Ellen Stagg shot me for the 2010 NYC Sex Bloggers Calendar in her backyard in Brooklyn. I brought the hose and my mother’s vintage 70’s bathing suit.

This is the picture that almost went in the calendar. But almost doesn’t count…or does it?

Photo Credit: E Stagg

Life is changing for me as I post this, which is also the excuse as to why it’s been so difficult to keep up with my blog these past two weeks. I want to write about it ALL, or at least about this Sex in America panel I went to two weeks ago, and also about my trip to Jamaica, but right now I’m moving things around and shaking them up, and the truth is I have a mess to clean up (literally, in the room I now sit). So for now I will leave you with an HNT from last Thursday, in my hotel room at Hedo 2 where yes, there are mirrors on the ceilings.

With Hanukkah a few days away and Christmas just one week off, there’s no better time for another short, sexy, almost last minute gift guide. If you’re still looking for the perfect-ish gift to put a spring in a sex life, I’ve thrown my own ideas into the (cock) ring.

The Pure Wand: I know, I know. This is on my list all the time, but the truth is, this is my favorite non-vibrating sex toy and its unisex and hot and cold and sexy.  Sure, Smartballs, or if you’ve got the money, Lelo’s Luna Beads (the newer and more versatile of the two options) are also great, and they don’t vibrate either (although they technically do, when the balls hit against each other, but not in that power-vibration sort of way) - but when it comes to my one and only, it’s got to be njoy’s Pure Wand. A gift that keeps on giving.

We-vibe: In our house this is our favorite “couples” sex toy. It’s the most expensive gift on the list (not that the Pure Wand or the Bo are inexpensive) but if you’re looking for something two people can share together, at the same time, the We Vibe may be your best buzz.

Bo: Lelo’s elegant and rechargeable vibrating cock ring is an overall nice package (and that’s not even talking about the cock you’ll put it on). It should fit nicely over his package and it looks so sleek and modern. Bo is the kind of gift guaranteed to make him feel special - both physically and psychologically - and it will make her feel special things too.

Afterglow Candles: Jimmy Jane’s candles smell the best, look the nicest and work great for massage. My favorite flave is Figleaf, for it’s unisex appeal and delicate scent. Watch it burn, baby, burn, and then smother it all over a lover’s body.

Please Stroke Cream: Speaking of massage, this is a Good Vibe’s exclusive. The Please Stroke Cream is one way to get him to believe in hand jobs again. The perfect cream for manual stimulation (not so perfect for latex application), if you’re ready to take back the hand job, Please Stroke Cream can make hand jobs rock hard. Really hard. In your hand.

The Guide to Getting it On: In its latest, sixth incarnation, it’s over 1,000 pages of juicy goodness. Paul Joannides, the man behind the biggest, most comprehensive book on sex, is so smart and funny that you’ll want your own copy of this book for all eternity, or at least until the seventh edition comes out. Plus, it’s around $20 (and right now it’s 20% off), which means you’re paying under 2 cents a page. Where else can you get such a deal?

Toibocks: Need the perfect lock box for your secret stash? Toibocks is so smart that you may have a hard time unlocking it yourself. Okay, you’ll figure it out, but nobody else will.

Condom Cases: For Your Nymphomation’s adorable condom cases/change purses are on sale right now for almost nothing. These make great stocking stuffers, and also serve as a sexy reminder to practice safer sex.

Sliquid’s Blue Raspberry: If you like tasty lubes, but hate the taste of most lubes, you should def. check out Sliquid’s line of yummy water-based delights. Blue Raspberry is my favorite taste treat, but there’s also green apple and cherry vanilla to whet his willy, or to help wet the tunnel to her womb (hey, I was looking for another “w” here). And sliquid is glycerin free (which means no extra sugar) and they now have an organic line too, it’s just not as tasty.

