Not to be confused with the lady as a beard…

Hair has been my friend and my foe. From my arms to my lower back to my legs and in between them, I’ve got hair. Dark, thick, often curly hair - unless, of course I shave it off, which I do on my legs and under my pits, but don’t so much anymore, anywhere else.

When I’m shooting my adult educational materials, I often ask the performers to keep some hair-down-there. I’m surprised at how many people don’t want to, or simply won’t. I think that porn has done a major disservice to pubic hair. I’m not saying I like long, jungle strands of hair, I’m all for the trim, and even the shape, but I’m not a big fan of a shaved peach or penis. No, and ouch.

When I was younger I hated how hairy I was, but now I’m glad I’ve got hair, especially on my head. Still, I manage to groom the places where it makes me self conscious, around the outskirts of my bikini area as well as my upper lips and brows, but if I didn’t, I wonder how dark it would get. The stache that is. Cause these pics from Gloria Brame’s website make me think of that. Bearded ladies. I think they had to have some pretty high self esteem. I mean, wouldn’t you?

This week’s so last week goes from scandal at the Vienna Boys Choir to spicy foods and sexy ladies to oral sex cancer, we’re focusing on the mouth here, with those big, plump lips, pearly whites and deep, deep throats. It’s so last week: sex news you may have missed.

• One hot tamale: Tony Stamolis shoots spicy food and sexy ladies. Definitely NSFW. (Details)
• Why do we say we “use” porn? Charlie Glickman makes a good point. (GoodVibes)
• Vienna Boys Choir Sex Scandal. Shocking, really? Uhm, not so much! (TimesOnline)
• Allison Cooper’s story of falling in love with a transgender man. (O)
• Oral sex, HPV and mouth cancer. Is it all talk? (Time)
• Fruit of fungi sex, or more accurately the sex lives of Périgord Black Truffles. (NYTimes)
• Author Suzanne Portnoy was once the UK’s Queen of online dates, but now she’s hitting delete. (SuzannePortnoy)
• Jimmyjane meets Chelsea Lately via Kelly Cutrone. (Stylelite)

It’s time for another real sex verse porn sex workshop tonight, at the Pleasure Chest in LA, and this has me thinking (although most things get me thinking, honestly) about what I’ve learned from my years around porn. It’s not always pretty, but c’mon, you knew that already, so here are a few things that I can think of right now.

1. It’s cool to be comfortable in the skin you’re in, or the skin you paid to be in. Whether they’ve had lots of work to make them this way, or not, there’s just an overall comfort with porn performers around nudity on the job (duh!). It’s like they all grew up in families of nudists and being naked is the same as working at the Gap and throwing on light blue and khaki. I wish everyone were comfortable naked, since it is the only skin we’re born in, okay, fine and it sheds every seven years or what not, but the truth is, I’m not that comfortable being naked  in a room full of strangers, or in some cases, in a room with one other person. And not only do I work around adult performers, I also go to Burning Man - where you don’t have to be naked, but no one cares if you are. When you’re on set, most people don’t even think twice about seeing naked people, let alone a teet, like the one Janet Jackson once showcased at the Superbowl. Sure for some people the first minute is like WAHOO, or whatever word or emotion you want to use to describe it, but after that it’s just normal. Nudity is normal, so why can’t we see it that way on TV? We see violence like that, serious violence. All the time and on almost every channel.
2. We could all use a little “pick me up” some of the time. Yes, I’m not going to lie, and I’m not going to sit here and name names, but I know that male performers can, and do, use…uhm...pills that help them perform on command. The industry can be cruel to male performers, especially when there are restrictions to how long you have before you go into overtime. And when a guy loses his erection on a set of mostly other dudes, and they’re all waiting around for you to perk up, well, how easy is that? Not so easy. Not that I’m saying a healthy, normal, active male should use these pills, but what I’m saying I’ve learned is that we can all use a little help sometimes.
3. If she drinks a lot of water, she can squirt ludicrous amounts of ejaculate. Female ejaculation looks way more dramatic when you drink gallons of water before a shoot. Once you figure out how to ejaculate, and according to Jenny Spray everyone can - then you to can perform porn star party tricks at home.
4. We don’t take porn seriously, yet so many of us learn sex from it. This just reminds me of being a kid and thinking if I close my eyes then whatever I didn’t see doesn’t exist. C’mon people, porn is around, has been around and will be around longer than you are. So why do we keep trying to push it away? It’s not going away, so wouldn’t it be better and more productive to find ways to nurture it and make those who work in it feel safe? Just a thought.

Thoughts. I have lots of them. These are just a few. Now, it’s time to scrub down and suit up for tonight’s 101.

The Celebrity so last week sex edition. Whether you know them for being famous, infamous or you’re like who the f*ck is this?, this week’s so last week looks at celebrity, porn, penis, proms and sex.

• Dana Delany on sex after 50. (USA Today)
• Tiger’s lawyers have spoken. No more sex toys of Tiger’s wood. (HuffingtonPost)
• That whole lesbian-wearing-a-tuxedo-cancels-prom-thing makes this world a still-scary place to be who you are, but Ellen heals all (okay helps some) with a $30K check for Constance McMillen. (ABC)
• Big Dick can’t get into the New Museum in NYC. (CarnalNation)
• Casting call for Pirates of the Caribbean 4 asks for wenches without boob jobs (and more). (Moviehole)
• GQ&A. Rielle Hunter of the John Edwards undoing gets “real” and on the record. “It is not my desire to teach my daughter that when Mommy’s upset with Daddy, you take matters into your own hands and fix Daddy’s mistakes. Which I view as one of the biggest problems in all female-and-male relationships…” (GQ)
• “Porn for Women.” A Dove study reveals that men do some (13 hours/week) housework, but still feel they aren’t cleaning up in the acknowledgment department. (DailyMail)

Vulva products that aren’t better than the real thing, but eerily close.

