Cunnilingus is not Cameralingus

I came up with the term cameralingus last night while teaching a workshop about porn star sex with Nina Hartley at The Pleasure Chest. And I have to say, I quite like it.

Cameralingus is oral sex done on a woman for other people’s pleasure. It shows a lot of tongue, something you don’t usually see when cunnilingus is in the hot-n-heavy phase, and it’s always photographed or videotaped.  Cameralingus also shows oral sex in positions that aren’t always great for pleasureable oral sex.

An example of cameralingus:

image via cunnilingus erotica

Cunnilingus is oral sex done on a woman for her pleasure. It involves sucking, suckling, nuzzling, rubbing and other words that end in ing. It is always about her, and not always, or in most cases, about the camera. When we take what we learn in porn, often we perform cameralingus in lieu of, or in conjunction with, cunnilingus.

Here’s an example of cunnilingus:

image via Ed Strong

If you want to learn more about good cunnilingus technique, Babeland’s primer is one place to start.

Veggie Porn

You’ll never look at veggies the same way again.

‘Veggie Love’: PETA’s Banned Super Bowl Ad

Sex News Square Down #14

SNSQ #14 tackles the complexity of the most powerful sex organ. From what women want, to what Ted Haggard likes, it’s not always “this” or “that” when it comes to deciphering what’s really going on in your brain.

  • What does a women want when it comes to sex? Daniel Bergner writes an in-depth, and insightful, article on the malleability of female erotic attraction. (NY Times)
  • Hush money or compassionate assistance. What exactly was the New Life Church thinking when they gave another young man $$$ after he came out…. about his affair with Ted Haggard. (Denver Post)
  • Coregasms can be a side effect of working out. (
  • From pageant to porn, Miss USA (1991) makes her adult film debut. (The Daily Telegraph)
  • And more porn, or at least pictures of a pregnant porn star (or is it former porn star these days?) Photos of a healthy, vibrant, very pregnant Jenna Jameson. (The

F*%$ Friday

Me. In LA. Amidst all the spinning.

It’s raining in LA, but that’s not even as crazy as it gets. Today has been about too much information. Still processing it all. Recently landed and my head is spinning. Realizing that life changes faster than we expect it to, until we accept that life changes faster than we expect it to, and then the fast changes don’t seem as fast, but they still seem major. If this doesn’t make sense, then see sentence four. I blame it on the head spinning.

David Arquette is way hotter in person. He was on my plane. Courtney Cox, I didn’t even recognize her. She was there too. So was their adorable daughter.

But right now - head spinning.

If I could do anything tonight, I’d be home having sex all night. I just want to be in bed right now. In positions I’ve never tried, or in positions I know I like.

Speaking of positions, this sex positions video I’m working on is helping my head spin.

Since it’s F*%$ Friday, literally, remember…pillows make great props and prop you up. Closing your legs around his penis makes things tighter. Sideways is underrated and stretching is going to help your limbs last longer.

Now, I’m off to watch my head spin.

36 things about choice

Today is the 36th anniversary of Roe V. Wade and yay! that a woman’s right to choose is still being upheld. It’s been touch and go before, but with Obama in office, I’m confident that we will continue to go in the right direction. At Naral Pro-Choice America’s Blog For Choice today they’re asking bloggers to answer the question - What is your top pro-choice hope for President Obama and/or the new Congress? Instead of answering, I decided to come up with 36 things about choice.

1.  Let’s start with the obvious…choice isn’t only about a or b.

2. When it comes to sexuality, choice isn’t only, or always, about whether or not to terminate a pregnancy.

3. Choice is about making decisions.

4. Choice is about making easy and tough decisions. But important decisions nonetheless.

5. Choice tells us that we are in control of our actions.

6. Choice means we make mistakes, but it also means we have the right to make a mistake.

6. Choice isn’t black or white, and neither is life.

7. Choice opens us up to a world full or rainbows of color. (oh, so cheesy it is - but true).

8. A woman’s right to choose is something that translates into both her personal and professional life.

9. Choice can make my mind spin, but at least it keeps me active.

10. Without choice, what do we become?

11. Choice allowed us to break free from the hell that was these last eight years.

12. Choice showed me that I don’t only like chocolate ice cream.

Read More»

My Penis and Everyone Else’s

Today marks the most historic day in American history in many, many years. I know 9.11.2021 wasn’t many, many years ago, and yes it was an historic day as well, but this is a happy historic day.