Iconic Pocket Rocket: One more from Jimmy Jane. The iconic pocket rocket isn’t different in form and function than it’s more colorful predecessors, but there’s something about the sleek, white design that makes it look like it would be. There’s a whole iconic line of toys, but since the pocket rocket is the only vibe I ever needed (until I met the eroscillator) I am 100% loyal to this one.

Peredise: Aneros’ first officially designated Unisex toy, the Peredise is small enough to not look intimidating, and big enough to make you “get” Anal PC satisfaction.

For the Girls: A website designed by her and for her, if porn is something you like, but aren’t sure your female partner does, then why not buy her a short membership to a site designed to tickle her fancy? And if she’s into sexy movies and pictures already, then a membership to FTG can only add to her collection, and give you both new ideas for sexy times. Plus, starting early next year, you’ll be able to watch videos of me talking about all things sex. As if that’s not reason enough…

The very sexy Amber Ray’s even sexier things for your head: I just bought my first Amber Ray original. It’s a small flower clip, loaded with rhinestone bling, but now I’m hooked. Her head pieces are as outrageously magnificent as she is, and she makes the perfect unique gifts for anyone who loves a little flare.

The 2009 Sex Bloggers Calendar: As if you need an excuse to look at 12 sexy bloggers all year round, here’s a reason to buy the calendar. You’ll help support a fantastic cause - the Sex Work Awareness project. Get your 2009 calendars now, before you miss a month.

I agree with Dallas over at the Babeland blog. Working at Babeland can be really fun. I know it was a hard job to leave.This music video reminded me of why. What I love most is how each of them has his or her own adorably sexy moves.   

Rocking out with a stalk of brussel sprouts (it is peak season after all).

While one man is having a baby (again), lots of other men are opting out of the process, not only for today, but for ever. After reading an astounding statistic from the Guttmacher Institute that claims that 3.1 million pregnancies a year in the United States (that’s nearly half of the pregnancies in the U.S. each year) are by accident, I understand why vasectomies are not uncommon for men (approx. 500,000 men get sterilized each year), and getting more common for young men who are afraid of getting “oopsed” into having a baby. I have a friend who had a vasectomy in his late 20’s because he knew he never wanted to be a baby daddy, and now, over a decade later he’s still happy with his decision. Has it ruined a relationship or two? Sure. Especially if she envisions a family coming out of her own womb sometime down the road. But he knew, and knows, what he wants and he’s not going to let a little semen slippage mess that up. Of course there’s always adoption and a lot of kids need homes, but unfortunately, that doesn’t fly with a lot of women in the prime of their clockage.

I’ve always found myself in the middle of the debate about how much responsibility a man has in the baby-making process. If he decides to accept her decision (or their decision, but it’s rarely ever his decision) to have the baby, then yes, it’s just as much his responsibility as it is hers. But if he’s in love enough to believe that she’s definitely taken care of fetus prevention, or just plain dumb enough to believe that birth control is solely the woman’s responsibility, or not educated enough to know that even if you pull out she can get pregnant, then maybe he needs to be taught a lesson, but not necessarily forced into becoming a parent. The two of them can decide to talk about options. Like adoption. Or abortion. Or letting her mother pretend it’s hers, and then keeping it as a family secret until the baby is 18 when tragedy strikes and the nature of the family is forced out in the open.

What if she knows damn well what she’s doing when she has unprotected sex with her man meat? What if she wants a baby so badly she’ll lie, beg and steal to get it? If he’s not ready for a bouncing baby surprise, and he asks her to get an abortion or put it up for adoption, and she doesn’t want to, how can we say that he’s as responsible for the responsibility as she is? And that doesn’t mean if you’re a man and you don’t use condoms, I wouldn’t say “shame on you” and “did you learn your lesson now, buddy?” because I would. No doubt you’re an idiot if you don’t wrap your sausage before you slide it in her bun and think that there’s no chance in Bristol Palin that in nine months they’ll be calling you daddy.

