I had originally posted an email with the amazing! new! website for my Personal Touch Video Series. Unfortunately there are still a few technical glitches that need to be worked out, and so until further notice (re:the link is really ready), you should not go there. After all, when you see it, it should be the best it can be, which is sort of like it is in the Army - where, they (being the army) say you can be the best you can be. If you don’t die in a meaningless war that is.

What I’m trying to say is if you’ve come here because you’ve been emailed a post about a particular link (see above), you may find yourself rather disappointed. But don’t be. The link will be back next week. And there are plenty of other reasons to be disappointed. This is not one of them. Now, if you’ve just stumbled upon this post and find it rather boring, please note that I’m in a rather boring mood tonight. It’s nothing personal. It just is what it is.

See, I’m a really social person but sometimes I have anti-social tendencies. And tonight is/was one of those times. Which kind of sucked, because there I was (as in, am not now), in a room full of progressive and amazing sexual performers, writers, weirdos and intellectuals and all I wanted to do was be here, at home, not having, or having anything to do with, sex. But really I wish I wanted to be out having fun because, well, it would have been fun to want to have fun tonight. So why couldn’t I get my brain wrapped around being out and having fun?

I know. Timing is everything. And tonight I was (and am) timed out.

Quote of the day from the article German Invents ‘Spray-On’ Condom to Fit All Sizes in Spiegel Online:

“With our technology we could spray a condom on an erect elephant.”

My dear friend Audacia Ray has launched a new site. I love the title, Live Girl Review and I love that she reviewed Personal Touch: Volume 1. She made some good points, although I can’t say that I agree with her about her ideas about porn and sex education. I still think that we need to make porn that educates, even if it educates in a subliminal manner.

I’ve never liked turkey, but I may have to make an exception here.

We’ve been in Denver since last Friday. It snowed yesterday and that was nice. Now it’s cold here, and there’s still snow on the ground, and it’s supposed to snow some more, and it’s the first time all fall that I’ve remembered what it feels like to have winter, which while isn’t my favorite feeling per se, isn’t so bad in a state where there’s not as much wind chill. Man, wind chill really is a bitch. Just like humidity. Which is why, if my boyfriend wasn’t originally from Colorado, I’d make him move back here RIGHT NOW, but alas he is, and he won’t and so for now I’m staying put in wind chill laden NYC. Also, big props to Hysteria, the best sex shop in Denver! If you live in town, or pass on by sometimes, stop in and check it out. It’s a husband and wife owned/operated store, and they are good people. Really good people.

Okay. The strangest thing happened to my cell phone yesterday. The weirdest part for me was that I had this dream two nights ago that I needed to get a new cell phone. Yesterday, when I woke up, I couldn’t find my phone anywhere. I called it, and it rang, so that was good enough for me. About ten minutes later Jonny’s sister found it in the garage. When I opened it the screen was cracked and the picture was gone. So now I can’t call anyone whose number I don’t know by heart, and I’ll have to get a new phone. It’s all because George Michael was playing on the stereo, and therefore I got a tad bit too excited (some of his songs are so fun) and I lost my cell phone in all the action (singing and dancing). Still, it’s so strange, because I really did, actually dream that I’d need a new phone that night. How did I know that while I slept my phone was suffering in the garage?

And speaking of suffering, I’m not sure how I feel about Thanksgiving, at least about Thanksgiving as an actual holiday. It’s like here we are, celebrating the fact that we stole things, like land, from the people who were here before us. We didn’t think about sharing, and we obviously didn’t think about caring about our fellow man. So what are we supposed to be thankful for when it comes to the holiday? The cruelty and meanness that man can inflict upon man? Aren’t we continuing with the Thanksgiving tradition by trying to “be the boss” in Iraq? It’s like we’ll never learn.

Alas, bitch, bitch, moan, moan.

I’m done.

I am thankful about things, like living and breathing (which would probably be number one on most people’s lists if they aren’t sad or unhappy or suicidal) and so, on the day to give thanks, I’ve made up my own top ten list that doesn’t include this one thing I’m most thankful for. In fact it’s only about sex.

Sex things I’m thankful for:

1. Lube - whether it be of the self-made kind or the store-bought type.

2. The way he feels when he first enters me.

3. The Eroscillator. One big, ugly vibe that delivers beautiful orgasms.

4. The orgasm face. Especially his orgasm face.

5. Orgasms.

6. My discount at Babeland

7. My book and videos which are all about lots of different types of sex - or maybe I should be thankful for constant self-promotion. Hey, if you can’t promote yourself, how can you promote anybody else?

8. My mostly fabulous review in the December/January issue of Bust!

9. Warm penis. Especially warm penis that I love.

10. Tongue.

Happy day off to most of you in America!

