May 23, 2021

Luxury Problem(s)

portland_day02 001.jpg More Oregon. It was just so damn pretty.

I know I'm such a hypochodriac that I won't even bother apologizing for these next few sentences. I'm having pains. A pain that's in my left chest, but not in my heart, sort of right under my boob. It comes and goes, and it's just like a focused sting when it's there. Then, on the bottom of my left foot, where I have a fairly big callous thanks to flat feet and a lack of orthoditics, I'm having a more intense stinging pain. I think that's from standing on them too long yesterday. Just wanted to put it out there.

Heavy Petting (the class) rocked last night. Not because the class itself necessarily rocked, although it wasn't bad, but because this was the first time that I actually taught a more formal class without much use for my notes. Before 8PM I was so sure that I'd be heavily relying on the pieces of paper that I had anxiously typed up the morning before. But instead, thanks to a day of heavy obsessing on the class, it went much smoother than I thought. There was one couple that knew too much and I don't think they got a lot out of the class, but, it was, after all, a basic class. At least that's how I taught it.

Anyway. Not all that important as it is now the past. The present. Getting back into routine is hard, especially when I have to break said routine next week, one more time. Not complaining, luxury problem.

And then there was this horoscope today:

If you sit there and wait for your luck to change, it may take weeks, months or even years - and then you'll be too old to enjoy it. It is not your circumstances that are the problem but your state of mind.

And I realize I am so disillusional at times. For no reason other than "because" -I think too hard or too much, or too many stupid thoughts. And in my head luxury problems are complicated. Because while you know that there's ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to complain about, when it's your life it's easy to find things gone amiss. Even if they really haven't. I'm really trying to be aware of this and change my attitude, but when you grow up a insecure hypochondriac, it takes time. That's all.

Posted by jamye at May 23, 2021 09:18 AM