold here, and there’s still snow on the ground, and it’s supposed to snow some more, and it’s the first time all fall that I’ve remembered what it feels like to have winter, which while isn’t my favorite feeling per se, isn’t so bad in a state where there’s not as much wind chill. Man, wind chill really is a bitch. Just like humidity. Which is why, if my boyfriend wasn’t originally from Colorado, I’d make him move back here RIGHT NOW, but alas he is, and he won’t and so for now I’m staying put in wind chill laden NYC. Also, big props to Hysteria, the best sex shop in Denver! If you live in town, or pass on by sometimes, stop in and check it out. It’s a husband and wife owned/operated store, and they are good people. Really good people.

Okay. The strangest thing happened to my cell phone yesterday. The weirdest part for me was that I had this dream two nights ago that I needed to get a new cell phone. Yesterday, when I woke up, I couldn’t find my phone anywhere. I called it, and it rang, so that was good enough for me. About ten minutes later Jonny’s sister found it in the garage. When I opened it the screen was cracked and the picture was gone. So now I can’t call anyone whose number I don’t know by heart, and I’ll have to get a new phone. It’s all because George Michael was playing on the stereo, and therefore I got a tad bit too excited (some of his songs are so fun) and I lost my cell phone in all the action (singing and dancing). Still, it’s so strange, because I really did, actually dream that I’d need a new phone that night. How did I know that while I slept my phone was suffering in the garage?

And speaking of suffering, I’m not sure how I feel about Thanksgiving, at least about Thanksgiving as an actual holiday. It’s like here we are, celebrating the fact that we stole things, like land, from the people who were here before us. We didn’t think about sharing, and we obviously didn’t think about caring about our fellow man. So what are we supposed to be thankful for when it comes to the holiday? The cruelty and meanness that man can inflict upon man? Aren’t we continuing with the Thanksgiving tradition by trying to “be the boss” in Iraq? It’s like we’ll never learn.

Alas, bitch, bitch, moan, moan.

I’m done.

I am thankful about things, like living and breathing (which would probably be number one on most people’s lists if they aren’t sad or unhappy or suicidal) and so, on the day to give thanks, I’ve made up my own top ten list that doesn’t include this one thing I’m most thankful for. In fact it’s only about sex.

Sex things I’m thankful for:

1. Lube - whether it be of the self-made kind or the store-bought type.

2. The way he feels when he first enters me.

3. The Eroscillator. One big, ugly vibe that delivers beautiful orgasms.

4. The orgasm face. Especially his orgasm face.

5. Orgasms.

6. My discount at Babeland

7. My book and videos which are all about lots of different types of sex - or maybe I should be thankful for constant self-promotion. Hey, if you can’t promote yourself, how can you promote anybody else?

8. My mostly fabulous review in the December/January issue of Bust!

9. Warm penis. Especially warm penis that I love.

10. Tongue.

Happy day off to most of you in America!