There are certain expectations when you come to a swinging resort, and one big one that you must prepare yourselves for in advance. Because a hedonistic club on the western tip of Jamaica isn’t all about gorging on the free food and alcohol and dancing to the always predictable hot 97 type hip-hop I blast every day in my car in LA. No, at this resort, at this time, there’s only one topic that everyone wants to talk about, negotiate, get into, get out of, and that’s sex.

Like the poly couple at a friends party who recently changed the vibe in the room when they came in discussing the sexual habits of their other partners, while trying to turn our small get together into an orgy, when the world of swingers intersects, there’s much ado about who to do.

Where, in the real world, most of us don’t walk around looking at each other like potential meat on a platter with extra grease for even more tender, juicy goodness, it doesn’t seem to always be the case in a place like Hedonism II, where couples come to get naked and come and come and come. Not all couples come for coming, and as for being someone who primarily prefers to look but not come in front of others, I find it amazing how thick the sexual tension is and how easy it is to cave in or run.

I walk through the dining hall at an odd hour and notice that an attractive older man is staring back at me, and as I go to make myself one of those bad-for-you-out-of-a-button-french-vanilla-potentially-caffeinated drinks, he follows. He just stands there, making water (hot water, not to be confused with the version of “making water” discussed in Driving Miss Daisy). He looks my way so I look away, and walk away. It’s not about playing it cool for me, no, it’s about not giving the wrong idea. A friendly smile is often misinterpreted in a place like this. Later on he re-approaches, introduces himself as Fernando and tells me he’s disappointed that there are no single ladies here. I understand, and tell him maybe there are, since there’s an LA Burlesque troupe here right now, but still I do doubt that he’ll get laid (I don’t tell him that part though).

Is he trying to get me to cave in and have sex because he expected sex here?

Doesn’t matter, I won’t.

The sex conversation comes up all the time here. “Do you like women?” “Do you do single guys?” and “Can I suck on your penis?” Couples get together with couples they’ve banged at home, or the previous year abroad, or they get together with people they’ve never seen before but want to bang right now. My advice in a place like this is come with a life partner, or a lover in secure standing, but don’t come alone or in a relationship that is teetering on the brink of break up. You will not teeter, and you will break up. That and protect yourself. With words and friends and latex or another good barrier.