Here’s what’s up:

I’m mentioned in Regina Lynn’s new Wired column about scheduling sex! (no link with my name though - oh well, I love press!) I don’ t think scheduling sex is a bad idea, in fact, I think as we spend more time in the same relationship, spontaneity can’t really exist all that much, and therefore scheduling is a good way to ensure that sex will happen. Sure some couples still have sex all the time, but I don’t really know any of those couples in long term relationships. Anyway, that’s my two cents.

I finally got my diploma in the mail. Now it feels more official. My masters in education (of the human sexuality kind, and yes today I’m using a lot of parentheses). I’m going to look into my doctorate after this year, but not now cause I still have projects in the works that I haven’t been able to announce and that would make me a very, very busy girl this year.

One project I will announce though is that I’m really close to signing my second book deal!!!! My first book Women Loving Women will be out in June 2007 (Quiver Press). It’s a bit of a picture book with words, but I loved the experience. It boosted my confidence as a writer, and allowed me to be part of a series of books that included other prominent sex authors like Barbara Carrellas and Susan Crain Bakos (the first thing you’ll find out about her if you google her name is that she likes the feel of black skin). Regardless, I can’t wait to see the book!

I found out that I’m mentioned in the Swedish Magazine Pause for being a great online sex site…I really am making updates (my Links page should be up soon) and I’m totally stoked about the mention, and feel that now I must become/remain a great online sex site.

Speaking of good things coming out of Sweden. I think I just fell in love with my first new vibe in a while (I’m not saying it’s the last new vibe I’ll love, but boy do I love it). I’ll write my glowing review of it over the weekend (promises, promises), but if you’ve got the cash to get yourself one new sex toy now, or you can wait until Christmas and ask someone else for it then, I totally think you should make this the one. Check out Lelo’s Iris (it’s the vibe on their home page). I want one more day of play with it before I dish the details, but OH MY GODDESS, this one’s a keeper.

I’ve started taking self portraits of me in a shirt (of some sort) and underwear. I have a wide and varied underwear collection, and really enjoying wearing undies and a T shirt around the house. Sometimes I like to wear socks with my T-shirt, undie combo. My latest photos include some white gym-type socks. Nobody has seen these pictures yet, not even my boyfriend, but I’m sure I’ll show them to him before I show them elsewhere, although I’m tempted to put one up here.

Also, I’ve been googling around (as mentioned above in the Susan Crain Bakos aside) and found this NSFW site. Before you click, ask yourself, do I like blood with my porn? If the answer is no, then my best advice is don’t go here. I haven’t paid to see more pics btw, just been mesmerized by her home page - in other words, I know nothing more about the site. However, it has made me think about my relationship with blood and sex and how, although having my period hasn’t stopped me from having sex, how I’ve thought about things differently during that time of the month, and how maybe I shouldn’t (think differently about being sexy when I’m bleeding). Because menstruating is a natural, beautiful, feminine thing.

Just like me.

Diamond in the Buff

Are you pondering what I’m pondering? (Note: I am not pondering the below entry in this picture).

From almost yesterday’s “Daily News

Dorky and strangely attractive geekster Dustin Diamond (Screech in Saved by the Bell) has filmed himself having sex on tape, and it will soon be available for your eyes only. Well, not “only” but as well.

The video isn’t apparently your basic man-on-top-fuck-me-til-I-come celebrity video. It’s got a “kinky” threesome and a dirty sanchez. While the act itself would not do it for me, it does feed into my obsession with people with scat fetishes. Now I must change the topic….quickly…

I got an email today from an older woman who wanted to know the best position to get fucked in “if you don’t have a lot of sex” (her words). I answered her briefly;

really it’s any position you like.

if you’re on top you have more control and that makes a lot of women feel more comfortable.

if you’re on bottom - (missionary or on your back) - he goes in deeper (farther)

doggie style - he goes in deeper

Spooning is always nice. he’s behind you and your bodies cup. You get to be close that way.

