Before I head to my workshop tonight, here’s a quick tip for setting up some sexy communication between you and your partner:

I’m really digging this video thing.
This is me. Last night - before workshop number two.

Buy the waterdancer.

I shot this short video yesterday, on my way to class at Come As You Are.

This is the frenulum on a penis (picture NSFW). There are other places called frenulum on our bodies, but I’m not talking about those.

You can read about tomorrow night’s class at CAYA in today’s Toronto Star!

In this week’s Toronto* edition of Sex News Square Down we get down with marriage. Lots of marriage! From feminist weddings, to same-sex weddings in Iowa, to what a smile reveals about your marriageablity, there’s a whole lot of love in the air. And it’s way better to have love in the air than swine flu.

• Marriage finally goes gay in Iowa today. (NYTimes)
• Turn that frown upside down, especially if marriage is your goal. People who smile (for the camera) are less likely to get divorced. (LiveScience)
• Can feministing founder Jessica Valenti find a way to have her big, fat, feminist wedding without giving in to too much tradition? (TheGuardian)
• Isn’t she special and aren’t we shallow? An essay on Susan Boyle and why looks matter. (NYTimes)
• Beer goggles blur attraction. (via Sunfiltered)
• What Abby Ehmann learned from watching 500 porn movies. (Yourtango)
• You can package it in a pretty pink bow, but abstinence only education is not for everyone anyone. Can the government be fooled into continuing to contribute to this narrow-minded approach to sex ed? (AmplifyYourVoice)

*if you are in Toronto right now, why not take a workshop with me at Come As You Are tonight, tomorrow or Wed.?

Kim Airs has a hold on me at the ILS yesterday.

A list of three things I don’t envy, understand or want to wear from the International Lingerie Show in Vegas.

1. Scantily clad women with ripped tops, heaving breasts and yellow plaid schoolgirl skirts are asking everyone who comes by their booth, “would you like to try some deep throat?” As seen in yesterday’s post, I do like to try some deep throat, but I don’t want to have to push it on others.

2. The Rape Cloth?!!! WTF! I’m still looking for this booth, but there is a product that is rippable clothing. It’s a Chinese company and their marketing/description/sales game is one of those things that gets lost in translation. Swear to the porcelain gods, it’s real.

3. The model of the C String. It’s an inside out maxi pad that rides up your ass. Is it necessary to wear this, or would no underwear be easier and cheaper? And survey says panty lines are sexy.

Two of my favorite moments from ILS yesterday.

Deep Throat (a registered trademark of Arrow Productions), is the most cracked out energy drink I’ve ever experienced.

And then there was this baby:

photo found over at erosblog

or Why I am starting to like shower sex. A personal essay of little importance.

by jamye waxman

I have only recently begun appreciating sex in the shower. Before a time not too long ago or far away, I found sex in the shower wasteful (although that really hasn’t changed), difficult and highly uncomfortable (it can, at times, be more like slightly to moderately uncomfortable, it is after all generally standing or squatting sex, in a small, confined compartment. And if you’re not standing you may be on your knees, or your back, on a hard, possibly porcelain floor). But now, after some thought on the subject, I get really turned on by the idea of having sex in the shower. Between the water-on-skin combo and the thought of me arching my back, hands pressed against the tile, while pushing my ass out to receive his dick, I want to do it more and more.

I guess you don’t have to have sex standing against the wall with water pouring forth from above you to have hot standing sex. But I like the element of water. And truth is, I think about sex like this, sex in the shower, while I’m generally in the shower, getting all soapy.

And, if you do more than think about it, then think about this. If you can manage not to hold on to the hot and cold shower knobs to for support, you won’t unexpectedly temperature control your own fate. Although that stops mattering the more you get into it.

So next time you think about coming clean, think about shower sex. I’m just saying…

Sex News Square Down #22 is full of scandal and celebrity. From Sugar Babies to Scarlett Johansson, sex is in the appeal.

• Sugar daddys, mommys and babies aren’t only the names of chewy candies. In an article from this weekend’s NY Times Magazine, sugar babies outnumber sugar daddies at a rate of 10 to 1 at seekingarrangement.com. Interesting factoid: “…since the 1970s, courts have ruled that as long as the woman is paid for some service besides sex — housecleaning, companionship — the arrangement is not the equivalent of prostitution.” Question is, even if it was prostitution, is there something inherently wrong with that? It is the oldest profession. And interesting article on the age old dilemma of paying for sex. (NY Times Magazine)
• RIP Marilyn Chambers. (LA Times Blog)
• The”gay and lesbian” Amazon scandal gives birth to amazonfail. (WSJ Blogs)
  
• How to do it under water : Isabella Rossellinni makes sea animal sex sound hot (even if it looks strange) in Green Porno 2 (Sundance Channel)
• Scarlett Johansson gets heavy about her weight loss. And it’s a good piece because a healthy body image helps you to feel sexy, and sexy is as sexy does, and sexy often leads to sex, if you’re in the mood for it at least. (Huffington Post)

Can one be a true bisexual?

