February 09, 2021

"Almost" Last Minute Valentine's Gifts (for those who care)

I have to say I totally don't give a flying seal on roller skates about Valentines Day (whatever a flying seal on roller skates might look like, I'm thinking pretty uncomfortable at least thats' my guess) but it is almost here, and if you are into giving a little something something on the one day a year that you shouldn't show extra affection just because Hallmark told you too, well then here are some last minute ways to get laid sucker! Well, possibly laid. I can't guarantee anything, but these type of things, they sometimes do help.

1. A Romantic CD. These aren't just any run-of-the-mill romantic CD's full of mood music and violins. In fact, they're quite the opposite. If you're looking for something to turn your ears on, check out Sounds Erotic. I must confess that I do love the husband and wife team who created this company because they are totally passionate about what they're doing, are all about making a quality product, and they have the cutest kids.

Okay, back to the CD's, they're like reading erotica, only someone else is reading it to you. Remember bedtime stories when you were a wee one? Bingo. That's what these are, only dirtier. There's a couple of versions. Sugar is the tamest, then Spice adds a little more zing, then Spank! for you naughty, naughty boys and girls.

Plus, if you enter this coupon code: Valentine2007 you get a free CD with your purchase. If you're still weary, you can always download a sample for $1.99.

2. If you've got money to burn, and I mean literally burn (as in light a match and then scream fire! fire!), then buy your sweetie the Je Joue. It's a vibrator that really feels like a tongue as long as you add a little lube to the clit beforehand. Seriously, I'm afraid to use it too much for fear of falling in love with the thing okay, not really, and that's probably a bad selling point on Valentines day especially if you're part of a couple - but still it's the coolest vibe on the planet, cause it sort of has a brain. I mean you can program it to do what you want - as long as it's one of its functions, by using it's pleasure software (that means no breakfast in bed). It reminds me of that robot on the Jetsons. Well, okay not totally like Rosie, I mean it won't do everything for you, but with it's pleasureware system it dances around her clit like a fiend.

3. Aneros for him. I've said it before and I'll say it again. This is the one toy that he'll let you put up his bum, as long as he's okay with trying something up his butt. It's designed for his prostate, and even though they made it in white (poor choice in my opinion) it's worth it's weight in plastic. He can use it on himself, or you can slide it on in him. Give him some backdoor action for a change. Besides, massaging his prostate is good for his health. If white won't do it for you, they are coming out with other colors but until they do check out these stainless steel beauties. I mean they could sell these at Tiffany's. Seriously cool and yes, cold, these will also help him find his prostate in no time flat. (And good for her G Spot too).

4. Get a little nookii going on. Nookii's this card game that you play with your partner, and then you like make out and stuff. Oh, and it gets a little dirtier than that too. If you like playing games, but not the kind of games that make you annoying, then check this one out.

5. Lastly, but not least by any means - pick up the March Issue of Women's Health Magazine, where I wrote the first annual Womens Health Sex Awards (p.124), and there you'll find lots of other suggestions for a sexy Valentines Day. Oh, and check me out, y'know you want to, cause my picture's on the contributors page!!! And that means if you don't have a Valentine (or even if you do) you can always wank off to my picture if nothing else. Of course that is if you do that sort of thing (wank to pictures I mean), and if you then you can find tons more pics to wank off to online. And that can be the way you spend your Valentines Day. Wanking off. It seems like the best idea so far. Man or woman, show yourself love on V Day. And if you've got a partner, masturbate mutually. How's that for a cheap date? I'm liking this idea more and more by the minute...but I like my other ideas too.

Posted by jamye at February 9, 2021 05:15 PM