August 02, 2021

Getting Lost ....

God damn IMDB TV. I know that's not nice of me to say, but seriously, I think I mean it. I don't watch much TV, part of the reason is because I can't sit still in front on the thing for very long, another part is that there's never anything good on, and still another part is that we only have five channels in the house (we got a TV to watch movies). But, thanks to the devoted viewership of some friends, we decided to check out the first season of Lost.

After episode four, Jonny wanted to stop. He said we could both stop now before we in to deep, but part of me was already hooked. I was too determined and intrigued and needed to continue watching what all the hype was about. So, we finally got through the entire first season Sunday night. We stayed up late two nights in a row to do it. The first night I was up til 3AM - not a good idea. Last night, watching all the behind the scenes footage, we were up til 1AM. I had dreams about the stickin' island, but I also had dreams about cockroaches (that's another story). It was my second night in a row dreaming about Lost.

So, this morning, after getting to know the cast in the two hours of behind the scenes footage, I decide to google this elf guy who I think was in Lord of the Rings (he is), and who plays Charlie in lost. Upon doing so, I learned too much. I learned about a cast member who dies in an episode entitled Live Together, Die Alone, in Season 2 (it's not out on DVD yet). I didn't know about it, and now I feel like I know the biggest secret from Season 2, and I'm just upset because IMDB (the internet movie database) didn't tell me it would put end dates next to the actors names, and it only did this for certain actors anyway. Regardless, it was an unpleasant surprise.

But not as unpleasant as the surprise I got Monday night. After a wonderfully beautiful energy work session from a friend, I was going to make dinner for him and Jonny. Only thing was when I opened one of the kitchen drawers, a drawer I didn't even need to open so I'm not sure why I did it, I found two dueling cockroaches in the sandwich bags.

Yes. Dueling Cockroaches. They were having a standoff inside of the box of bags. They were big. Not as big as the roach I saw on our window screen a few weeks before, but not those small types of roaches you could mistake for water bugs either. They had long antennae, at least an inch or two in length. And they knew, as soon as I opened the drawer, that they had been caught, but not captured.

My last apartment had lots of roaches. After a while I couldn't even go in the kitchen without knowing I'd see one, and then I started to react even before I ever did. This is the third and fourth roach I've seen in the new place and I'm not a fan of bugs. I don't want to worry about opening up a drawer, and finding a roach party. Ironically, one of the roaches escaped the plastic bag brawl, while the other ran past me. I tried to spray it with some seventh generation cleaning spray, but since it's natural or organic or whatever, I think it got away. The other one ended up in the silverware drawer, I guess it has a thing for drawers, and that's where I tried to kill it with bleach. It didn't die, and yeah, I know it's not a nice thing to do. It actually found it's way on to the wall, where the cat first and finally noticed it. Only now I couldn't let Blue get it, because if he did, he'd be eating bleach and odds are it wouldn't be a good thing. So, I got the roach to fall on the stove, on it's back, and that's when I turned on the flame. Only thing was it wouldn't go near the burner, in fact it was moving rather rapidly, on its back, away from the flame. Eventually it just stopped moving, and I assume it died. I then tried to push it toward the flame, only it fell in between the flame and the open space, and now, if it's dead it's living in that area of stove right under the burner. If it's alive I'm fairly certain that its somehow found its way out by now.

It was traumatic for me. Large roaches alone with me in my kitchen. It took a while for me to be able to do anything after that. I had a nice meal planned so I wanted to cook, but I was upset. Eventually Jonny helped me find the courage to cook.

And in my dreams that night, everywhere I went, there were roaches. They didn't touch me, but they knew where to find me. Jonny says it's symbolic that I saw the roaches right after my Reiki session. He says that maybe they signify something else. Maybe he's right, because roaches are potentially my demons. And maybe it was significant in the sense of me battling some demons right now. Not big ones, but demons nonetheless. And maybe this was a battle between two sides of my self, each roach representing what could become of me. I don't know, just like I don't know why the f--- I opened that drawer in the first place.

Regardless, we're getting roach traps. That's for sure.

Posted by jamye at August 2, 2021 12:17 PM