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Thursday, November 19 2009

Why Women Have Sex

photo credit: margolove

For the past few weeks I’ve had this note on my desk that read, read salon’s article “Why do Women Have Sex?” I only got to it yesterday. The article, based on the book Why Women Have Sex: Understanding Sexual Motivations from Adventure to Revenge (and Everything in Between), is about understanding the underlying female motivation behind sex. Cindy M. Meston, one of two co-authors, gives the example that if you hand a woman who engages in high risk sex a condom, and she doesn’t use it, you have to figure out the why she doesn’t use it, and not just look at that she’s not using condoms.

I hear my old acting coach discussing the finer points of character development as Meston says this. What’s your motivation? Who are you and why are you? And then I continue reading. Meston says some encouraging words about orgasm:

“With the exception of certain medical diseases — like diabetes, certain spinal cord injuries or prescription drugs like antidepressants — there is no evidence whatsoever that some women are incapable of having an orgasm.” I feel relief, and hope, and well, that anythings is possible. Oh, and if you’re looking to find out about how to have a whole myriad of orgasms, I recommend you check out the book I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide.

I learn too about mate poaching, a term that causes me anxiety at thirty-something-something, when I’m thinking that it would be nice to meet a mate with whom I may mate in the next few years. Mate poaching, according to Meston’s co-author/researcher David M. Buss (what’s with using the middle initials), is a term that came about because “men and women who are high in mate value tend to get snapped up. Not always, but they are often in relationships. What that means is that you often hear women complain there are no eligible men — all the men are either married, permanent bachelors or gay. There is some truth to that, in that guys who are commitment-oriented tend to get in relationships. It really does shrink the pool of desirable men who are out there for single women. What that means is that the truly desirable people, or a fraction of them, are already in mating relationships. So, mate poaching becomes an option.”

There’s more to explore in the book Why Women Have Sex I’m sure. I’m not into mate poaching, but I am into orgasms. And there’s talk of the rape fantasy, and other things that make me go hmmm. As soon as I get my copy, I’ll paw through it. And once I know why I have sex, or actually why I don’t have sex right now, there will be more to share.

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