Boys are not yucky and kink is way cool are two of the many things I talked about with fellow sex educator and sex-therapist-in-training, Jamila Dawson.  Jamila began educating about sex at age 9 and writing erotica around age 12, and still she remained a virgin until she was 23 (take that abstinence-only training)!

In this Hot Sox podcast (which somehow removed the podcast about everything to do with sex, the show and that will be back up shortly), Jamila talks honestly about penis size, being an African American woman in the field of sexuality, and why Black men don’t like sex toys. Plus, the poly tipping point, what goes on in a BDSM club - submissives own the show when it comes to domination, how she recently discovered she can be ordered to orgasm and her top toy picks!

Check out the toys we talk about:

Form 2. Form 4. Mimi.

This was a question from a friend in verbal form. I’ve decided to re-ask it in a non-verbal way.

Question: Where can people outside of major urban areas learn about naked bodies without it having to be about sex?

Answer: While I can think of looking in places like biology books or photo-art books, Playboy (but then I realized it is, for most, about sex), Our Bodies, Ourselves and other educational material of that caliber, the truth is, the question is a good one. Of course the number one place for naked bodies, sexual or non, would be the internet, but not everyone has the internet access that I do, and even then, when you search for non sexual nudes, there are a lot of non-nude pictures that show up. What are the reasons that nudity is still a fairly taboo topic and often directly linked to sex?

I’ve been thinking hard and long about this (of course I could always think harder and longer). At resorts where naked people are hanging about, being naked in clusters, you can find them doing regular activities as well as having sex in the pool or on beach chairs. Perhaps the sex part is because I happen to head to the naked resorts during what is affectionately dubbed swinging month (not because I’m a swinger, I’m not, but because I teach through a group where a lot of people are) and so I’m pretty sure I see more of the naked people having sex part than I would if I were just at a nude resort that catered towards families and other happy, naked people (Hedonism is an adults only resort). But your average nudist who likes to run around with their balls and breasts flopping, getting tan, playing cards, firing up the BBQ, not all of these people want to have sex with other naked people that aren’t the person they’ve been bonded to through some form of commitment ceremony. Some of them just like to be nude and enjoy the sun, air, breeze on their bodies. Yet, somehow, perhaps because sex education is where we’re taught about naked bodies, or perhaps because there is something about the human form that makes humans want to hump, it’s difficult to separate nudity from sex.

Of course, if it’s all about genital anatomy, Goofy Foot is your go to guide, and so is Scarleteen, but even there naked parts are referred to as sexual anatomy, meaning there’s still sex in the name. I get it, it is sexual anatomy, but still it’s difficult to comprehend, for some people who were taught that nudity = sex, that nudity doesn’t always equal sex.

There’s a National Geographic special on this topic. I haven’t seen it…yet.

This blogpost is coming late in the day, which is better than a day late (unless you’re talking about a period and you’re trying to get pregnant).

photo from a different night of sexy tales and other intimate acts via La Weekly

Last night at Sexy Tales there were many moving moments, but I’m not going to talk about most of them here. (Come to the next Sexy Tales and Other Intimate Acts on Tuesday, May 31st. 8PM, Bronson Bar), Mischa (twitter: myfriendjanice), read a story about finding faith in herself in order to be open to love. It’s a process she’s still going through and the writing was honest and wonderful. In the piece she read:

It’s easy for me to look a man in the eye and ask “Do you want me?” while I stroke his cock and press my breasts against his chest, but how the HELL am I supposed to ask it fully dressed and standing in line at Target?

If you’re in the kind of relationship that doesn’t feel like that, yay you! (written non-ironically) but if you are, well, there are a large number of people like that too. People who are hardened, checked out or emotionally stunted. It made me sad, because you’re not a bad person for being like that, but it’s way more difficult to be open to love! love! love!. Fear is joy paralyzed. That’s what Speed Levitch said, and I do believe. Still, it’s not an easy place to be.

I’m just saying.

For the next few months I’ll be posting under the category Hot Sex on Tuesday, as a way to promote Hot Sex, my newest book (coming out this October). This is an actual rotoscoped photo from the book, meaning it’s real people who look a little less real. Hot Sex was co-written with Emily Morse, of Sex with Emily fame.

