This is what Mike really looks like..only here he’s made of clay
Mike must have been really bored at work because this is what I found in my inbox today…(and I love him for it)
Y is it so damn cold today when it was so damn warm yesterday?
MIKE: The jet stream is a river of fast flowing air at high altitudes above the earth that generally flows from west to east over the mid-latitudes. To be called a “jet stream” the winds should be faster than 57 mph, but the term is often wrongly used for all upper-level winds. Usually, the jet stream separates cold polar air to its north from warmer air to its south. During major cold outbreaks over the USA, the jet stream often dives south, sometimes moving well over the Gulf of Mexico. During unusually mild winter weather and during the summer, the jet stream retreats northward into Canada.
Y is there a crazy woman screaming at the window inside a bank’s ATM facility about being trapped when she could have just used the door?
MIKE: Because deep down some people like being trapped. There’s an openness to New York that you and I eagerly embrace but to some it represents a vast emptyness that is both intimidating and vile. They are confused people stuck in a world they will never understand and therefore their anger rests at a level far beyond our understanding. Sure, the woman you saw screaming at the window inside the bank’s ATM facility expressed her anger boisterously and for all to hear but her crazy frightened eyes would have been all the more chilling had she been outside. She would have been a volcano running a risk of implosion or explosion, either one resulting in a great number of casualties. So it is best for her to remain in a box, in her capitalistic bubble so the rest of the world can be safe from her rage, so she can be an exhibit on display on our gold paved streets. And by the way, fuck Chase, I hate that bank.
Y do people who walk down the streets with umbrellas feel that it’s okay to poke me in the eye with them?
MIKE: Would you rather them poke you in the ass?
Y can’t people just be who they say they are?
MIKE: My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die!
Y do the boys I like like me after I’m done liking them?
MIKE: Fucking ***** won’t shut up about you!!!! I’m like, “____, ____, it’s over dude. Get a grip, that was a couple years ago. I know you had your kicks, I know you want more, you’ve got to move on………yeah….I know…..brother, I know……I know there’s only one Jamye and now other, but there’s also only one **………no, no, NO……get away from the window, please for your own sake, for mine. Don’t do it, life will get better, I promise NOOOOO NOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Y do I think I’m growing down instead of growing up?
MIKE: They can’t be perky forever, Jamye. Live with it. Plus, if they went the other way all you women would be poking your eyes out by age 60…..talk about a case where you’d rather get poked in the ass!