It’s happening.

Me and my loverboy.

First of all, I am fine. I just want to say that because I know people care. I wasn’t writing about being average as a bad thing, in fact I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all. It’s just that as a sex educator, I think that the perception of a lot of non sex educator types of people is that you are this voracious, insatiable, sexual maniac who does everything bigger and better than your regular Joe. I guess I just thought I was confessing to being regular. Not unhappy or unfulfilled, even though I would really like to shoot darts out of my coochie and hit a bullseye every time. I was just saying that I’m normal (at least in some ways and I’m sure that people who know me would beg to differ.)

I think I’ve been really stressed lately, and that I’ll be happier after tomorrow because we (really meaning I) have to stop buying stuff for our apartment. I think the wasting of money and the collection of shit has been hard on both me and J. After tomorrow, which is March 1st, a good day to really start over, at least that’s what I’ve decided, I’m going to stop buying anything that isn’t essential. It will be a challenge. I may even start keeping track of what it is I buy.. I guess it means I won’t be buying any of this (NSFW).

I’m not really sure why anyone would buy it, but apparently I guess it’s because “man” is wildly seduced by the smell of vulva. Just apply it to the back of your hand and sniff. Like perfume. Or cologne. Only it’s the delightful scent of vulva in a bottle. I may have to get me a sniff. I mean, aren’t you curious?


Last week, an South Dakota legislature passed a law outlawing virtually all abortions, even in cases of rape or incest. South Dakota’s anti-choice governor may sign the bill into law this week, setting off a chain of events that could take this issue directly to the U.S. Supreme Court.

This is only the beginning.

You might believe it doesn’t affect you or that you’re too old to care about having an abortion, or you might be a man, and therefore it’s a procedure that (at least for now) is impossible for you to ever undergo. But that doesn’t matter. This is about THEM telling YOU what you can and cannot do with your own body. This is all about you, because this is about your FREEDOM of choice being denied you. Life should be about the FREEDOM to make our own decisions about our body and our beliefs. Because you should be the only person who has control over your body and your rights (of course there are extreme exceptions here). This is about our right to decide what we want to do to our bodies. And this isn’t only about abortion.

This kind of stuff makes me sick. To be honest, I probably wouldn’t choose to have an abortion if I were to get pregnant now (unless I knew something was terribly wrong with the fetus.) After going through a biology course in my masters program, I don’t think it’s something I could or would want to put my body through. Fortunately, I haven’t been faced with making that choice, but I have made plenty of other choices that affect and impact the rest of my time on this Earth. And I want the FREEDOM to continue to choose. This shouldn’t be an “issue.” It shouldn’t be a debate about what a woman chooses to do with her body. It shouldn’t be the government’s concern. Why are they so anti-choice? So that eventually, without the exsitence of abortion (okay, it will never happen but some do dream), they can have a mammoth military that is ready to fight more wars that should never have been started? Or so back alley is once again chic*? What’s the government really trying to do here?

I mean, doesn’t the government have bigger fish to fry at this point? Shouldn’t they be concerned with the millions of lives in jeopardy because of their war? Shouldn’t they be trying to save some of the lives that already exist on this planet?

It doesn’t make sense. Not at all. Not to me.

*this is not the good kind of chic

Not for the Faint of Heart

Me. Not sad. Just dramatic.

Well, before I get there, please go check out my interview with sex educator, tantrika, spiritual explorer and all around amazing woman Barbara Carrellas. It’s up now on And I must say, it was one of the most enlightening conversations I’ve ever had about sex.

Now, I’ve been a very bad, bad girl. Neglecting certain things while spending way too much time thinking about other things instead. I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve typed words on this page. Maybe not long for most people, but when you have OCD (like I do) a few days might as well be a few months.

So, today, I’ve decided to confess something more. That’s all I’m going to do. And this blog isn’t for the faint at heart. *I’m serious..this is totally too much information about my sexuality *that’s a clause for parents and other blood relations who might not want to read sexual content about their daughter/sister/cousin/neice and I don’t want to be responsible for how you might feel about me after you read my thoughts, so turn away now if you might even care a little bit too much.

Okay. That’s all the warning I give.

In bed this morning I came to this conclusion:

I’m totally average when it comes to sex. It takes me about twenty minutes to orgasm. I need clitoral stimulation more than I need vaginal penetration, and rarely do I orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. I like vibrators. Except for the occasional squirt, there’s nothing exceptional about me sexually. And while I know that’s good and plenty, I’m still wishing I could do something more with my vagina. Like shoot ping pong balls out of it. I’ve always envied woman who can do that.

