If you want a quick way to assess your level of attractiveness, or that of you and your partner as a dynamic duo, head to a swing club or, better yet, a week of swinging at Desires or Hedo II. Depending on how many different levels of attractiveness like you back, and yes, this whole thing is rather subjective, you can see where you rank in the system.

Fun and bubbly? You’ll meet the other fun and bubbly types too. Smart and sexy? Bump and grind with other intelligent whores. Awkward and aroused? There’s another couple waiting to fumble through it with you too. And because you’re at a party that’s central focus is “are you going to fuck/suck/flirt with me or just stand there and think about it?”, you should have no problem figuring it out (and feeling sexy) in less time than it would take you to figure it out anywhere else on earth.

It’s amazing how much of what we think around attraction is subconscious, except when it’s not. Like when you’re at a swinger’s resort and people are looking to hook up.There’s actually a science behind who’s hot and who’s not, and who we like and why, and while some of that may go away as one’s inhibitions too, it’s quite fascinating. I learned a lot more about this science by watching a Discovery channel video on the subject, where I also found out that most men wouldn’t like me for my lower voice, and that most women look at a guy’s car (coming from NYC, I don’t give a sh-t what you drive). A number of Tuesday’s back, Jezebel printed an article called The Surprising Facts About Who’s Hot. We’re always concerned with if we’re hot or not. Heck, before Mark Zuckerberg started facebook, he created a way to rank Harvard girls on their levels of attractiveness.

The thing is, at a swinger’s resort, you don’t have to wait to find out where you rank,  you just have to look around and see who’s looking back. Sometimes you’ll get a one-up and find a couple or a partner that has more symmetrical eyes, or more height, but overall, you’ll know your matches by how your matched, or by how many people (and who they are) want to do you.

Truth is, you’ll likely feel even more attractive than you are by allowing you and your partner into a space where others want to have sex with you. Even if you do nothing with anyone else (the only person I played with last week in Jamaica was the man I brought with me) you’ll feel hot and happy. One way or another.

Happy Humpday!