Enjoy the sex.

I googled her email address, just to see where she was from, since it had an actually web address (not like or after the @ sign. And it was a Catholic School teacher. I loved that she used the word fuck in her one sentence question, and that she’s probably this outwardly proper Christian school teacher. I hope my advice was enough for her. If I had googled her first, and realized where she was coming from (catholic school) I would have given her more details about the sex she could have. I didn’t want to write back after the first email though, because that might have seemed weird.

I hope she’s dirty. I hope she uses whips and chains and ties him up to the bedpost asking “who’s your daddy?” I hope she rides him in both forward and reverse directions, and that she takes it from behind and he cups her breasts, one in each hand, as their bodies collide together. I hope she comes multiple times, and only gags if she wants to. I hope she loves doing it, but I hope she doesn’t like…. the dirty sanchez.

Podcasts, vomit and other smelly things

Me @ In the Flesh. Photo courtesy of Brian Van

My lastest podcast is up here - actually my last five podcasts (the ones not on my press page) are up here too. The last one is me reading the two stories that I read at In the Flesh last week. Unfortunately they aren’t read with the same exuberance and enthusiasm that I had last Wednesday night, but that’s because I read them basically to my cat and my kitchen table early this morning (I know, no excuse). The first story was apparently more depressing than I wanted it to be, but my story on sploshing was met with lots of laughs. Like I said, you won’t hear them here - the laughs that is, but that’s because this is a remake of the original evening. This is a “just in case you couldn’t be there” sort of moment.

I was kind of obsessed this weekend with a story (and follow up article) from the NY Times. It’s the one about the three month old baby who died in her mother’s bucket of vomit (and water and cleaning fluid). Yeah, she apparently fell off of her drunk mother’s stomach while sleeping and landed head down in the bucket. It’s so strange it almost sounds like it can’t be true. But it is. Here’s a snippet:

Published: September 22, 2021
A Harlem mother was arrested yesterday after her 3-month-old daughter accidentally drowned in a bucket of the mother

Another sex survey

The other picture (notice the text, and yeah, my new masthead)

I realize I haven’t told you guys about my experience doing voice overs for a talking vibe. Will get that story to you soon…Plus I’m going to start doing sex toy reviews next week and every week thereafter…but now…

Here’s a duh, from the Australian Study of Health and Relationships published in the latest Journal of Sex Research:

“Women who have sex with other women or do more than just have straightforward intercourse are more likely to have orgasms, an Australian study has definitively proved.”

Okay, women who have sex with other women, or have sex in more than just the missionary or doggie style position are more likely to have an orgasm, because they’re more likely to be interested in pursuing their own orgasm. I don’t know of any study that needed to deduce that. If a woman is more sexually expressive she’s likely to want to orgasm. If a woman likes to get her partner, who happens to be another woman, off then she’s going to know a thing or two about her own orgasms as well. I can’t say all studies are silly, but sometimes what studies say are sillly.

“The latest findings from the nation’s largest sexuality survey unveiled on Monday shed new light on the relationship between what lovers do in the sack and whether they experience orgasm.”

(Spoken like a dude who’s inhaling a joint). Wow. That’s totally novel and mindblowing information, man. Yeah, thanks for sharing.

“The sex snapshot, based on interviews with more than 19,000 people, shows that standard intercourse is by far the most common sexual practice.”

Anything standard would be pretty by-the-book and common, no? If it weren’t would it be called standard? From; Standard: an object that is regarded as the usual or most common size or form of its kind.

That’s what I’m talking about.

“About 95 per cent of those interviewed engaged in the act in their last sexual encounter, while 75 per cent also had some kind of “manual stimulation”.”

I assume the act means sex. I think after a certain age couples, most often, engage in “the act” when they “get busy.” “Manual stimulation” = foreplay, no?

“One quarter had received oral sex and only one per cent had anal sex.”

The numbers seem low, but then again I’m not average.

