i’m thankful for everything. including, but in no particular order;

the soft. the hard. the love of love. the love of friends. the learning. the avn nomination. opportunities. kind words. brains. my life. life in general. cats that talk. obama. mindblowing sex. alternative realities. the simpsons. girl power. peanut butter.

Back in the day of big hair and tight jeans that zippered above the waist, I was in love with Axl Rose. I guess I was never really “in love” with him, the way I was with my first boyfriend, my current boyfriend, or a couple of the hot sex flings I had between the two, but as a not-so-rebellious teenager growing up in Long Island in the late 80′s/early 90′s, my guilty pleasure was long haired, heavy-ish metal lead singers who could easily pass as beautiful, statuesque women. My first love was Sebastian Bach from Skid Row. For him I’d do anything, even follow him to Broadway to watch him perform mediocrely in both Jeckyll and Hyde and the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Next up was Bon Jovi, Brett Michaels (way before VHI remade him), Axl Rose, Steven Tyler and even Jani Lane of Warrant, especially around the Cherry Pie and Down Boy days.

I had other crushes too, but when it came to hair metal, these were my top guns. And with the release of the first Guns N’ Roses album in over 17 years (if you can call it a Guns N’ Roses album) I’ve been thinking a lot about this particular fiery, fearsome high school crush. I was young enough and naive enough not to see the bad in Axl. I was way more enamored with his snake-like dance moves then his bad-to-other-people MO. And now 13 years after the start of Chinese Democracy, Axl is back in the news, and it seems that while Rose is not over at all, my love for him is.

Why I loved Axl had everything to do with the way he moved and the way he sang. He had a unique voice, one that made me teary when I heard “November Rain,” nostalgic when I sang along to “Civil War,” and riled up when I listened to “Get in the Ring.” But that’s all just off the Use Your Illusion albums, and any illusions of Guns N’ Roses I once had were shattered when I saw him appear on MTV back in 2002. This wasn’t the same Axl that stood up a sold out crowd at Madison Square Garden (years later I found out that when I went to see him play that night, the band wasn’t even in New York when it was time for them to go on), no, this was a very different Axl. Not only still full of himself, but full of botox, bloat, and a bad hair weave.

It was a low moment for what was left of Guns N’ Roses. Not only because there was no release date for this new album (it took six years from then til its release now), and not only because it was being called Guns N’ Roses without uhm, Slash, Izzy or Duff, but also because seeing Axl up on stage that night is like seeing Brett Michaels on TV - embarrassing. I mean, Buckethead? Who the f*ck is Buckethead?

If only Bon Jovi and Steven Tyler would write a book for aging hair metal lead singers about how to stay relevant and hot, perhaps Axl could have been saved. But he sold his soul to something much worse than the proverbial devil many years ago (I would say that was around the time he beat Stephanie Seymour or wrote the song “One in a Million.”)

Whatever has happened, Axl Rose has risen from the dead. And while I have not heard most of Chinese Democracy, just clips of it being played on Sound Check on NPR, I know that my love of Axl ended sometime in those 13 years he spent on his comeback. If it takes that long to get it right (and it’s the only effort you’re making), perhaps it’s not right to get it at all. Still, for the love of Axl, I will listen to Chinese Democracy at some point before the new year. I will try not to cringe, or critique, the album until I’ve heard it all the way through. I’d like to give him a fair chance at making his way back into my heart, but I’m not convinced he can do it. No matter what, when I think back to Appetite or Use Your Illusion (1 and 2), I will think of better times. But seeing Axl these days reminds me of the fleeting urgency of love. Of how it’s great when you’ve got it, but not so easy to get it back once it’s gone.

eHarmony has to finally recognize, and fix, the fact that they don’t “do” gay dating, Viagra is used for something other than an erection and clitoris is not a safe word.

• Viagra for sport (and not sex as sport here). Yep, the little blue pill is here to help athletes stay play hard. Or is it? Research is being done to see if Viagra provides athletes with more than a stiffy. The NY Times reports.
• eHarmony finally gets outed.
• The clitoris makes it onto a list of google’s banned words. Let the Comstocks enlighten you. Then, read Susie Bright. She takes the argument to the next level.
• Long live long labia. Time.com does a story on the repackaging of female genitalia. Read even more about it at the New View Campaign.
• Who knew that Kotex panty liners could teach you about kegel exercises? Christine Yu did. I’m a luna pads kind of girl.
• UCSanta Cruz’s City on a Hill Press snoops around to find out why female masturbation is still so hush-hush.
• Examiner suggests five naughty gift ideas for the nice gift giver in all of us, while Pleasurists #5 offers up a smorgasbord of gift ideas for giving and receiving.