While waiting for the inauguration to officially begin, which is about to happen any second, I’ve found another man worthy of praise on this glorious day. His name is Lawrence Barraclough and he is filmmaker who has been struggling with the emotional and physical “limitations” surrounding the size of his penis. He has a small dick, he himself admits it. When it’s erect it’s approximately 3 inches. In his first documentary, which aired over two years ago, “My Penis and I” he spent two years discovering just how much size mattered. He’s now followed up that first film with a second one, “My Penis and Everyone Else’s.”

It’s not easy for a guy to go on camera and talk about his small penis. I imagine it’s even harder when he poses the question (again and again) does size matter?, only to find out that when it comes to most people’s immediate response, the answer is overwhelmingly yes. And even if you’re in the minority because you are more enlightened than the rest of the world, the truth is, you know you’ve thought that size mattered at some point. It’s the most often asked question, this size thing, and while I believe that a man with a small penis can be a better lover than a man with a big one (especially if he knows how to use his hands and tongue) I know that I’ve been guilty of thinking about how I would feel if I had a lover I couldn’t feel deep inside of me.

I’d like to think it wouldn’t make or break my relationship, but I’m only human, and I don’t really know what it would do for me. But that’s not the point right now. The point is, Lawrence Barraclough is a brave man, one who goes on camera and says “I have a small penis” and even shows it to anyone who has an Internet connection or lives in a place where they get BBC3. And in this next film “My Penis and Everybody Else’s” he asks other men to submit photos of their “chaps” to show the world that there are myriads of penis sizes on all types of bodies. What I also hope it shows is that size does not make the man.

I think everyone should take a moment to think how much size matters. And what size matters most? Is it really the size of his penis or does the size of his heart and mind matter more? And then everyone should have to see both of these films. Or at least watch the trailers here.

Sex News Square Down #13

In this week’s Sex News Square Down, while the world won’t be abstaining from celebration tomorrow, abstinence only education is still scarring the children. Plus, how much money he makes can affect her sex life. And IFC’s 10 Worst Presidential Sex Scandals - is something wrong if 3 of those 10 involve Clinton?

  • Abstaining from premarital sex is the only way to achieve your dreams. At least that’s what a man with a degree from a clown school is telling children. Is this the sex education you want to see in your schools? (Amplify Your Voice)
  • Speaking of abstinence only education, the future of its funding is in limbo. Obama gets what’s wrong with the system, even if states like Georgia say they’ll keep on abstaining. (The AP)
  • And since tomorrow is the big day, here’s a look back at some other big, but not so big days, in the White House. It’s IFC’s 10 Most Scandalous Presidential Sex Scandals. Something tells me Obama won’t be making this list. (IFC)
  • New research out of China “confirms” that the number of orgasms a woman has with her partner is directly related to the size of his/her wallet. Apparently a woman who doesn’t have to worry about bills can worry more about banging. (Times of India)
  • I grew up a hair-metal girl, one who loved Steven Tyler, Sebastian Bach, Bret Michaels (before Rock of Love) and Axl Rose (before 1996). So, when Steven Tyler talked to Elle Magazine about his thing for twins, sex on a plane, marriage and how competing for women gave him crabs, I thought it was a must-read. It’s probably not a must-read, but it’s a fun-read if you’ve got two minutes. (Elle)
  • If you are, or know, a women with wandering loins, researchers are betting you can blame it on estrogen, or more accurately estradiol. Dr. Kristina Durante of The University of Texas at Austin found that women who feel pretty have higher levels of estradiol, and are therefore more likely to share themselves, and their prettiness, with the world. (Yahoo)

The Dilemma of Increasing my Sexual Desire

I’m sitting at my desk staring down a box of pills that promises to increase my desire and pleasure. I’ve been staring at the same box for almost a week now, the one with instructions like “consult a physician before using this product if you have a family history of heart disease, liver disease, kidney disease, how “good” cholesterol (HDL)…” and I’m wondering not only how I know if I “how” good cholesterol, but also if I feel this product is safe enough to ingest. I do have a thirty day supply.

I’m supposed to write a review of it for Xbiz, and while I said yes to reviewing the product, my boyfriend is encouraging me to say no. He doesn’t think I should ingest a pill that guarantees, in it’s new! just for women! formula that it will enhance my arousal and response, boost passion and increase sexual intensity - things he apparently doesn’t think I need help with, and things I never expected, or desired, to find in a pill.