Wow! This movie is real. Real as in this movie has really been made, but not real as in it’s based-on-a-true- story-real. The movie’s called Teeth, and it’s about a woman who has, uhm, something ferociously obnoxious in her vagina. Something like teeth, or maybe actual teeth (well as actual as Linda Lovelace’s clitoris was in her mouth in Deep Throat). I don’t know about this one, although it’s apparently gotten some good buzz. I think I’ll have to see the movie, but I’m also a bit apprehensive. I mean, this totally smells like some sort of negative message about women, don’t you think? We haven’t seen a movie about a guy who has a razor dick. Or have we and I just missed it maybe? Somehow I doubt I missed it. And somehow I don’t think razor dick would be as socially acceptable as a vagina that bites. What-eva.

In other news - the fine folks and folkettes over at Boinkology gave this fab review of my book!

I got, what I’d call a fantastic write-up on Fleshbot for Personal Touch Volume One: Toying with Pleasure. Volume Two: Seeking Monogamy without Monotony was just released too!!! I’ll link to it soon, but I will say this now, I like it…I like it a lot.

I have lots more to say, especially about this stupid People magazine naming Matt Damon sexiest man alive (I mean how do you figure that?), but it will have to wait, as I’m about to head out to Denver in about six hours and I’m not ready yet. But I will be ready tomorrow, when I’m at hysteria sex shop at 6:30PM for a wine and cheese meet and greet and a workshop on female masturbation!

It’s a youtube day!

Ikea has a sense of humor! I love that they use a vibrator in their commercial.

My friends cat has a thing for the AVN (Adult Video News Industry) trade magazine. The music makes this video even better.

I’ll be in Denver this Friday night, if you’ll be there too.

Things I know about my (sex) life:

1. Vibration can always get me off in under five minutes and that’s okay with my partner.
2. He means it when he talks dirty to me.
3. My friends think I’m sexy and want to get in my pants.
4. It only gets better!
5. I will continue to evolve sexually.
6. It’s okay not to always want to do it.
7. It’s even more okay to use lube (silicone’s my favorite).
8. My cat knows when it’s not okay to disturb us.
9. Cuddling is important, sometimes more important to him than to me, but that’s okay too.
10. Doggie style can sometimes feel too deep.
11. Mornings are my favorite time to have him inside of me.
12. He loves to make me come.
13. I love to come. But sometimes I don’t care if I do.
14. I love to make me come too.

On another note, the book party rocked! Thanks to all of you who showed up. That night has made my day over and over again. I can’t tell you how much it means to me to feel so supported, and to get to speak to a full house about masturbation. And on top of that, we sold every single (of my) book in the store!!! And I got to show my behind the scenes of the first Personal Touch movie I made, and that means I showed porn in a bookstore! How cool is that?

As cool as it gets, I suppose. At least for right now.

I’m loving the new look of my blog. Thanks Michael!

Tonight, for the ladies (and then for the guys) I’m teaching another “sword swallowing,” aka “how to go from suck to blow,” aka “blowjob” class. You can sign up here! And if you can make it to the LES of NYC on Wednesday night, please come to (but probably not at) my book party at Bluestockings.

It’s for my brand-spanking-new book Getting Off: A Woman’s Guide to Masturbation. In the words of my father, “It’s so thick.” (the book, that is).

The Rotary Club:
Speaking of my dad, I was the guest speaker last Thursday at his weekly rotary club luncheon. When he first asked me to visit, he told me I should talk about what it was like to be a radio producer for Joan Rivers and Alan Colmes. Which I thought was weird, cause, like I haven’t done that in years. So, I told him that was so 1999, and that if he wanted me to be his guest he’d have to get with the program. (Okay, no I don’t talk to my dad like this, but I’m trying to be all cool and sh-t here)..So we agreed upon a “relationship clinic” workshop of sorts. My father made me nervous all before it happened. He told me not to mention words like sex toys, or sex, and to try to stick with things like intimacy and romance. I don’t generally talk like this, so needless to say it was a bit challenging not to allow pussy to slip out of my mouth, but I did it, and it’s over, and life goes on.

The NYC Marathon:
Yesterday, when I watched the marathon I got all teary eyed. We were woken up by a live band playing on the corner of where we lived. They rocked and so we rolled out of bed, and watched the last hour of runners run by our block. It was so cool, and my favorite was a 75 year old man who wore a shirt that said, “Older, Wiser, Sexier.” And the back said, “I jive at 75.” While I still wouldn’t do him, I think that’s hot!

Sex:
Do we get what we desire in sex. Is what we do in our sex lives what turns us on in our brains? I want to know your top sexual fantasies, and if you act them out. Also, why they’re a turn on. It’s for an article for Zink Magazine. If you’re willing to participate, email me at hottwax@gmail.com.