One more example of how the French are much, much more sexually progressive than we are. It’s the Zizi Sexuel Exposition at the Cité des sciences. Now through January. Anyone want to go to Paris, and take me? 

Zizi Sexuel by 555th

I didn’t even know what HNT stood for until two weeks ago when I texted my friend Tess and asked, “what’s HNT?” So now that I know it stands for half-nekkid thursday (or naked, depending on which you prefer), I figure it’s time to play along. At least this week.So here it is, my HNT (and yes, that’s an old school microphone on my back):

From the Mingle2 blog,  one example of bad kissing:

drawn by Matthew Inman

For me a bad kisser doesn’t use too-much tongue, it’s more like they don’t know how to use their tongue at all. That means it could be too much, or too little, or too stiff or too loose. I get off when my partner has sensual tongue moves, meaning they know how to work it both in and out of my mouth, and they have a tongue and a kiss that shows both confidence and care. I’m most definitely not into lizard-style lip-locking, that’s the kind where his or her tongue quickly flicks in and out of my mouth. I hate slobber, and I try to avoid halitosis. I am totally turned off if I have to wipe my mouth whenever I come up for air, or if it tastes like something just died in your mouth (which for me always means avoid raw onion). I once kissed a guy who would not use his tongue at all. AT ALL. It just lay there, in the back of his mouth, as if it were on its last licks. That definitely wasn’t for me, no, not so much.

I’ve often wondered if it’s ever too late to learn how to kiss? I mean, can you teach an old tongue new tricks?

More examples of bad kissing are here.

Thanks Curvaceous Dee

Originally published in Xbiz, here’s my review of Babeland’s Sasi.

If you like your sex toys as smart, or possibly smarter, than your sex partners, the Sasi is the latest in intellectual, and erotic, stimulation.  Like it’s predecessor the Je Joue, the Sasi moves in ways no other vibrator can. It dances circles around your clit, or it can spend time on the left upper quadrant alone. And, it goes up and down with more fluidity than most of the contestants on So You Think You Can Dance.

While Sasi may get you off quickly, it’s definitely meant to be enjoyed leisurely. It’s not the vibe I’d go to when I just want to have a quick orgasm. The vibration is an option, but not necessary to get the feel of a good lover’s tongue, and it’s nowhere near as intense as the Hitachi Magic Wand. If you don’t like a movement, you can teach the Sasi to skip it, because yes, this toy is smart enough to learn. If you like something that your Sasi is doing, you can hit the power button once (when the toy is on it becomes the “don’t stop” button) and Sasi will remember what you likey, likey and make you keep getting more of it. Plus it’s rechargeable, you can change the faceplate (for the fashion conscious out there) and the silicone sleeve is easy to remove and wash.

Truth is, I need more time with this toy. I like what it does because nothing else like it exists, but with a hefty price tag ($185) you can always find a cheaper date to give you cunnilingus. The question remains - do you want to have to make small talk?

The vibrating toilet seat and it’s inventor. Photo Credit: Eloria Newell James 

• Nationwide, people protest the lack of equality in marriage.
• Locally, the New View Campaign protests the medicalization of sex.
• Obabies for Obama. Will the man responsible for sparking hope also spark the next sexual evolution?
• Are hormones to blame for the rise and fall of the trader? Recent research points to testosterone and cortisol as the culprits.
• The headline in the Laurel Leader Call read “Local Man Invents Vibrating Toilet Seat“. The tagline could read, “designed to make you feel good while you make the room smell bad.” Someone, somewhere must have read the headline as Loco Man Invents Vibrating Toilet Seat.
• Uganda’s Media Council bans the circulation and publication of pornography. Freedom of expression is flushed down the vibrating toilet.
• Are you pondering what I’m pondering? Greta Christina asks does overexposure to sex make us jaded?
• Not so shocking. Attractive and unintelligent former Vice Presidential running mate inspires loads of Americans to want do to her.
• They NY Daily News is the first to let us know that Miss Vera’s School for Boys Who Want to be Girls is back in session! Grab your high heels and a class schedule and shake it like a polaroid picture.
• And since it hasn’t gone away just yet…Playgirl’s demise is rehashed in Sunday’s NY Times.

