It’s Thursday, which means TiT (Thursdays I Talk). Podcast number two is up. It’s a primer on phone sex, but really it’s just me and good old Fifi Jingles jabbering on about her phone sex life and my phone sex questions. If you want some quick tips, here are three:
Be descriptive, as in don’t just say “I like when you use your fingers on me”, say “I like it when you insert your middle finger into my belly button.”
Listen and react to what you’re partner is saying, not just with short and shallow uh-huh’s (unless you’re in the middle of some really intense solo sex play) but with some, “oh, your middle finger in my belly button feels so tingly and good” too.
The brain is a seriously powerful sex organ and phone sex helps you think about ways to communicate sexually and adds intimacy. Work your brain out so it keeps working for you. Yeah, that’s inspiration!
Spit is nature’s own lubricant for sure (as is vaginal lubricant too), but neither are always reliable when it comes to hot, slippery sex. When I teach oral sex workshops, I always bring along a sample of my favorite flavored lube - blue raspberry swirl. What I love about Sliquid is that it’s a water-based, glycerin free brand of personal lubricant, and it comes in so many different flavors and textures, from organic to silicone. I use them in my personal sex life, so this week I decided to review them here.
And since lubrication is one of the key’s to great sex (along with talking and breathing), you’ll want to grab Sliquid, or you’re favorite brand of lube too, because you never know when things can get dry (and you for sure need lubricant for anal sex). And yes, water-based lubes dry out more quickly than their silicone counterparts (these are the only two types of lubes that are 100% condom compatible) but there is a trick to reactivating water based lubes - just add water, or spit.
*Filmed this morning on my iPhone in 1 take sans makeup or breakfast.
At first I was planning to ramble on about penis enlargement pills today, after watching this vlog on Dr. Yvonne Fulbright’s new sensual fusion site, but that will have to wait for another day, thanks to this horrific link (NSFW) to “embarrassing bodies” courtesy of my friend Matie from Self Serve Toys.
Look, I know that we’re not all model perfect. Trust me. I’ve dated a man who told me (on multiple occasions) that I’m not even close to being a model, and that he normally only dated models, but perhaps in that one particular f&%ked up situation my dazzling personality was cause for exception. (Don’t ask why I kept dating him, that’s a whole other blog, and one I’m still trying to figure out sometimes).
I’ve grown up with body image issues, yep, have had them my whole life. My grandparents tried to bribe me to lose weight in fifth grade and my mother had to deal with her own “stuff” when it came to being thin. And thanks to being alive while she dealt with that stuff, her issues inadvertently got pushed on to me. I was chubby as a kid, and still struggle with the ups and downs of being petite without being paper thin. And I’ve talked about my issues with my own breasts, or rather my large areola, and I still deal with looking at my less than model-perky-perfect boobage and telling myself that it’s all okay.
I know you know, but I’ll say it again. I’m not a fan of plastic surgery, even if lots of young women I’ve met in LA tell me to start botox now, before the wrinkles take over my face. I think that there’s a beauty in being human, that’s the shape and form we’ve been given to work with, and we can work with it. I do. I spin. I hike. I dance. I hoop. I work out. I take care of my body because I want it to look hard and big and strong and sexy. And I can’t say I’d never do anything to myself, I get what happens as we age and I know, firsthand, that growing older is a bitch, especially as a woman. But for now, I’m keeping the skin I’m in and working out hard and learning to love myself more every day.
But you can’t work out your labia. Not really. And so, a woman either has to accept them as they are, or give in to the idea that they’re not good enough and go under the knife. What bugs the sh*% out of me in that horrific link is the idea that larger labia are embarrassing. It just makes me sick. No one says that a man with an extremely low dangling ball sac should shorten his scrotum, or that a man with a small penis should take some skin from his arm and add it to his rod, but yet we continue to discuss the idea that plastic surgery is okay if her inner lips hang lower or flower fuller than her outer ones. Why? WHY? WHY?!
Why is this wrong? Why is this ugly and cause for distress? I don’t get it. Maybe because my labia have never been a cause for concern in my mind, maybe that’s why I can’t understand this. But I can relate it back to my boobs, and still I don’t get it. If someone only loves you for how you look, what good are they? And if you only love yourself for how you look, what’s going on inside?
Maybe I’ve just been questioning a lot for too long, but in the end large lips, small dicks, none of it matters. We all go to the same storybook place in the sky, or somewhere else up above, down below, or anywhere in between, when it’s all said and done. I guess if labia surgery makes you feel like a winner, then I can’t stop you, just like if a boob job makes you feel more confident, sexy and secure, then go ahead and inflate that ego. But if it’s not going to really change how you feel about yourself, only how others perceive you, is it really worth the cutting and pasting and all that jazz?