And since tonight is Sexy Tales, an LA event I’ve created to bring sexy, silly and Burning Man together, and because the above picture reminds me that good sex can involve slowing down and being touched, whether by voice, hands, or an angel, today’s post is about stopping and thinking about how you can touch, or be touched, by someone you love now (including yourself), or someone you will love in the future.

I did an exercise in my Recycled Sex class last week at the Pleasure Chest. I asked, what is it that you love about your partner, of if you’re single, about yourself? Is it body parts, like breasts, as appreciated above? Or is it passion? drive? brains? use of vocabulary?

Whatever it is, take some time to write a list of five things that “touch” you about the person you love. And then, after you’ve thought and written five things you love about yourself and/or someone you love, find ways to do actions that let you appreciate, or feel appreciated. If you love your partners body, make a date to worship it, without receiving in return. If you love their passion, go skydiving or do something else adventurous and after, or during the adrenaline rush, find a way to say I love you longtime. Write a card to touch their heart. Hold a hand or give a hug and touch their soul (OMG, yes, I can be that cheesy and still feel good about myself). Use your hands and cup them over a vulva, like above, and use your fingers to touch around. Touch yourself while your partner touches you (see above picture again) and teach each other, or yourself, the ins and outs of touch.

As soon as we’re born, babies hunger for touch. It’s better not to spend your life denying that. So touch and be touched, unless of course it’s rubbing up to a stranger on the subway, or at a crosswalk. That’s just creepy.

In this week’s SLW, female sexual desire and the pill. Vibrators, on drugstore shelves near you and vegetarians may not chew meat, but they swallow more of it.

Me. So Last Week. Photo Credit: BYTZ

• Female Sexual Desire. It doesn’t come in pill form. (DailyMail)
• Vibrators make mainstream news. (NYT)
• How viagra can mess up your marriage. (MSNBC)
• A rather large and somewhat flawed internet study suggests we’re all sexual deviants and straight men prefer thicker women. (NYPost)
• Sex trafficking in the U.S. a “problem of epidemic proportion.” (WashingtonTimes)
• Demi Moore. Ashton Kutcher. The Sex Slave Trade and DNA. (CNN)
• The new anti-abortion math. (NYT)
• Maryland’s Professor of the Year believes in the transformative power of sex education. (WashingtonPost)
• Vegetarians like giving oral sex more. Women who don’t like exercise have a more difficult time orgasming. And even more interesting OKCupid research stats. (OKCupid)
• Have you heard the one about the boy who walks into class with high heels on? His classmates rally around his uncomfortable, yet sexy, shoe selection. (AZCentral)
• Lil B’s ‘I’m Gay’ album title isn’t making people happy. (HuffPost)
• Tracy Morgan gets sexually inappropriate with Michelle Obama comments. (DNA)
• Another woman’s breast has ruined mom’s life. (NYPost)

Photo taken from movie, 101 Positions for Lover
Photo credit: PaulieandPauline

Earth day suggestions:

Get Dirty. Hug a tree. Hump a human. Plant a seed. Muff Dive. Pay attention. Leave no trace. Stay aware. Love yourself. Love the earth. Make love to the earth, or book Annie Sprinkle and Beth Stephens to do it for you.

Happy Earth Day! I posted a picture for the occasion on my tumblr account.

Question: I’m looking for the perfect sex toy, but I have found anything made in the way I want. Do companies do custom orders?

MTP = Made to Pleasure

Answer: Absolutely, and it depends what you’re looking for. For doing it yourself, you can always clone-a-willy (and some of their kits come with vibration). However if you want it made for you, I’ve recently stumbled across Made to Pleasure (thx Regina Lynn), a site devoted to selling you a host of custom-made, quality sensual instruments in sexy materials. They are pricey (in pounds) and ship out of England, but they can be finished in acrylic, gold or silver. If you’ve got the itch for a custom fit, play around in their made to measure boutique and see what you can create.

If glass is what you’re looking for, while he doesn’t specialize in custom orders, if you contacted the man behind Simply Blown, you may be able to have it your way…for a price. He is a glass blower by trade, so it’s not out of the realm of possibility.

