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Friday, April 10 2009

Bisexuality: Can One Really Go Both Ways?

Can one be a true bisexual?

I hate that question actually. When I started my Masters in Human Sexuality Education back in 2001, bisexuality was the first topic I tackled in a paper I called the Bisexual Agenda. I argued around the word, calling it loaded and challenging. Apparently 7 years later, the word is still lingering between plausible and totally taboo.

My bigger question is: why do we have to worry about labels when it comes to our sexuality? Why does it matter if we like girls who are boys who like boys to be girls, or whatever derivation there of we find hot and sexy?

Back in the 50s, Alfred Kinsey - famed, and controversial sex researcher- devised a scale that he used to determine where men fell on the heterosexual verse homosexual rainbow. Men who were a zero (0) were completely heterosexual, while men who topped off at a six (6) were homosexual all the way. In between you had your slight homos, and your slight heteros. And then you had your three (3), the most balanced of the lot. The Kinsey 3 made you a bisexual through and through.

If you’ve ever placed yourself on a scale, even just to check in on how much you weigh, you know that every scale is a little off. And so even when you’re sure that you weight is 116 lbs, you head to the next scale where you weight 110. Does it really matter anyway if you have, or don’t have those extra 6 lbs? Is someone going to tell you you’re a different person because of a few extra centimeters? I don’t know if there’s really a point here, since I’m making the leap from weight to sex, but my point is that it doesn’t matter. Scales only matter as much as you place stake in what they say, and that’s the whole point. And when it comes to sexuality, it’s not about the scale or the label, its about what gets your blood flowing and your heart pounding.

I think a lot of people who aren’t evaluating their sexuality on a regular basis, like I am, think more about the person they’re with now, and the types of people they’ve been with before, when they label themselves for research that forces them to place a label on who they are, and a value on what they do. But that doesn’t mean anything to me.

Who cares if your bi, or not? If you enjoy meeting a man one night and a woman the next why does it matter? If you’re last partner was a dude and now you’re with a dudette, do you have to come out of the closet as gay, straight, bi or unsure?

My first sexual experiences were with another girl, and yes, I’ve had other experiences with women since then. But I also like men. Still, if you ask me if I am bi, I’m not. I don’t care what I am, I care who I like. And its the person, not the particulars that make it all worth while.

Still, if you think you want to know more, Fox News’ sexpert can give you some facts. But facts aren’t always enough. Just the tip of the bi-ceberg.

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One Response to “Bisexuality: Can One Really Go Both Ways?”

  1. Staci Wantuck Says:

    Interesting article.. I would consider myself a tried and true bisexual, and alway find the subject’s existence being debated fascinating. …I’d imagine it’s kind of like how big foot would feel if he walked past a copy of national enquirer and he was on the cover..

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