“The study shows that 31.1 per cent of women having heterosexual sex in their last encounter did not have an orgasm, compared to 24 per cent of those involved in lesbian sex.”

Perhaps this is because only 30% of women orgasm from penetration alone, and unless their partner gets them off with his or her hands or mouth before, during or after sex, or unless she’s comfortable with taking care of her own business, then maybe, just maybe nobody’s paying attention to her orgasm. And besides, sex isn’t always about getting off. It’s about feeling good and having fun. That doesn’t have to translate to orgasm.

“Only 5.2 per cent of men did not orgasm.”


“The researchers, from Melbourne’s La Trobe University and the Universities of Sydney and NSW, said they were surprised at the “extreme discrepancies” between men and women.”

Oh, c’mon. How? Why?

“One explanation, says co-author Chris Rissel, is the heavy concentration on intercourse - more “effective” for men - as the “central, almost compulsory sexual practice” for heterosexuals.”

Right on Chris Rissel. So, what do we do with this information? I guess start or continue having less straightforward sex and more…what’s the opposite of straightforward?

What are you doing tomorrow night?

I think this is going to be lots of fun. Of course, I’m biased.

302 BROOME STREET, NYC (B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey, )

Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676

Hear your favorite sex columnists tell all

Getting Over the Hump

No..the keyboard isn’t back to regular working order.

I’m getting over the hump and getting back into my real world life. The life that involves work and deadlines and creation. The one that involves getting with it so that I can take over the world in my own Pinky and the Brain sort of way.

I’m teaching a sort of new class tomorrow night. Meeting my potential other-next-project on Tuesday. Reading at a hot erotic series on Wed.

And I’m coming out of my depression. The one that makes me hate living in New York even though at times I love living here so much. The one that makes me loathe small apartments and high rents and high rises and pollution of the sound and smell kind. But I’m getting back into routine (a word I used to hate so much), going to the gym, working my ass off - that kind of thing.

I’ve been vague about what’s going on because I’m a firm believer in the “until it happens it hasn’t happened” philosophy, but I now know things are happening. Not just for me, but for my friends, and friends of friends I’ve never met.

So just know that this next year, 2007, it’s all about us. You might not know us now, but you’ll know us soon.

promises. promises.

The day my spacebar died

And it’s probably all my fault. This got a little long in the end, so excuse my lack of creativity at times.

(sung to the tune of American Pie)

Not so very long ago…
I can still remember when
my spaces used to come with ease.
And I thought that the day would last,
Only now it’s gone, so fast,
All because I cleaned the keyboard - please.

I removed the spacebar button
Cleaned it better than some clean mutton.
It wouldn’t go back easy;
Now I feel queasy.

I can

Bad jelly rubber, bad

From Making Waves

How safe are sex toys? - Greenpeace comes down hard on dangerous dildos (their headline, not mine).

When I worked at Babeland we talked about this shit all the time. Everything in bold is sort of lifted, or quoted, from the link above.

This is from some Dutch paper. Apparently the sex conscious Dutch have found high levels of bad-for-you phthalates in sex toys sold in the Netherlands. Seven out of eight sex toys sampled, including dildos and vibrators, contained phthalates in concentrations varying from 24 to 51 percent!

What are phthalates? They’re chemicals used to make plastic soft. Apparently, they also mimic human hormones and can damage reproduction, cause liver and kidney defects, and upset the body’s ability to regulate hormone production. There is some evidence they cause cancer.

In 2005 the EU banned the use of the phthalate DEHP in children’s toys because of its damaging effect on young children. One of the issues there was that many toys spend a lot of time in the mouths of children, accelerating the leaching of chemicals and their uptake in the bloodstream.

Independent testing revealed that seven out of eight sex toys, including dildos and vibrators, contained phthalates in concentrations varying from 24 to 51 percent. According to Greenpeace Toxic campaigner Bart van Opzeeland, these are among the highest concentrations found in anything he’s tested over the last few years. And think of where these objects go.