I know how to strengthen my muscles. I know how to do kegel exercises. And I do them, and yet I’ve never been able to shoot anything out of my pussy. It’s not that I don’t love my vulva, because I do, it’s just that I don’t have one of those pussies that sings or dances or performs circus tricks. And sometimes, as a sex educator, I wish I did.

Confession over.

Freedom of Expression

As President of Feminists for Free Expression, I try to stay on top of what’s going on in the news. I can’t say that this is always easy for me, because as a sex educator, I tend to focus on what’s going on in terms of sex, but I know the importance of this other knowledge as well. So, I’d just like to point out a couple of things happening in the world around us, that have to do with our freedom of expression. Some of this is scary, and not in that “boo” sort of way. But most of us aren’t even aware it’s going on. This is all about the freedom of expression that we think we have, but don’t necessarily have the right to really use, not only in this country, but in the world.

*All clips are excerpted from original articles
February 23, 2021 — The Federal Communications Commission plans sanctions against Fox, CBS and NBC television stations or affiliates for violating decency standards, signaling a renewed effort by the Bush administration to crack down on broadcasters, people familiar with the matter said. The rulings, which may come as early as this week, will be the first under FCC Chairman Kevin Martin and will add the common expletive for excrement to words that cannot be said on the air in almost any context, said four FCC officials who asked not to be identified.
PHILADELPHIA, February 22, 2021-The global controversy over cartoons depicting the prophet Mohammed has now struck American college campuses. In response, the Foundation for Individual Rights in Education (FIRE) issued a statement today reminding colleges and universities that free speech needs protection now-in the face of ongoing controversy-more than ever.
NEW YORK — Sen. Jeff Bingaman (D-N.M.) has asked Veterans Affairs Secretary James Nicholson for a thorough inquiry of his agency’s investigation into whether a V.A. nurse’s letter to the editor criticizing the Bush administration amounted to “sedition.” Merely opposing government policies and expressing a desire to change course “does not provide reason to believe that a person is involved in illegal subversive activity,” he said. Bingaman said such investigations raise “a very real possibility of chilling legitimate political speech.” Laura Berg, a clinical nurse specialist for 15 years, wrote a letter in September to a weekly Albuquerque newspaper criticizing how the administration handled Hurricane Katrina and the Iraq War. She urged people to “act forcefully” by bringing criminal charges against top administration officials, including the president, to remove them from power because they played games of “vicious deceit.” She added: “This country needs to get out of Iraq now and return to our original vision and priorities of caring for land and people and resources rather than killing for oil….Otherwise, many more of us will be facing living hell in these times.”
Also, check out the new FFE page. Please submit something about how the first amendment impacts your life. We’re going to post your stories on our site, and maybe even publish them somewhere!

I’ll get back to my regulary posted sex talk and blather tomorrow…but for now, just think about it. Your freedom of expression, is it really yours to express?

A lot of little things

blue_vday06_candiceshootlocaletc 007.jpg
Blue. Working it in green.

This cold has been lingering inside of me for over a week, and this morning it decided to blossom, or bud, depending on which word you choose to use. I love using the term “budding” every once in a while because it reminds me of my pediatric doctor who upon reaching my teens explained to me that my breasts would eventually bud. I couldn’t stop thinking of having flower bud nipples, I usually thought they looked like little rosebuds, and it’s a visual that every so often haunts my imagination.

It’s been a weekend of activity. J. celebrated his 31st birthday on Sunday, yes, I’m the “older woman” in the relationship, and we went to see Brokeback Mountain. Quick review: Liked it a lot, but don’t think there’s a rush to see it on the big screen, unless of course you want to see lots of pretty mountains on a large movie screen. I’m not totally down with the hype about it being a gay cowboy love story, because even though it’s obvious that the characters have deep, unexplainable feelings for each other, they also screw women. This makes them bisexual, not gay, but that’s too hard for a lot of people to digest. I’m not going to rant on right now, because I did so this morning, when I recorded my 12th Playgirl’s Sexpod.

Then yesterday it was time to party like a man - and no, I have no idea what that means but I hadn’t been to an east coast bar mitzvah since I think my sister was bat mitzvahed in 1992 (bar is for boys, bat is for girls). My how they’ve changed. If you’re parents are willing to spend some major bling bling, you’re affair will be full of bling bling. As this one was. And after a few vodka soda waters, my preferred drink of choice, I think I’m sick, as in I have a head cold, this afternoon. It was a bar(t) mitzvah (his theme was “The Simpsons,” because yes, bar mitzvah’s often have themes - mine was monopoly), and that’s why today I’m not planning on really leaving the house. But that’s neither here nor there - a phrase I just felt in the mood to throw out.