I sit here deciding what to do. I don’t like ingesting things I don’t know, like GABA (and why is it the only ingredient that is written in all caps?), chrysin and shilajit.  I’m not all that adventurous when it comes to what food I put in my mouth, let alone what pills. Although, come to think of it, I won’t say that I’ve never ingested an adventurous pill, but I can say I’ve never ingested a pill whose sole purpose was to make you more adventurous in bed.

I’ve never quite understood how they get you in the mood, and honestly I’m not passionate enough about herbal sex tablets to donate my body for the cause. I imagine that the pills send some warm, tingly sensations to your genitals, making you aware that your vulva wants attention and then you either like how it feels or you think it’s too much attention. Either way, the pill works because whether you’re itchy and scratchy or you’re totally stimulated and warm, something inside of you tells you that you must touch yourself.  Or perhaps your heart beats so fast after ingesting black cohosh standardized extract that you think love will set it straight.

So, will a few days hurt me? A few days of muira puama extract and boron? I can search around online, sure, but no website can guarantee to explain how my body will react. It’s totally individual. Like this decision to ingest the herbs is.

One thing is certain. There’s only one way to find out if my sexual hope and happiness come in the form of a combination of damiana and horney (their spelling, not mine) goat weed extract. And so I’m almost ready to pop. Almost.

Is the Sex Industry Going Limp?

Everybody agrees that this year’s adult entertainment expo was a bust. A limp show compared to other years, complete with an incomplete number of exhibitors and fans. On the day that the show opened to fans - where you can usually expect a line that reaches from one building to the other, you could actually see the end of the line, and you didn’t have to walk far to do so. And each year there seems to be one standout performance by a solo company (via their booth), but this year, not a single one. No Abby Winters (that was last year) and no (that was two years ago), and nobody did anything that everybody was buzzing about, well, except for AEBN (very NSFW) who apparently had this machine that you put your dick in and it screws you like the girl on the film would if you were actually having sex with her.

Is is a sign of the economic times? As Sarah Palin might say, “you betcha!” But is it more than that? Has traditional porn gone the way of the VCR?

It’s hard to say if it’s just porn, although Cory Silverberg did write an interesting piece yesterday on the future of porn.  In it he poses an interesting question; can we all be porn-ed out?


Is this the end of porn as we know it?

While I’d like it to be the end of some of the porn as I know it, I don’t think we’ll have that much luck. What I do think is that a lot of consumers are porn-ed out when it comes to spending money on porn. Why buy the milk when you can get the cow for free?

Besides the financial woes of both consumers and providers, Silverberg ponders porn to a greater extent than I will right now. I’ll just say that frankly I’m surprised that there is still so much bad sex being made for camera, and I can’t fathom how the industry, or more like certain companies, have got away with so much for so long. But I don’t think it’s just porn. When I talk about the mainstream sex industry, I’m talking about the toy people too. There’s been a lot of cheap products made for people’s coochies (and more) for way too long, and it seems that those guys are taking a hit too.

Love LA, the un-porn sex show, was supposed to happen next weekend in LA. When I say supposed to it means it’s not happening anymore. It’s moving to the summer at a time when things might be better. But they might not be. Apparently toy companies received a blow this past week in Vegas too, and have decided that two shows too close in time, but not in proximity, wouldn’t work so well for them. Most of the companies that would be at Love LA are struggling because they’re small, independently owned and operated. But there’s also a lot of crap floating around the toy industry, and it’s not the flushable kind.

While Babeland tells that sales are great (and after this past weekend I do believe them), I don’t think that most of the industry can say the same. Of course, I’m only one sex educator in a sea of sex, but from what I’m seeing, the industry - all over - is suffering. However, unlike the larger companies, the ones that make the cheapest toys, it seems that consumers are looking for value when it comes to their vulva, penis or ass. That means quality counts, and a toy that can last a lifetime is being seen as a bigger bargain than a toy that can last a night. But then again, Tenga, my new favorite toy for boys, is both disposable and recyclable, and that doesn’t last.

Whatever happens to sex toys and adult films, one thing is certain, pleasure isn’t a fad. That being said, how much, or how often, people will pay for cheap, mass produced sex or sex toys, that fad might be fading.

My Life in Photo: More From AEE

It’s the wall of Fleshlight and Fleshjacks (masturbation sleeves)!

They’re easy to use. Easy to clean up. Easy to store, and easy to stick it in. I love that they’re not only available in a variety of textures and colors, but (most importantly for some) in a variety of orifices.

Fun for any finger and even more fun for any dick.

Fleshlight is available in the following original shapes (and then some): vulva, mouth, anus, super tight mini maid and slit
© Copyright Jamye Waxman M.Ed.