Handy. My choice for smurf sex.

New order of business. Let’s give a hearty (warm and moist were other adjectives that came to mind) welcome to Naked City. A new blog by Village Voice Media - written and edited by the talented and loquacious Audacia Ray. And when you watch the (NSFW) Porno Jim video that Ray shot and edited, you’ll get to see smurf sex too. I like smurf sex. Too bad we didn’t get to see much of it in the animated form. But it got me thinking, how often do you think Smurfette got laid? And who was the best smurf f*ck? Brainy Smurf seemed to uptight, and Vanity liked himself too much. I’m trying to think which Smurf I’d even do, if I had to do a Smurf. I think it’d be Handy. I like the overalls, and he’s obviously very handy (buddumpbump), which is a fabulous skill. He’s my choice. Who’s yours?

Now file this under total grossness. Or it’s more like if Papa Smurf did it with Smurfette.

Via Boinkology - Father, daughter have child together.

There are a lot of things I’m cool with, but having sex with my dad is absolutely, definitely, without a sliver of a doubt NOT one of them. Apparently Jenny and John Deaves wouldn’t agree with me. 30 years after her dad left her ass back in Australia, she reunited with her father and thought he’s not so bad (looking) and eventually she might have said, “Daddy, will you do me?” and then Daddy might have answered “Hells, yeah, I was hoping you’d ask” because the two of them began to have a sexual relationship with each other. A consenting adult sexual relationship, perhaps, but does that really matter when you’re doing your daddy? Even if you haven’t spoken in thirty years?

I tried to find a way to understand this one. I mean even if no harm is done because they are consenting adults, harm may be done by bringing a baby into the world, one that you and daddy make together. And that’s what they did. They made a father/daughter baby together. This is so not okay. Not on any level, including the basic genetic level.

I still tried to find a way to understand the why?! I thought maybe, just maybe, they didn’t know she was his father when they met, or maybe he inseminated her with a turkey baster because she was desperate to have a child and couldn’t afford the luxury of a sperm bank. Maybe she has no friends. Or maybe she has no friends who would f*ck her because she has rare genetic disease and her pussy has been destroyed by flesh-eating bacteria and she needed a favor.

Still, I know I’m wrong, and now, my Monday thoughts will be ladened with thoughts of a these two doing it. Gross! But now I have other questions, questions like, what did they think about while they knocked boots? And where is her mother? Even if she’s dead, she probably watched and was so not okay with it. I mean what do you think about when you fuck your daughter, or your dad?

Don’t answer that. I don’t want to know. I’m going back to Handy Smurf. He is a hottie smurf. And he’s not my daddy.