It’s Wednesday, which means it’s time for “how to hump,” a weekly post on advice, ideas and techniques to keep your sex life pumping right along and this week I’m going food happy.

Just like on the Jewish New Year when those who celebrate the Jewish New Year eat apples and honey to celebrate a new, sweet year, today, I’m talking sweetness in the form of bananas and honey. Sure, a great sex toy can be just what we need to make swee love, but sometimes we need to save some money around the holidays and still find new ways to enjoy our sweetie.

I heart banana peels. As can be seen in this blog post, I have a kind-of fascination with the phallic banana and it’s lovely skin. Because I love eating bananas, and because I’m trying to find ways to be more green and stuff, I do, when I can, love using banana peel as masturbation sleeve. It’s only every so often that this routine works, but I’d like to add an addendum to my last ode to banana peels. Instead of keeping it all intact at one end, and wrapping his penis in it, and adding some lube when it starts to dry out, you can peel the sides into three, or four, separate bits and wrap one of them around the base of his penis while you use hands and mouth on the rest of him. Or you can use two sides of the peel on the sides of his shaft, or you can always get creative yourself. Truth is, banana peel makes penis taste like banana, and for some of us, that’s a good thing.

*Of course, bananas are good for eating because they are high in potassium, which keeps both your heart happy and your nervous system less nervous. If you want to know even more of the benefits of consuming said ripe goodness, you can read all about it here.

One other thing that’s good for drizzling on nipples and penis is honey! Just a dab on the nipples will allow you to suck it off for a while. And I used to really love honey on the tip of his penis, being careful never to let it get into his urethral opening. If you drizzle a little on the shaft, or around the head (not at the base of the shaft if he has hair, that makes things sticky), when you go down, you have this sweet, thick honey to coat your throat and keep you salivating. Mmm..mmm..good.

When it comes food, NOTHING should be placed inside her body that can’t be covered with a condom. She doesn’t need the sugars or pesticides or anything else that might be on, or in, the food to harm her delicate balance. And nothing should be placed up a bum without a flared base (base larger than the body of said object) so that it doesn’t get sucked up and have to be removed by a stranger you don’t know that asks you to call him/her doctor. If you happen to head over to the supermarket and find a perfectly curved cucumber (only you can decide what’s the perfect curve) for some G-spot play, you can place a condom over that veggie and go to town. For example, this cucumber has got a nice curve and is rather thick, if thick is your thing:

Of course, you can also go squash or zucchini and when you’re done playing with your food you can cook it up and devour the evidence. And yes, there are other foods that can work well for sex play, the thing is, it’s what works for you. Or if not to use during play, then they can possibly boost your libido. Check out Ask Men’s 11 foods to increase libido for more juicy meal options.

I’ll save sploshing and salad tossing for other food-related posts, but one thing is certain; some people think playing with food is sexy. For others, it’s just plain messy. Either way, I hope we can all agree that cooking with natural erotic material (that would be food) can definitely be yummy. Check back next Tuesday for my delicious review of an erotic cookbook that will unlock a deeper love of food.