Lou Paget is a fantastic sex educator. I think I thought that before, but forgot about it for a while, and now I'm back to singing her praises. I'm doing a lot of advanced learning, or refreshing, on my sexual knowledge, since, over time, if I don't use it, I lose it, or at least forget about it for a long period of forever. She said something about faking it that made me feel bad about the things I wrote a few blogs back. Lou's right on this one. I can't say that I haven't faked it, but as a sex educator I wish sometimes I was more honest with myself in the bedroom. Because, yeah, sometimes I lie.
As a woman, if you fake it, a man downloads false information, and therefore he believes that whatever he's done to make you orgasm has actually be done, and that he should do it again and again. Now, if it didn't work for you the first time, then it's not going to work for you every other time either. And once he figures he's doing it right, he's going to keep doing it wrong, over and over. So, as a sex educator, and as a woman who's said there's nothing wrong with faking it every once in a while, I want to change my tune without sounding all wishy washy. It's okay to tell him not to worry about your orgasm, or that you can get yourself off. It's okay to admit that you're tired and ready for bed and that you love, or like him, anyway. It's okay to not orgasm, just as it's okay to pull out a vibrator in the middle of doing it, and come. But I guess it's not that okay to fake it. You won't burn in hell, or anything like that, but you won't be helping your sex life much either. And only you can be responsible for the kind of sex you have. So if you fake it, you're making a statement about your sexuality as well.
Okay, Okay, I know I've faked it in the past, and truthfully I don't regret it, because over time, I found ways to communicate with the longer term partners, and the shorter term ones, the ones who generally had to ask me "did you come?" often wound up being nothing too special, and we both moved on, and forgot about each other and the sex we had anyway. But now I'm feeling like I had a responsibility not to fake it. To sit there and teach him what I wanted every time. Perhaps yes, I did, but the truth is, I'm only human. And sometimes, especially when it comes to sex, I'm not as professional, at least when it's personal (meaning it involves me and my sex life). And we all have our shit to deal with. And I'm still learning how to deal with certain things that need dealing with.
I've never really call myself a sex expert, although yes, I can probably tell you more about sex than the average person. I'm more of a sexplorer, because expert is such a heavy burden to carry about a subject that we all can relate to. Sex isn't something you necessarily learn about, unless from experience, and then and only then, after trial and error, do you know what you know. I meet a lot of "sex experts" like myself, who are doctors, nurses, mothers, marketing directors, or waitresses. They've decided to experience a lot in their own sex lives, or talk to a lot of people about sex. And while maybe they've faked it on occasion too, maybe they've had the eggs to never lie. So, going forward, I plan on taking responsibility for my own sex life in a way that I haven't always been able to. And that's all I can do.
Posted by jamye at July 3, 2021 09:46 AM