June 13, 2021

Big Steps

A photo I took in Williamsburg. I think I'll call it "Le Voyeur"....

Something changed in me upon my return from Santa Fe. Actually, I don't think it was just something, I think it was more than one thing, and it's been a really strange physical tranisition back to New York. First it was how I feel about the boy that's more than a friend. While I want to keep that part of my personal life personal, let's just say that the way I felt about him before I left, and the way I feel about him now, are not completely different, only they sort of are. Now how I feel is so much better. More genuine. Purer. Ivory clean and fresh. Understanding. Things like that.

Turning to my career. I've taken certain steps to make more of an impact at one of my various places of employment. The other place, well, that's an even bigger decision that I'll be able to share more about tomorrow. At least I hope that I have more to share tomorrow.

And I'm taking steps to move out of the projay's. I can't stand coming home to a place with so much hostile energy. I know that might sound strange, but the truth is I'm very affected by other people's negative energy. I've always been affected, although this is something I'm just really learned to come to terms with. I'm torturing myself in this apt. I don't have AC or a fan and it's been disgustingly humid here on the good ole ninth floor of my building. Even if I'm giving up an amazing view, I want more of a sense of community, and I'm not sure that Manhattan provides that for me anymore. Although I do have a community of roaches in my apt, but that's not the community I'm looking for. Seriously, I see at least 5 roaches a night now, and I've resorted to keeping a shoe in the kitchen just in case I get lucky enough to kill one. So, I might move off the island. But that's a story for when it actually happens. Lets just say I'm seriously looking.

Big changes. Big steps. That's because I ain't no baby anymore.

Posted by jamye at June 13, 2021 09:00 AM