photo credit: patrick kiteley

Shopping does not get me off on Black Friday. I’m not big into lines and traffic and wheeling carts into aisles filled with thousands of eager beavers all looking for the best “dam” deal. I don’t need anything else in my life right now, except maybe a sewing machine so I can learn to make more of what I want, but I don’t even really need that (and I’ve got friends and family willing to give me the ones they aren’t using anyway). Still if you’re brave, dumb, or wild enough (you decide) to head out on Black Friday, I’ve got some sexy suggestions for how to make it more interesting.

• Wear a vibrating egg (either so that it hits your clit or guys, try it under the balls) and play with the knobs as you wait in line to pay for your bargains.
• Spend a little extra time checking out your bits in the dressing room. Who cares if others have to wait, isn’t that what Black Friday’s all about?
• Play a kissing game with your shopping buddies. Every time two people grab for the same item, you have to kiss your lovers or friends on a different part of their epidermis.
• Listen to some form of audible erotica (like this one, but I’ve never heard this one) while you shop around. After you’re done buying all your wares, get home and take care of business.
• Just stay in. Sleep late. If you’ve got a partner, bang all day and screw (on) Black Friday instead of going out and feeling screwed. Trust me, you’ll be able to shop til you drop any other day of the year so play with a friend, play with yourself just stay in bed longer and avoid those long lines.