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Tuesday, September 9 2008

Your Penis: What Women (might) Think


image via adrants

“Oh look at it. It’s so big and hard. It’s the most wondrous weiner!”

That’s what you want to hear when we first see your penis, right? The reassuring words that you’re just the perfect specimen, no, scratch that, that you’re junk is bigger and better than perfect. While that’s all well and good for stroking your ego, and ours too (especially if we’re bragging to girlfriends) it’s not  the first thing we think about when we meet your mini-me. In fact, before we even pull down your pants, we’re honing in on the outline of your willy, figuring out how it might hang. For those of us who embrace the dick, this turns us on, for those of us who are creeped out by it, just knowing your penis is resting in there can make our stomach queasy. It all depends on how comfortable we are around cock.
No two units are created equal. There’s not one mold for the perfect dick, nor the perfect man to go along with it. When it’s soft, your penis looks like the limp third leg of a little person or a turtle peaking its head out of his shell. If we see it hard, it’s like we’re staring down Gonzo or The Great Gazoo. If your schlong is uncircumcised it looks prepared, like a boy scout on a camping trip, if it’s not then it doesn’t. Your cock is shinier, darker, or pinker than the rest of your body, and it can point in all sorts of directions. Still, no matter what size or shape it is, to most of us, a penis looks strange, a foreign object on an otherwise familiar terrain.

The real question remains, is it a show-er or a grow-er? In penis lingo, a grow-er starts out small and grows to a length, or width, much larger than expected. A show-er starts out full of itself before it even stirs. Either way, our brain wants to see you with a boner. If it’s hard we want to know if we can make it harder. If it’s soft we want to know how to get its attention. There are some of us who are intimidated by your raging hard-on, especially if it’s larger or longer than we’ve ever seen before. Those of us with a little more trepidation want to know that it won’t hurt; we want to know that it will feel good regardless of your size or angle. It doesn’t matter if you’re pointed up (although that’s great for our G-spot), down or to the right or left, we want to know that you know how to control your little man.

The truth is, we don’t think about your junk nearly as much as you do, and definitely not as much as you think about ours. Even after a few minutes of staring at the statue of David, we see more than a flaccid man’s penis (although of course, we’re wondering how he’ll look with an erection). We’re admiring the whole piece of art. We like your butt, your abs, your hands, your eyes. When you get out of our bed, we see a man, not just a penis.

But we like penis - wide, thin or just right, long or short, circumcised or not, with flapping balls or tight ones. However, it isn’t ultimately about the size of the wave; it’s the motion of the ocean. If we like you, we think less about what it looks like and more about whom it’s attached to, but if we’re borderline, the unveiling can sway us one way or the other. Because the bottom line is your penis is an extension of the man behind it, and not the other way around.

And yes, you are so big and hard.

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