Question: How do I overcome premature ejaculation?  I have thought about getting a prescription for Viagra. I’m not sure if this will work as I do not have a problem actually getting hard, but it might help me get harder faster after I go the first time. I’ve tried the pinch method but that does not work either.  Any advice?  Thanks.

Answer: Sometimes it’s mind over matter, and sometimes it’s matter over mind. For starters, what’s going on in your head when you get hard? Are you thinking, ‘oh no, I don’t want to ejaculate right now and I’m hard so I might’ or ‘this feels good and I can go with it for a while?’ If you’ve got the former in your head (or any other form of anxiety speak) that could be a significant contributing factor to your premature ejaculation. Of course, it’s not all, or always, mind over matter. There are things you can try, and they’re not Viagra. If you could avoid a little blue pill to provide you with sexual satisfaction and lastation (I just made that word up I think) why wouldn’t you want to?

Before I go on, you’re not alone. According to the 1999 NHSLS survey by Laumann et al., approximately 30% of men ages 18-59 have dealt with over-excitement of the penis.  Now let’s get to some courses for action!

Try a version of sensate focus. That means you (and your partner) focus on pleasurable touch and avoid orgasm for a while. This could help you build up your stamina and help you find the ability to stay harder longer. Do condoms help keep you going longer, you may want to try a thicker one, even a condom sampler to see if that helps (and yes, use condoms even during masturbation). Or perhaps a cock ring can help with delay. I’m not a big fan of numbing agents, and NEVER for anal sex, but when it comes to premature ejaculation, too much lube can act to desensitize you and work in a way that makes you feel less and last more. Try a thick lube like Maximus and see if that helps slow you down.

Make sure your breathing. Don’t clench your muscles. Stay relaxed. Try other positions, or not going in as far when you penetrate your partner. Sometimes guys grow up masturbating in particular ways (i.e. fast and furious before mom finds out) and then he can have this habit or pattern where that’s now how he has to come. Change the pattern, break the habit. Even if, for a short while, it means a few pumps and you must stop, it may work for you in the long term. Other things, meditate, communicate and anticipate. Slowing down your mind can help slow you down. Talking to your partner can relieve anxiety and anticipating pleasuring your partner, even with fingers, tongues and toys can help keep you going longer (or not).

If you try these things (fun homework, yay!) and you’re still not satisfied, it couldn’t hurt to talk to your doctor. Premature ejaculation, while not a “serious” ailment, can seriously screw with sexual relations. Of course knowing how to please your partner in other ways is a good thing to know to.