Me thinks not.
And next time you want to see what a model really looks like, watch this:
This week’s so last week: sex news you may have missed, may require a modern web dictionary to understand words like FGM in NYC, flibanserin, textual harassment, muslim sex shop and sexsomnia. Or, maybe not.
Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) is being performed by a pediatric urologist by the name of Dix Poppas (fitting?) at Cornell University. Follow up visitors involve applying vibration to a six-year-old girls’ clitoris. Science or sexual abuse? (TheStranger)
Sex while sleeping? Canadian researchers find that 1 in 12 people suffer from sexsomnia. (Telegraph.co.UK)
So today: Textual harrassment. Text messages become a growing weapon in dating violence. (WashingtonPost)
The AIDS Healthcare Foundation (AHF) calls AIM Healthcare Foundation “a figleaf for the adult industry.” Investigation ensues. (Xbiz)
El Asira isn’t your average online sex shop. It’s the “first online halal sex shop specially designed for Muslim couples looking to spice up their marriage while adhering to Islamic principles.” (LATimes)
Study shows lesbian moms don’t screw up their kids. (AfterEllen)
When is it legal to masturbate in public? (Asylum)
Audio: Every Thursday I’ll be podcasting because I like to talk, so I’m calling Thursday’s TIT, or Thursdays I Talk. And yes I’m like an 11 year old boy sometimes, and yes, I do find calling it tit makes me smile. I’ve got a new podcast, and a title now to: Hot Sox. It’s itunes approved, and I will try to get it up - so to speak - other places and sites soon. I’m still not sure what the format of the show is. In this first episode, I ramble about relationships, transformation and then throw in a story from my “this isn’t phone sex” eyada days.
We’ll continue the phone sex conversation even more next week, when I interview the ever-too-fabu Fifi Jingles, a dear friend of mine who loves the phone sex, and we’ll talk more! more! more! about 3G/4G and other inferior makes and models of phone love.
Video: Gram Ponante, America’s beloved porn journalist sat me down and asked me questions at the secret world headquarters of his media empire. He’s not much for the editing, and sometimes it would be nice if he were, but I enjoyed watching the long and TMI interview.
Wanna see what porn stars do when they’re not having sex on camera? Off the Set: Porn Stars and Their Partners is a coffee table photography book (with a few words interspersed here and there, and a foreword by Tristan Taormino) offering a glimpse of the still-sexy, but not as “sex-all-the-timey” lifestyles of porn stars.
Perusing my local interweb for not-so-local news, I stumbled across The Magic Pill That Makes Oral Sex Taste Great. A pill, to make oral sex taste great? I scoffed at the idea. Not only because oral sex shouldn’t taste bad to begin with, but what are we talking about here? The taste of liquids that come out of the genitals, the nether regions themselves, or both?!
Then I realized that I actually had samples of this very same pill (it changes the taste of the secretions/ejaculation), a pill that was being called BOP. And there it was, sitting off on the far corner of my desk. In fact, I had two samples of these pills, BOP for him and BOP for her and I had been toying with the idea of actually swallowing the ones assigned to my assigned, or rather, accepted, gender. I’ve been hesitant. I’m wary of taking any types of pills that say they’re going to change something about my sex life. And typing this I realize, that is somewhat strange as I’m not opposed to taking pills that alter other parts of my chemical composition. I wonder why that is?
Not the point, but still interesting to me.
I haven’t thought much about needing BOP. I’ve been a vegetarian for almost 23 years, and research and “rumor” has it that vegetarians are at least slightly better tasting in their sexy bits than our carnivorous counterparts. Some people say non-meat eaters taste sweeter, and from my own research I believe that the taste of the ejaculate is definitely easier to swallow if he’s not a big drinker or bison burger muncher.
This week’s so last week, sex (and other people) news you may have missed, scans the brain and the mouth for insights into sex, marriage and moaning, plus which World Cup Soccer teams are banned from having sex during soccer?
Researchers study brain scans for insight into marriage. (NYTimes)
Do women make noise during sex to manipulate their male partners? What about lesbians? New research points to a “giant female conspiracy to make men soundproof their homes.” (io9)
Funny? Maybe, but I’m still not sure. You decide. It’s WTF, or Welcome to Friday!
It appears Mister Sharp has been badly burned by some past girlfriends. And, if he has kids, I feel for them. He’s obviously got his knickers in a bunch about pregnancy. That, and I’m not sure he likes women.