I’ve never been a fan of jelly rubber. Personally - don’t like how it feels. Plus don’t like what it can do to you. If you’ve got a soft rubber vibrator, I suggest you switch to silicone or hard plastic. I think you should also smell your vibe. Jelly rubber smells bad, really bad, as in toxic bad. And if you didn’t know then what you do know now, it can be bad for you. Vewy vewy bad.

Masturbation good. Jelly Rubber Bad.

5 years today

I’m just another of the millions of people who happened to be in New York when the planes hit the World Trade Center. I was at the gym, on the treadmill, when the first plane flew smack dab into the north tower. I watched it on TV like lots of other people. I didn’t believe it when the weathergirl tried to convince the news anchor that it was a plane that had made such an impact. I couldn’t connect the outside world with the inside of my television screen until I looked out the window. Black smoke was drifting horizontally across the clear blue sky. It was even clearer than it is today, and it’s a pretty open sky here in New York right now. And then it was real. So real that I froze. I watched the TV screen, and then looked outside, and then second tower was hit. I watched the faces of other gym members as they began to cry, to worry about their relatives who happened to be at work already. I remember running home to see packed buses of people, barely able to make it down the streets, doing anything they could to mass exodus from downtown.

I watched the first tower fall on TV as well. I was lucky enough to be able to make a phone call, to call my father to let him know that I was alright. We watched together as the tower fell. I started to cry. I had to leave my apartment. I headed back out into the mass chaos of midtown and walked back to the gym. It was strange, but there I could find solace in the others who had stayed.

It was the first morning that I ever made a mental note about how perfect the sky looked. I don’t remember thinking about the sky any other time, and I don’t let myself think about it anymore. It was the most perfect blue sky, and then there was black. And the perfect blue sky wasn’t so perfect anymore.

I was reading an article by Lisa Belkin in yesterday’s NY Times. She was talking about what’s really changed since 9/11. Not about Bush or about war, but about what we, as people, have done to change our own lives since then. I’m generally amazed by how many people, people all over the world, felt genuinely affected by what happened here in New York. It’s part of the reason my boyfriend, who was living in Spain, came back to the states. He even found himself in New York for the first time not long after that. And he chose to work for the September 11th fund when he arrived.

I know how hard it can be to relate to something that doesn’t directly involve you. I still have a hard time understanding what it must have been like for those people on the planes, or the people in Oklahoma City, but for me - New York, 9/11 that was as real as it gets. So what have I done? I haven’t thought about that in a while. My motivation for doing hasn’t been focused on the events of 9/11, even though 9/11 is something I think about often. It is. I knew people in those towers. I could have been there. So many people I know could have or were there. It was, in a sense, part of my backyard and some bullies came in and made it theirs.

But I don’t know what I’ve done as a direct result of 9/11. I can’t answer that. I wish I could say I’ve helped do these tremendous deeds for people in need, but I haven’t gone above and beyond in extraordinary ways. Yeah, I donate things to needier people, and I do a lot of work for little money. I offer my services when and if I can, but I can’t say it’s because of what happened September 11, 2001. I just don’t know if any of my current motivation is a direct result of what happened five years ago today.

One thing is certain, I haven’t forgotten. I don’t think anyone can ever forget. I pass by Ground Zero quite often. I walk by the memorial wall at St. Vincent

Sex A-Z

colorado_drive_burningman06 103.jpg Me and Dickman. In the desert.

Thought about this while waking up this morning.

A - Z: A short list of sexual flavors

A nal Sex: Yeah it’s not for everyone, but for anyone who wants to try it, go ahead. Get warmed up first; don’t just stick something up your butt. You can try a butt plug or a finger, but first gently massage outside the anus. And use lube. Lots of lube.

B lowjobs: Technically it’s called fellatio, and there’s no blowing involved. The most basic technique involves your hand and your mouth, acting as one unit.

