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Wednesday, December 1 2010

Hanukkah, HIV and Hump Day

Wednesday’s are officially how to hump day here at the new-n-improved I’m-going-to-write-every-weekday-Waxman-blog. Not that you need any instruction on exactly how to hump, but rather today is designed to offer suggestions, advice, techniques and awareness to your possibly already hump-er-iffic lifestyle. It’s a big day, this December 1st, not only because it’s hump day, but because it’s World AIDS day as well as the first night of Hanukkah.

Let’s start with World AIDS day and move on from there. The thing that has changed the most since HIV was first named - sometime in the early ’80’s, oddly I remember sitting on my grandparents couch reading about this mysterious “gay” disease in, of all places, The National Enquirer - is that more and more people are living with, as opposed to dying from, HIV. That’s a great start, but that’s not the end. While Truvada, the latest HIV drug that seems to be working for some people in well-developed countries, is promising even more hope, in places like Africa, where, according to Scarleteen’s tweets, 1/2 of the cases are due to rape, there’s a lot more education, information and medication that needs to happen. You can educate yourself all over this world wide web about HIV, so why not start here.

Now, let’s get humpy, and since today is World AIDS Day (I know, I said that already) let’s talk about safer sex. For starters, if you’re not familiar with Crown Condoms, let me just say that these are definitely my favorite condoms. They’re strong and thin, and allow both the guy who hates condoms, and the girl who does to, to still feel like they’re feeling each other. Plus, if you add a dab of lube to the tip of his penis, BEFORE you unroll the condom, he may like it even more. To make life even sexier, you can learn to put a condom on with your mouth - not your teeth.

First, check the expiration date on the condom, because condoms do expire.

Next, open the condom wrapper and remove the condom. The condom, when unrolled properly, will look like this:

and NOT Do you see the difference?

To put it on with your mouth, place the reservoir tip in your mouth and suck on it like your sucking on a pacifier - or something more adult, maybe a nipple. The rim around the condom, before it’s unrolled, will still stay on the outside of your lips. Then, start by slowly placing the condom over the tip of the penis or dildo and from there, use your lips, head and neck to unroll the condom down the shaft. You can also use your hands, it’s not cheating, and if you keep bobbing that head while you “hand”le it, it’s going to look all hot anyway.

You should also hold the reservoir tip, that’s the point at the top, while you unroll the condom with your hand, and if you still have any condoms with nonoxynol-9, throw them out RIGHT NOW. That microbicide isn’t only bad for your body, but from the ever fabulous Go Ask Alice website:

“The Joint United Nations Programme on HIV/AIDS (UNAIDS), conducted a four-year study on the effectiveness of nonoxynol-9 (N-9) gel as a microbicide (a chemical substance that kills viruses and bacteria) against HIV. The study found that the women who used N-9 were not only unprotected from HIV, but became infected with the virus at an approximately 50 percent higher rate than the placebo-gel-using participants.”

I once read that N-9 was brought to the United States as a cleaning agent for hospital floors too. Whatever it’s usage, it has no right being in any body. So avoid lubes and condoms with nonoxynol-9, and try those Crown Condoms, or, Beyond Seven, for those who hang a little larger, although I think that those extra large condoms are sometimes more gimmicky than girthy. Regardless, wrap it up, use lube to make it feel better and remember that it’s World AIDS day.

Now, on to Hanukkah, that festival of lights. Since it’s hump day and Hanukkah, why not experiment with a little candle wax that isn’t only menorah friendly, but that you can actually use on your body? I love those Jimmyjane Afterglow Candles. Not only do they smell amazing, but as the wax melts it becomes a massage oil. How cool is that? Just in case it doesn’t go without saying, don’t use these directly with condoms, but for a sensual and en”light”ened experience this Hanukkah, try enjoying the flicker of candle light from more than the menorah?

Happy Hump Day!

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