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Wednesday, April 14 2010

Lady Gaga, Celibacy and Me

Lady Gaga says blah-blah on celibacy. I couldn’t agree with her more.

Lady Gaga, whom I now have the utmost respect for after reading this article, has recently “come out” about her choice to not have sex.

“I’m single right now and I’ve chosen to be single because I don’t have the time to get to know anybody. So it’s OK not to have sex, it’s OK to get to know people. I’m celibate, celibacy’s fine.”

As a sex educator who has, for the past seven months, struggled with my own teaching verse doing, I couldn’t agree more. For me, having just emerged from six months of celibacy, I can say “man, I needed that!” It was a chance and a choice to regroup and reevaluate what I want out of my self and my sex. Sometimes we all need space from other people and I needed space from being in my space with them. It’s not like I didn’t have sex with myself, I just chose to keep it within the confines of me and my accoutrements. And when I finally did have sex, it was someone I knew well enough to know I wanted to know him better.

Lady Gaga says that it’s cool to wait until you know someone before you give it up, and that sits better than that Jonas brothers message of wait until marriage. It’s a more realistic and effective message.

Let’s compare sex to other life events:

When you take a job, if you don’t like it you can quit; if you move across the country and miss “home” you can always move back, and if you hate a haircut, it will grow out. If you marry someone and you’re not sexually compatible, then what? You can force it, work on it, beat it off when nobody’s looking, ignore it, divorce or stop having sex. And that’s when things get sad and ugly. Bad sex makes it hard to be happy even if you love someone big time. If the sex is off, then I hate to be the debbie downer of the good sex world, but that’s a hard problem to fix. One that both parties have to be willing and able to do, sans ego, sans blame. So you don’t have to wait until marriage to find out if the sex is hot enough, but waiting until you’re in deep “like” isn’t a bad idea. It can really help you focus on other things too, like your career or the kind of relationship you want. Seriously. Celibacy can rock. Just ask me or Lady Gaga.

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