For sex machines, check out Ken’s Twisted Mind. If you dream it, the man says he can build it. I also found a site that does inexpensive custom made toys, but I can’t recommend them highly at all since the material they use is low quality. However, to be fair, and since you asked TSX-Toys with it’s disturbing array of products including a three-penis head anal toy and an unidentifiable vibrating pink mess known as the autorerotica, does make custom products allowing you to choose the color, design and even add your own label. They do say they’re phthalate free, which is nice, but I’m not sure I wouldn’t use a condom over these products.

Happy humping and hunting!

I have always been inspired by my dear college-friend, MaryBeth, and today is no different. That’s because together, with her loving partner, she has created a line of stone object d’art and sexe that make me clap my hands and say yeah. And while, full disclosure, I have not tried or touched them, the fact that stone dildos have been popular for centuries makes this sex product an easy sell. Plus, I trust her. And I know that stone cold, or hot, can be more fun than wrestling Steve Austin (get it? Stone Cold Steve Austin? is that a good one?).

The Ishtar

If you want to know more, check out their etsy store. It has three different stone dildos. They call it Ital Stone and describe it as “hand carved artisan soapstone for personal pleasure and sensual healing.”

For those who haven’t tried stone in your be-low holes before, here are some reasons why you can, and would, enjoy these hand-carved pieces of happy:

• Heat it or cool it. Ital Stone can go with the temperature flow for at least one 1/2 hour.
• Safe and sterile so share away! Boiling water sterilizes the stone, while organic oils will help it slide on in there.
• Created by parents for people with, and without, children. That means they thought about what having a baby can do to her vulva, and created these products so that women can once again find awareness and strength after childbirth.
• If you believe in magic…each of their pieces are cleansed with Himilayan Sea Salt and charged under the full moon.

Whatever the reason, if you’re looking to buy a nice toy for your body, or somebody else, don’t overlook romancing the stone.

There is no excuse (Coachella) for not getting this SLW up on Monday, but alas, it’s Tuesday and it’s time for sex news I know I missed. From gender selection to Sex and Zen, one thing is certain, thanks to Viagra and hormone replacement, seniors are the largest population contracting sexually transmitted infections. That, and, when it comes to Coldplay, the more you like the band, the less likely you are to get laid.

• In Central Florida, “the rates at which syphilis and chlamydia increased among older adults outpaced the nation’s average.” (LATimes)
• When it comes to sex selection, there’s a campaign against girls in India. (NYT)
• Lap dancing for extra credit. A reflection on business ethics. (ABC)
• Hong Kong’s Sex and Zen, billed as the world’s first 3-D soft porn movie, outsold Avatar on its opening day in the city. (iol)
• How protecting priests seems more important than protecting youth. A post on why Catholic priests should marry. (Time)
• Sex workers, murder, and false securities. (WakingVixen)
• Doctor tells patients to burn calories with orgasms, orgasms induced by him! (AOL)
• In relationships, men are more likely to say I love you first. (TheStar)
• Coldplay fans least likely to get sex on the first date. (Spinner)
• A fleshlight input device lets his penis control the computer. (Gizmodo via Fleshbot)

This week’s Hot Sox Podcast is up a day early (or 2.6 weeks late) and it has everything to do with sex, or at least the Everything to do with Sex Show. The show, which garnered popularity throughout Canada and is now heading south, hits Los Angeles next month. I’ll be teaching a lot of “Awesome Oral Sex” and “Sensual Seduction: The Fine Art of Foreplay” at the first U.S. expo, which is happening at the LA convention center May 20-22. Everything to do with sex focuses on education, entertainment and selling you the things that aid in sex, but not necessarily (or primarily) porn. Things like shoes, skin products, clothing and of course toys! The show, unlike the AEE show, takes the focus off porn and on pleasure based education and products for couples and singles.

I spoke with Mikey Singer, the Show Manager of the “consumer-concentrated” sex show, yesterday, in his hotel room overlooking downtown LA.  We discussed the show’s success, the dungeon, sensual education, Roxi DLite, the We-Vibe as best sex toy (Mikey likes it!) and more. Now you too can listen to the man behind everything to do with sex, and then see for yourself what all the buzz is about. Even Mikey’s mom comes to the show, and she likes it too (enough Life cereal references now).

Listen to the latest (and all) podcasts here.

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