C unnilingus: Eating pussy or muff diving, those are my two favorite other ways to describe it. Go down on her before you get yourself off so that she’s more likely to have an orgasm. Cunnilingus isn’t only about tongue, it’s actually a lot about the rest of your face too (esp. mouth and nose). Get comfortable. It can take a woman on average 20 minutes to orgasm.

D oggie Style: It’s a great way to penetrate deeper. It can also make a guy come rather quickly. A good finishing touch for sex.

E ye contact: Totally important to make this happen while having sex. You want to be there with and for your partner, so show them that you’re there by connecting with them on more than one level. Eye contact helps to ensure that you are in the moment, and enjoying what you’re doing.

F logging: One form of touch or impact play, mainly associated with BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism). This involves a flogger, or what others might call a cat-o-nine-tails. It’s basically a long whip with a large number of leather, suede or rubber bits that look like what you might see when you go through a drive-in car wash. There’s an art to flogging, so before you do it, make sure you know the places to strike and not to strike. Flogging can feel like a massage, or it can hurt a bit more than that.

G agging: It’s okay to do it, in fact it’s a natural reaction your body has when something is trying to get lodged down your throat. Thank your body for protecting you, and then, if you want to learn to stop gagging so much, take your toothbrush and brush a little farther back on your tongue every day. But he will think it’s sexy if you gag, cause that makes him think his dick is too big for your mouth.

H arnesses: Looking for Strap on Sex so that you can penetrate your partner in the ass? Or maybe you’re a woman who wants to fuck another woman in the pussy? Perhaps you want a second dick? Harnesses can help you have fun in more ways than one. They come in one strap or two, and in lots of different materials. Find one that’s right for you. Oh, and rent Bend Over Boyfriend for a good instructional video on getting some action.

I n and Out: That’s basically what happens when you’re having penetrative sex. Of course you can also go up and down.

J acking off: For women it’s sometimes referred to as jilling off, but whatever you call it, masturbation is good, healthy fun. Plus it’s nice to get to know your body.

K issing: An important part of foreplay and connection. Don’t use teeth, unless we ask, and don’t always stick your tongue down our throat. Learn the art of good kissing, and we’ll melt for you every time (well, if we’re into the kissing thing).

L ubrication: So important for good sex. Keep a water based or silicone based lube by your night table at all times, or anywhere that you may have sex. My favorite is Pink.

M utual Masturbation: A great way to find out the different strokes that work for your man or woman. Watch each other masturbate. Get off. Then get off again together.

N ipple Clamps: Looking for some added nipple sensation. These babies will do the trick. They hurt both going on, and coming off.

O rgasms: We all want them because they feel good and help release pent up energy in our body. But they don’t have to be the focus of every sexual encounter.

P rotection: Yeah, that’s right; we need to make sure we’re protected. Latex condoms work really well if used correctly. If you’re allergic to latex try a polyurethane condom or the Reality female condom. It’s great for both vaginal and anal sex.

Q ueefing: Pussy farts. It’s all about the position your in and the amount of air escaping from the vagina. They sound funny so laugh. Plus they don’t smell bad.

R everse Cowgirl: A sexy position where she’s on top with her back and butt facing you as she fucks you good. You don’t need to be an actual cowboy to enjoy this position.

S TI’s: Sexually transmitted infections (not diseases). These can be viral or bacterial and some, like HPV, are transmitted through skin to skin contact. If you’re sexually active it’s best to be aware of these infections, know your risks and get checked regularly.

T ea bagging: Sucking on his balls. Dunking one in your mouth and then the other. Or try two at a time.

U ndergarments: It may not be that big a deal for you, but it can really turn your partner on. Throw away those granny panties or tidy whities and buy yourself a nice, new, revealing pair of underwear.
V ocabulary: Flattery will get you everywhere. Learn a little dirty talk and you’re sex life can go a lot of new places. Tell your lover what your favorite body part is, or describe a sexual fantasy. Send a racy email. Increase your sexual vocabulary.

W eb cams: Can

© Copyright Jamye Waxman M.Ed.