Before you get all up on me for being what you may think of as (fill in the blank here) I am of the thought that if my boyfriend didn’t want the fetus warming in my tummy, and I did, that he wouldn’t have to be involved. It would be my decision to keep the thing, my decision to parent it. If he wanted it, but I didn’t, it would still be my decision, right? So when is it solely his decision? Because odds are I wouldn’t just give it to him if I didn’t want it, well, unless it was his last chance ever that he could be a father on his own and he desperately, die-ingly wanted to be a dad. In the end it is usually her decision and her body, and it’s so often not about him. If he’s not okay with having her baby, and she can’t be talked out of having it or keeping it, does he always have to be okay with it?

It’s important to note that no vasectomy should be taken lightly. It is a permanent procedure. It’s not all that expensive to get done, but it is expensive to reverse. Your health insurance is happy to help you prevent pregnancy. They are less happy to help you reverse it. And even if you reverse it, it doesn’t guarantee that you’ll ever get to be a baby daddy again.

This past summer Details posted about guy’s going under the knife. And The Chicago Tribune did the same type of story at the end of August. And while yes, I’m late in sharing these articles..sometimes it’s better late than pregnant.

image: Mike Wood Photography

Does how she walks determine from whence she comes?

If you think you can tell a sex beast by her swinging hips and fancy shoes, think again. Those who orgasm from the canal that Dr. Freud once claimed made them “mature,” are more likely, according to a recent study, published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, to walk with high energy and a fluid freedom of movement. Well, at least 81% of the time. The study, which taped the walks of 20 college-aged women living in Belgium, (I know what you’re thinking, wow! 20 whole women! This is definitely a study worth knowing about) claims that happy, healthy, vaginally orgasmic women walk differently than their miserly, clitorally controlled, counterparts.

Never mind if last night you bench pressed too much at the gym, if you’re tight in the body, then you’re too uptight in the twat.  “Walking with high energy and a kind of freedom of movement signifies both sensuality and confidence.The discerning observer may infer a women’s experience [with] vaginal orgasm from a gait that comprises fluidity, energy, sensuality, freedom, and absence of both flaccid and locked muscles,” at least that’s what these serious researchers have to say.

That means that next time you’re looking to get “lay lady lay,” and you want to feel like you’re rocking her canal, and not just her world, you should pick a woman who’s more loosy goosey than purely lucky fucky.  Even if lucky fucky, meaning you’re just lucky to get fucked, is all you’ve got, she may not be able to come vaginally (oh the horror! THE HORROR!) and then what? Will you ever be able to face your friends? Brag about it on facebook? I don’t think so.

Now, is there a mind/body connection to how sexually open we are? Hells yes. The brain is more powerful than the clit, the vagina or the peen when it comes to how your sex life is going, and sure, if you’re not feeling all sexy, sexy you make walk differently than if you are, but really, if only approximately 30% of women orgasm from vaginal penetration alone, and if vaginal penetration isn’t the end-all-be-all of orgasmic exploration, does being able to do it matter?

Probably not. Definitely not to me. I don’t care how you come. I just care that you do it if you want to do it. But you don’t have to have an orgasm each and every time you feel sexual pleasure. Because sexual pleasure isn’t always about orgasm. It’s about liking what you’re doing and who you’re doing it with. Whether it be your own Jackson five, or your neighbor’s hand, rod or tongue. The bottom line is it’s good to wub yourself wight whenever you feel like a little wub-a-dub-dub.

I don’t care if you walk this way, or that, or hell, even if you skip, crawl, or run down the street. And what about women in wheelchairs? How do they walk? The point is, whatever you do, don’t judge how a girl does sexy time by her gait.  You don’t know where she’s been or who she did last night. She might have rocked a cock so large she can’t walk, or she might have twisted her ankle on the treadmill. That’s why this survey sort-of-kind-of-in-actuality-utterly disgusts me. I pity the person who cares so much about how she walks, and where she comes from, literally, instead of just enjoying the pleasure that should be derived from enjoying the pussy.

Of course, if you’re still interested in this research, you can read more about the study here.