While one man is having a baby (again), lots of other men are opting out of the process, not only for today, but for ever. After reading an astounding statistic from the Guttmacher Institute that claims that 3.1 million pregnancies a year in the United States (that’s nearly half of the pregnancies in the U.S. each year) are by accident, I understand why vasectomies are not uncommon for men (approx. 500,000 men get sterilized each year), and getting more common for young men who are afraid of getting “oopsed” into having a baby. I have a friend who had a vasectomy in his late 20′s because he knew he never wanted to be a baby daddy, and now, over a decade later he’s still happy with his decision. Has it ruined a relationship or two? Sure. Especially if she envisions a family coming out of her own womb sometime down the road. But he knew, and knows, what he wants and he’s not going to let a little semen slippage mess that up. Of course there’s always adoption and a lot of kids need homes, but unfortunately, that doesn’t fly with a lot of women in the prime of their clockage.

I’ve always found myself in the middle of the debate about how much responsibility a man has in the baby-making process. If he decides to accept her decision (or their decision, but it’s rarely ever his decision) to have the baby, then yes, it’s just as much his responsibility as it is hers. But if he’s in love enough to believe that she’s definitely taken care of fetus prevention, or just plain dumb enough to believe that birth control is solely the woman’s responsibility, or not educated enough to know that even if you pull out she can get pregnant, then maybe he needs to be taught a lesson, but not necessarily forced into becoming a parent. The two of them can decide to talk about options. Like adoption. Or abortion. Or letting her mother pretend it’s hers, and then keeping it as a family secret until the baby is 18 when tragedy strikes and the nature of the family is forced out in the open.

What if she knows damn well what she’s doing when she has unprotected sex with her man meat? What if she wants a baby so badly she’ll lie, beg and steal to get it? If he’s not ready for a bouncing baby surprise, and he asks her to get an abortion or put it up for adoption, and she doesn’t want to, how can we say that he’s as responsible for the responsibility as she is? And that doesn’t mean if you’re a man and you don’t use condoms, I wouldn’t say “shame on you” and “did you learn your lesson now, buddy?” because I would. No doubt you’re an idiot if you don’t wrap your sausage before you slide it in her bun and think that there’s no chance in Bristol Palin that in nine months they’ll be calling you daddy.

Before you get all up on me for being what you may think of as (fill in the blank here) I am of the thought that if my boyfriend didn’t want the fetus warming in my tummy, and I did, that he wouldn’t have to be involved. It would be my decision to keep the thing, my decision to parent it. If he wanted it, but I didn’t, it would still be my decision, right? So when is it solely his decision? Because odds are I wouldn’t just give it to him if I didn’t want it, well, unless it was his last chance ever that he could be a father on his own and he desperately, die-ingly wanted to be a dad. In the end it is usually her decision and her body, and it’s so often not about him. If he’s not okay with having her baby, and she can’t be talked out of having it or keeping it, does he always have to be okay with it?

It’s important to note that no vasectomy should be taken lightly. It is a permanent procedure. It’s not all that expensive to get done, but it is expensive to reverse. Your health insurance is happy to help you prevent pregnancy. They are less happy to help you reverse it. And even if you reverse it, it doesn’t guarantee that you’ll ever get to be a baby daddy again.

This past summer Details posted about guy’s going under the knife. And The Chicago Tribune did the same type of story at the end of August. And while yes, I’m late in sharing these articles..sometimes it’s better late than pregnant.

It’s a shorty this week as I’m running now (well, not running, but walking) to catch a bus to Boston to teach at Good Vibes Brookline tonight and tomorrow night. A limited number of tickets are still available for both workshops in case you’re in the area and want to stop in. Now for some news:

• In 2010 (which sounds farther away than it is) there’s a new birthing center opening in New York! Sex toy shop Babeland is throwing them a party. Hooray for having babies outside of hospitals!
• The second installment of the Sex Bloggers Calendar Video is up. It’s a sneak peak of what’ you’ll be getting when you buy your 2009 calendar. See you at the party on Friday!
• Ducky Doolittle outs herself. The world has been waiting for this one, or at least I have. Especially since last week, when Arkansas went anti-child.
• Researchers claim foreplay is overrated in the Czech republic. Is it a European thing? I think foreplay is overrated too, but only bad foreplay.
• Dave Stewart, co-founder and former member of the Eurythmics, might have once helped you rock out, but now he’s hoping to help you get your rocks off with his latest business venture.