…for a relationship…

It’s a question that I don’t seem to have an answer for. At least not in my own life. When I think I’m ready I usually meet someone who isn’t, and then, knowing they’re not, and this making me not want to be, I shy away from the whole world of dating.

Dating is time consuming, and at 30, not quite as worth it as it has been these past few years.

Shouldn’t I be focusing on my career? That’s what I tell myself everytime a date leaves me with a sour taste in my mouth. Or worse. Everytime I meet someone that I can actually potentially enjoy for more than a one week period of time, and that person is so not in the same mindspace, but they enjoy me too, that’s when I realize that I don’t have time for this bullshit.

Dating is bullshit at times, and now, in the midst of trying to live, work and create, dating is most definitely the last thing I should be concerning myself with. I have no fear of growing up old and alone. I hope I get old, that’s more of a concern to me than who I do it with. I hope I’m not alone, but as long as I have friends, will I ever not have anyone? I don’t know. I’m sitting here at another “not my” computer, waiting to find out why the damn mortgage on my house is taking, to me, what seems like an eternity, but is apparently a pretty typical amount of time, and I see this pattern in my life right now..of waiting…waiting…waiting for something to happen.

And I’m obviously a bit hung up on all of this, or I wouldn’t be wasting my time blogging about it. I don’t want to be hung up on this. I want to meet an interesting, intelligent, self motivated, doesn’t need much sleep sort of partner who rules my world and who massages my brain. Like the kind of massages you kept at the beauty parlor (is that a grandma word?) - the ones that keep your head tingling, and from what you’ve been told at some point in your hairwashing days, stimulates growth.

I am growing but I want a stimulator. One I don’t have to think about. One I don’t have to worry about. One that wants to stimulate me as much as I want to stimulate them.

Still I don’t know. Isn’t it easier to be alone?
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Oh, and did anyone else see that special on 20/20 last night or are most people out on a Friday night, not bothering to stay home to watch a show on sex at 10PM? I’ve stayed home the past few nights, needing introspection, so I can admit that I was sitting in front of someone else’s TV when the show came on. I love when Primetime news covers sex, they do it in such a prudish but not quite. Here’s some of what I (re)learned:

*I’m happy to be a part of Playgirl. Playgirl TV is really going to help upgrade women’s erotica. Kelly Holland, the director/producer who was on the show last night is someone I am working closely with to make sure that what women get (sexually) is what women want. Sometimes I don’t know how I got so lucky, but I’m really excited about this and some of the other important sexual pioneers in my life.

*Short men have it rough. Maybe that’s sort of like fat ladies. Short men are less desirable to women, because of their (lack of) height, BUT short men make better husbands, because tall men are more likely to have the opportunity to pro-create with a larger percentage of the population.

*Size does matter. Even if she/he tells you it doesn’t. But width matters more.

*Married people have more sex than single people. On average a married couple has sex six times a month, a single person four times. Both those numbers seem low to me, but I will say this, if I ever find the “right” relationship at the “right” time, we are screwing more than six times in one week. Fuck six times a month! That’s practically asexual.

*Although 20/20 still thinks that men cheat more than women, but that women’s numbers are on the rise, I say women and men cheat equally, or at least think about it just as much. But everyone cheats, or thinks of cheating, over the course of a lifetime. Then again, 20/20 confirmed the “7 year itch.”
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Maybe I should ask 20/20 about my dating life. They seem to know it all.
Yes. I’m being sarcastic.