Moving right along…a friend sent me this article recently, and I must say that I think I’m in love with Larry Flynt. Looks can only get you so far, and no, he doesn’t have those, but as far as brains and balls go, he’s definitely packing.

From the Salt Lake Tribune:

WASHINGTON - The porn magazine arrives every month at your congressman’s office. Tucked in a conservative-looking manila envelope, the latest edition of Hustler goes to all 535 members of Congress. Free of charge. Not that most members want it. It usually gets thrown in the circular file marked

Virginity Matters

blue_vday06_candiceshootlocaletc 024.jpg

How important is losing your virginity?

Yes…I’m still on this topic…


Too much thinking on Vday

For those who believe…

I find it ironic that while I really, truly don’t give a heap of roses about today, I’m truly bummed that my boyfriend is sick, and for this alone I feel like I have to explore my own truths about “feelings” a bit further.

If we say we don’t care about Valentines Day, does that mean we care, because I mean, we’re already thinking about it by talking about it at all, wouldn’t you agree?

If we say it’s no big deal, but then we have to cancel our plans, and while we totally understand and aren’t angry or upset even, but we feel a little disappointed about the whole thing, does that mean that it is a big deal?

If we come home later on to find out that our boyfriend is giving us the option of going out tonight (with him) or staying in (with him) and we choose going out, and that means we’re getting what we initially wanted, even though we just bought salmon and could cook a meal at home instead, does that mean we care any less about him?

Or maybe I should just shut up, and stop thinking. After all, Valentines Day is just (for me) and excuse to excuse myself from all this nonsense, all this stuff we focus on when it comes to relationships and love, and just to love in the moment…and as he walks out of the shower naked, that’s just what I intend to do.

Older Virgins

I’m a bit late in the game, but I just rented and watched The 40 Year Old Virgin. Having heard that this movie was hysterical, and that it was one of the best movies of the year, I didn’t think I could go wrong. We were about to rent A Dirty Shame, the John Waters movie that I’ve heard was actually hilarious, but when we got up to the counter and I saw the box for The 40 Year Old Virgin, I quickly changed my mind. Of course it helped that the clerk told me and my very hesitant boyfriend that the AFI (which I assume is the American Film Institute) voted it one of the top 10 movies of the year. J. was still apprehensive. I convinced him that we could rent this, and then next time we watched a movie we’d rent High Noon with Gary Cooper and Grace Kelly (which had been his choice for the evening). Although hesitant, he finally agreed. That made me as happy as a 40 year old virgin about to get laid.

Just a few weeks before watching the movie I got a call from an old friend. John Doe is almost 40, a smart, sweet and sensitive guy and he also happens to still be a virgin. He had been affected by the movie and called me to vent about his feelings. I figured he knew more about this than I did, since he had more experience being a virgin, or less experience in some ways, and that before I could engage in dialogue, I needed to see the movie. My sister loved “The Virgin,” my friend A. loved it too, and basically everbody I knew who had seen the movie (everyone but John Doe) ranted and raved about the damn thing, so I was sure I’d jump on the bandwagon soon enough.

But I’m not going to be joining the gravy train. I didn’t love it. Not at all. Yeah, there were funny parts, although both J. and I agreed that the best part was so trivial, it was when the 40 year old virgin was drunk at the end of the movie and he stood up to talk to his friend, and it was this weird way of getting up, that was funny and probably the most memorable five seconds for both of us. There was an extra 17 minutes not seen in the theaters, and this extra footage made the movie quite long, actually too long, and the joke got old after a while. And I don’t think that most 40 year old virgins have a really easy time meeting women, not the way this one did. He was good looking, and nice, charming and funny, and most men who don’t have sex, but might want to, by the time they are 40 are often more awkward in appearance and demeanor.

But maybe I’m wrong. I only know one almost-40 year old virgin, which still might be more 40 year old virgins than most people know. It’s not a bad thing that he is how he is (my friend John Doe), but he’s strange, and seems even older than he is, even though he’s not that old, and his dress is a bit antiquated in style, and he lives in a strange space, but still, he’s a really good guy, although he knows that I think that sometimes he looks like a serial killer. Regardless of the reasons John Doe can’t get laid, they aren’t the same reasons that the 40 year old virgin didn’t. In fact, the 40 year old virgin still had experience, something I’m not sure that my friend John Doe has at all. And I still want to hire a pro for John Doe who I think needs to get laid, but I’m afraid this movie might have made him feel worse about things. I’m not sure. We haven’t talked since I’ve seen the movie, so now it’s time to find out.

I remember when I was still a virgin, back in the day, and I was always afraid that I wouldn’t get to experience sex in this lifetime. And now, looking back, I think that while I’m still glad I’ve had the experiences I’ve had, I don’t think that being a virgin is the worst thing in the world. There are lots of worse things one can be, even if there are lots of better movies that one can watch.