I hate that question actually. When I started my Masters in Human Sexuality Education back in 2001, bisexuality was the first topic I tackled in a paper I called the Bisexual Agenda. I argued around the word, calling it loaded and challenging. Apparently 7 years later, the word is still lingering between plausible and totally taboo.

My bigger question is: why do we have to worry about labels when it comes to our sexuality? Why does it matter if we like girls who are boys who like boys to be girls, or whatever derivation there of we find hot and sexy?

Back in the 50s, Alfred Kinsey - famed, and controversial sex researcher- devised a scale that he used to determine where men fell on the heterosexual verse homosexual rainbow. Men who were a zero (0) were completely heterosexual, while men who topped off at a six (6) were homosexual all the way. In between you had your slight homos, and your slight heteros. And then you had your three (3), the most balanced of the lot. The Kinsey 3 made you a bisexual through and through.

If you’ve ever placed yourself on a scale, even just to check in on how much you weigh, you know that every scale is a little off. And so even when you’re sure that you weight is 116 lbs, you head to the next scale where you weight 110. Does it really matter anyway if you have, or don’t have those extra 6 lbs? Is someone going to tell you you’re a different person because of a few extra centimeters? I don’t know if there’s really a point here, since I’m making the leap from weight to sex, but my point is that it doesn’t matter. Scales only matter as much as you place stake in what they say, and that’s the whole point. And when it comes to sexuality, it’s not about the scale or the label, its about what gets your blood flowing and your heart pounding.

I think a lot of people who aren’t evaluating their sexuality on a regular basis, like I am, think more about the person they’re with now, and the types of people they’ve been with before, when they label themselves for research that forces them to place a label on who they are, and a value on what they do. But that doesn’t mean anything to me.

Who cares if your bi, or not? If you enjoy meeting a man one night and a woman the next why does it matter? If you’re last partner was a dude and now you’re with a dudette, do you have to come out of the closet as gay, straight, bi or unsure?

My first sexual experiences were with another girl, and yes, I’ve had other experiences with women since then. But I also like men. Still, if you ask me if I am bi, I’m not. I don’t care what I am, I care who I like. And its the person, not the particulars that make it all worth while.

Still, if you think you want to know more, Fox News’ sexpert can give you some facts. But facts aren’t always enough. Just the tip of the bi-ceberg.

In an online world where voyeurism and exhibitionism will never go away (and in some ways it feels like what the Internet was made for), there’s always a place to go to find out what people like to do, or look like doing, when it comes to sex.

At 25 Things About my Sexuality you can read A LOT about someone else’s sex life without ever knowing anything else about them. They could be your neighbor, your mother or even the person you share your bed with (but then you may guess a few things), but the site is a place that encourages you to let it out, without having to out yourself.

I’m an outer though, so I decided to be more open, and although I think 25 things is too much to reveal at once, here are a 10 things about my sexuality/sex life that you may or may not know.

1. I didn’t have my first orgasm til I was 21. I thought I knew what an orgasm was before then, but once I had one, I knew I had never known.

2. I started kissing other children when I was barely in my double digits. All I knew was that it felt good to kiss.

3. I am way more submissive in bed if you’re cool with that. But I like being dominant too. It just doesn’t come as naturally in my sex life as it does in the other parts of my life.

4. My first vibrator was a Slimline. Mail ordered in a catalog that arrived in brown paper wrapping. Even though I ordered it in Ohio, when I moved back to New York, the catalog somehow followed me to my parent’s house, where it was quickly discovered by my mother.

5. I masturbated on video and it wasn’t for personal use.

6. I have faked it before, but I’ve vowed not to fake it again.

7. I was turned on by a rape scene in a movie when I was in 4th grade.

8. In high school I once had to hide in my boyfriend’s bathtub when his mother came home unexpectedly on a day we were both off from school. I was naked and locked in the room for over an hour. He then snuck me in his basement, while his mom was in her room. It took her another hour to get out of the house.

9. The longest time I’ve spent in bed with someone was 48 hours. We got up to snack and use the bathroom. Otherwise, we got off.

10. As a teenager, I wanted to be a Playboy centerfold. Thinking that might not happen, I instead enjoyed looking at the pictures and reading about their interests and aspirations.