December 21, 2021

Of all the 365 days of the year...

...Today is the shortest. At least in the Northern Hemisphere. In the Southern Hemisphere they're at the height of their summer. Well, the beginning of their "summer" but still those Southern hemispherian's are basking in the glow of some nice warm sun. I take comfort in knowing that tomorrow starts longer days, with each day growing progessively lighter, later, until we hit our peak, June 21st. But today, today it will get dark really early, although it won't be much of a noticeable difference from yesterday. Yesterday it got dark pretty early. Tomorrow, I suspect tomorrow will be more of the same.

While those in the SH (southern hemisphere) are surrounded by sun, and in the NH (northern hemisphere) by darkness, I sit surrounded by piles of clothing and chinese food. Not piles of Chinese food, just some hot and sour soup and broccoli with garlic sauce. I'm eating dinner in a few hours, as still I try to finish lunch. Food is the last thing on my mind, but the first thing in my mouth right now.

I am trying to pack through January 11th. January 11th is the night that I get back into NYC after leaving this city on the 30th of the month that celebrates the shortest day of the year and the official beginning of winter (which is also today btw). I have two small suitcases, both of the carry on size, sitting at my feet, off to the corner of the bed where I type this (I love wireless internet), and now I must go through the bags and sort out between:

Stuff for the east coast and stuff for the west coast.

Even though I'm not leaving for a week and two days, I have to pack now. I don't know when else I can do it. I feel like I'm out of sync with the rest of this city, as everyone leaves town NOW, I stay, and upon the return of the people I care about, I leave. I'm leaving for what is beginning to feel like an eternity, and only today, after days of non stop travel, both in NY and in Vegas, do I realize that I'm about to....



I want to cry. One of those really good cries, complete with hard sobbing, the kind of cries that purge the skin and clean the soul. I want to cry, to throw a tantrum, to scream, I NEED A PLACE TO LIVE, although everybody already knows this, even if I didn't consciously realize it.

I was at a dinner gathering on Sunday night, with a friend, and when we left the party, all the party people said "good luck finding your apartment!" My friend turned to me and said, "Wow! This apartment thing is much bigger than you realize. Did you even know that you had talked to everyone in there about not having a place to live?" I hadn't realized how obsessed I'd become, but now I do. And now I find myself annoying. Of course that's nothing a good cry wouldn't take care of.

Still. I sit here dry-eyed, eating rice. How frustrating...

Posted by jamye at December 21, 2021 02:53 PM