Swap Update

Let it snow. Let it snow. Let it snow. Here in New York, it finally feels like winter.

And that means…

Mother nature has made her intentions for this day very clear, and isint she beautiful?! The Swap-O-Rama-Rama is postponed.

There will be an announcement in the next few days that will provide a new date for SWAP-O-RAMA-RAMA. It will likely be in the next 10 days. So hang on to those clothes and all your creative energy, we’ll get this show back on the road shortly and look forward to seeing you soon.

Now, since a portion of people will be around today, or even if you see this for the first time this week, if you want to read something both sad and scary about the state of affairs in this here United States…click here.

This past November at a high shool in Fultom, MO: Apparently, a small town was offended by a high-school-watered-down-version of the musical Grease. The drama teacher responsible for producing the show made sure to take out references of drug use, and other possible “offensive content” and told people that this material was not suitable for young children, even though I say, it’s Grease..for goddess sake, an American musical, and everyone should be able to watch it.

I mean c’mon, how much did Grease make you yearn to be in high school, and then, as a product of the late 80s and early 90s, or as a product of high school anytime after Grease came out, how much did it suck when you realized that nobody in your class had matching leather jackets and cool cliques? (even though I hate cliques, I don’t like how they make certain people unacceptable or feel less than, partially because they made me feel bad about myself because I was never really accepted into one. Actually there were four of us who hung out, Monica, Pam, Sara and me, and we spent a lot of time together. But we were never really a clique, and everything changed in college….)

Censorship is happening all over the place, over little things that should not be that big of a deal. I’m afraid it’s not going to get better. Not anytime soon. How’s that for optimism?

And..speaking of happy. I’m mentioned in Regina Lynn’s Sex Drive piece on Wired.


If you like community and you want some new clothes…check this out:

Swap-O-Rama-Rama is this Sunday:

In keeping with the artwork on the Swap-O-Rama-Rama winter flyer the snowflakes will be joining us. Any x-raver will tell you that an event is only as good as the obstacles to get there. Luckily we’re two short blocks from the L train (there are no L line closings this weekend) and the snow is expected to behind us by Sunday morning. So please know the swap is on!!! Rain, snow or alien abduction, clothing will be exchanged, modified, transformed and you might be too. Don’t forget that while we swap and modify clothing we’re also transforming ourselves from consumers to creators. Anyone can stroll into the gap and put on the costume of the masses. The only thing the industry forgot to put on their labels is “this is your uniform, you are now a drone.” Not so for the maker! Bust out, be independent. Don’t be branded and divided into socioeconomic stalls that reflect the size of your wallet rather than the expanse of your creativity. You can do better. At Swap-O-Rama-Rama you will learn all you need to know to resist the silly tactics of big biz: sew, stitch, rip, zip, puncture, staple, embroidery, glue, iron, paint, solder, design. . . do it yourself!

A quick review of what to bring
What to bring: jackets, wallets, hats, pants, shirts, skirts, shoes, gloves, belts, accessories (wearable), jewelry, sunglasses, bags, costumes, lingere, pjs etc. Only clothes please!

What not to bring: books, bikes, vases, lamps, your hamster, furniture, statues, dolls, stuffed animals etc.
If you cant wear it, dont bring it!

* Quantity is not important. Come with a little or a lot, whatever you got.

Sunday February 12, 2021 - 2pm to 7pm
$10 and a bag of your unwanted clothes
all workshop and DIY materials are provided

Galapagos Art Space
70 North 6th (btw Wythe & Kent), Brooklyn NY
L train to Bedford, two blocks

It’s all about timing


(hope I got your attention)

I’m going to be LIVE on the Radio Chick‘s show on the former 92.3 KRock, old home of Howard Stern, and new home of 92.3 Free FM, and yes, David Lee Roth.

Call in at 866-313-FREE and maybe we’ll get to chat on air.

And my next Relationshifts blog is up at Souldish:

Is timing everything or is it no big deal at all? Is it intentional or totally coincidental? Is timing the catalyst for beginnings and the facilitator of ends?

And, I had a great night at the Museum of Sex hosted by the Sinclair Insititute (they make the better sex video series). I got to chat it up with America’s top sex therapists and educators, and media too! I’m going to check out the Sinclair Insititute’s new line of sexploration videos, featuring twelve ‘attractive’ couples (hey, this is what the box says). I’ll let you know if they’re worth it, the videos, not the couples. We get a DVD player tomorrow, and I think J. and I might have to stay home tomorrow night and play with it. Yeah!!!

© Copyright Jamye Waxman M.Ed.