Vulva Original, as if you’re vulva wasn’t original enough. After many years of testing and research, and a finely tuned preservation procedure, the fine folks at vivaeros have captured the “sought after organic vaginal scent with a long lasting effect.” Not to be used in your vagina, to be worn like perfume, on the back of the hand so that you can sniff pussy all the time without having to get in anybody’s pants. Question is, who’s vulva are you smelling for 24.90 euro’s?

Vulva candles. For those scorned, burned or looking for love and light, meet the genital wax family. There are penis candle too.

Vulva Portrait Pendant. Sort of like wearing your heart on your sleeve, only it’s wearing your vulva around your neck. After purchasing one of these pendants, you send two to three pictures of your box to the artist and a replica is devised. Then you can wear your mini-me and be constantly reminded of what a pussy you really are. If you’re not comfortable sending pics, you can always describe your vulva to the artist (somehow that feels slightly more creepy) or otherwise settle for one of the pre-made “beautiful flesh-toned Vulva pendants.”

It’s so last week .21, and the old news just keeps getting older, just like we do.

• Sharon Osbourne tells us how she keeps it hot with Ozzy. “How do we spice it up in the bedroom? Lots of sex toys. Spray cream around the b*llocks. Chocolate sauce on the kn*b. Lick, lick, lick.” (DigitalSpy)
• In England, 1 in 10 women fake orgasm. (LFPress)
• “You’ve been a very bad girl.” Lady Gaga and Beyonce make video porn.  (Youtube)
• Sex lives stay active as long as you do too. (TimesOnlineUK)
• Egg Donation for sale. Well, for the price of a raffle ticket. (CarnalNation)
• DC gets down with gay marriage. Yippee! (WashingtonPost)
• 20 fetishes that will either freak you out or help you get your freak on. Just ignore all the obnoxious subjective reporting that goes with this piece and you can learn a thing or two. (AMOG)

What a dull title for a post, I know, and this post is going to be rather slow for those looking for pictures of hot sex (although how often do I post those kinds of pics anyway?) but I’m back in NYC for a few days - a quick trip that includes business meetings and time with friends and their new babies - and one of the things I try to do when I’m here presently, is clean out more of my past. While digging through my drawers at home I found a poem I transcribed when I was in high school. Something about it struck me then, and I wrote it in marker, black and rainbow color, on a piece of white 8 1/2 by 11 inch paper, taking a lot of time to make it look nice. While I had the author as anon, a google search brought up the name Veronica Shoffstall. I’m retyping it here, because I still find huge meaning in the words. It reminds me, as I’m on the brink of reconnecting with past loves, that no matter what ends, there’s always something ready to begin.

Here goes…

Read more »

Three of tonight’s panelists: Candida Royalle, Nina Hartley and me!

Tonight I’ll be at the Pleasure Chest in LA (7PM) on a panel with some of my favorite women who work in the sexy sorts of filmmage (not a real word perhaps, but go with it, okay?)

Jane Hamilton had to pull out at the last minute - yes, ye olde withdrawal method - and in her place we’ve been blessed with another gifted filmmaker, one who’s leanings are slanted towards the east, even if she lives out west.

Today, I’ve decided to share something with you about each of the panelists. Something that I love about each of these women and a reason why, when creating this panel, they were who I wanted for the sake of contribution. I think this panel could have had Dana DeArmond and Joanna Angel on it too, since they’re both cool women making porn here in LA, but alas, or until next time…

So here’s something about each of the panelists:

Read more »

• More couples are shacking up and making babies. A research round-up from the fine folks at Gawker. (Gawker)
• PS1 Censors Performance Art, but not because of peeing, spitting or masturbating. (Gothamist)
• Bonking the stewardess is a huge turn-on. Japan Airlines is facing a boom in black market demand for flight attendant uniforms. (TimesOnlineUK)
• Topless hunk of frozen ice forced to put some clothes on. (TheFrisky)
• Campus Atheists gone wild. Free porn for bibles in Texas. (BoingBoing)
• Alabama continues to ban the sale of sex toys. (WAFF)
• Zoe Williams does chatroulette, strolling for wankers.  The odds of onanism online are 1 in 4. (Guardian)
• Circumcision in Massachusetts - can the state criminalize your mohel’s scissor? (VIDEO: FoxNews)
• Meet Death Bear, for times when breaking up is just too hard to do. (ModernLove)

Darth Vader’s not “up” for any awards this year. Downer.

With the Oscars only days away, and with this being my first experience of living in LA and actually having to deal with Oscar traffic in the middle of the day, and because I was reminded by the ever thorough and on-topic sex educator and researcher Cory Silverberg at about.com that this is the biggest movie week in Holly-wood, I’ve decided to share (yet again) two of my favorite sex scenes on film, one of which is already old enough that John Cusack’s about to star in a movie that brings him back to the 80s, where Revenge of the Nerds take place only two years prior to the year of “hot tub time machine” travel. And neither of these scenes has likely been nominated for anything other than corny goodness, but still, I do love them.

Okay, that was the longest sentence ever…

The first one is the Darth Vader/Cheerleader Moon-Bounce sex scene in the original Revenge of the Nerds. That’s the scene between nerd Louis and super sorority chick Betty. They get it on because Betty thinks that Louis is her boyfriend Stan. Afterwards she decides, and we cheer, that he’s better than Stan. I love that he doesn’t take his mask off for a while and the scene leaves the really hot stuff to our imagination. At the tender age of 10, that’s how old I was when the movie came out, that scene turned me on big time. It was the kind of sex I one day wanted to have, and still actually want to have. I think next time I’m in love I’m going to rent a moon bounce.

Read more »