having your cake and eating it too…
OVERTOUCHING
I don’t think it’s a real word, but the other night, when my flova (friend and lova’) was trying to talk to me, I couldn’t stop fondling his not-so meaty legs. “I feel overtouched!” he said, as he pulled my hands off his body. “I just want to talk for a few minutes. Can’t we just talk?” I felt insulted…I mean, after all, how could he resist my womanly charms?
He immediately apologized because he didn’t mean to hurt my feelings. If you knew him you’d know that even if he says something that sounds as if it could be mean, it really isn’t meant to be that way. “It’s not that I don’t like you touching me,” he added, “only sometimes I need space.”
It’s hard not to feel like a disease infested animal when someone tells you to basically “back off bitch,” but I tried to get over it. Actually, I think I passed out, because I was really tired anyway. But, as my father often does, the next morning I was back to harping on the topic.
“I don’t want to make you feel overtouched,” I began, more because I actually think I do like the newest word in my vocabulary then because I thought he still felt that way. He apologized again, not that he had to, because I knew that as soon as he had said it, he didn’t really mean it.
And in the morning we touched. Even though he backed away when I squeezed his nipple while he was making breakfast…did I mention he always makes breakfast, which, just in case you’re trying to impress your flova, is a very good thing…but the truth is he’s not trying to impress me, he’s just hungry…okay, back to overtouching.. - But he said that was because it’s not easy to make eggs while you are getting your nipple poked and prodded. I can agree with that, but now I think the phrase “overtouching” has made me even more touchy feely.
I don’t remember being overtouched as a child. My parents are much more affectionate now than I remember them being as we grew up. Maybe I’m wrong on that, I mean my mother does think I have a warped memory of my childhood, but the only person I remember being consistently affectionate was my Aunt A. Accept for the time at the Tracy Chapman concert when she didn’t want me to touch her for “fear” that an aunt and neice might be perceived as a lesbian couple, she was always hugging and loving me. She made me want to touch..and now I can’t stop.
It might be a problem…this overtouching…although I only do it to the people I really, really like. Okay, wait, that might not be true, I’ll have to think on that one for a while..
Still, is it better to overtouch, or never to be touched at all?
We all crave skin hunger. How often should we satisfy our cravings?
April 4th, 2005 at 4:57 pm
How often should we satisfy our cravings for touch?
Boy, don’t get me started.
I hear from professional massuesses that people don’t want to be massaged as much as they simply want to be touched. NOBODY gets enough of it, I think. I sure as hell don’t.
But it’s funny: a lot of people don’t know HOW to touch someone. The one that wants to touch me these days drives me fucking NUTS because she *tickles* me- she doesn’t understand that a very light grazing touch when we’re watching a movie or something is just DISTRACTING. I’d love it if she’d just frankly TOUCH me with her fingers, or better yet, her whole hand, with enough pressure to let me feel her warmth….but instead she thinks it’s romantic to do this faint shit, and it’s like having a friggin’ ant crawling on you.
The problem, really is that most people can’t put themselves in your place, which is the same problem lousy lovers have. They don’t try to MERGE with you to the extent that they perceive what you perceive, and they don’t even try.
It’s funny. Some women think they give good massages, when in fact they push hard with their fingertips and it’s like being prodded with a pool cue. And the girls with long fingernails, paradoxically, often give the *best* massages, because they are used to using the PADS of their fingers, and it’s a much more comfortable pressure point than a boney fingertip.
Point is: if you’re going to touch someone, don’t just feel them- let them feel YOU. And touch them like you mean to comfort them, and try to imagine that you’re doing it to yourself at the same time.
OK. That was a rant, wasn’t it?
April 22nd, 2005 at 6:58 am
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May 31st, 2005 at 7:52 am
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