January 31, 2021

Porn and Pancakes

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What are you having for breakfast? Porn and Pancakes, perhaps? If not, maybe you'll think twice about it. I hear that the XXX Church is trying to get Pamela Paul to flip pancakes. If not, oh well, I'm sure theyíll still taste bittersweet.

Porn and Pancakes peaked my interest after being reported here. It bills itself as "straight talk about porn and the porn industry," and while I can agree that a lot of the porn industry is exactly what you and me both wish it wasn't, there are good people trying to do good things, and really, that shouldn't be overlooked at a time when "straight talk" about the industry isn't going to touch on any of that. I'm not saying there isn't a whole lot of slime out there (there is) and a whole group of shitty people doing it for the money without any interest in the talent or even the product (there are) but I am saying that there are a whole group of people making porn because they're trying hard to make something that doesn't come attached with the stigma of the seedy parts of the sex industry. And the fact that porn sells, and will always sell, is incentive enough to try to make a change.

And change takes time. And after this year's adult entertainment expo, I believe that change is starting to happen. But it is a slow process, and it is difficult to go in there and do something different and expect people, both in and out of the industry, to embrace it, especially when they've been so successful with doing what they do, and so ostracized by so many other people they donít know. But instead of everyone having all of these problems with porn, why not do something about it? Like make your own movies. Or set up a fund that helps educate the women in this business on their decisions. Or, just shut the fuck up.

And the fact that some people, particularly men, become so engrossed in porn will obviously be addressed as well as this breakfast buffet. But I have to say this, I think that a lot of men who find porn as a sexual outlet, and then make it their single or primary outlet, find porn because it is the only way they don't feel ashamed about sex. Some of these people can't communicate sexually with their partners, because honestly when are we taught enough about sex to actually want to talk to our partner about anything? And some people have partners who could care less about doing it, and just because that's okay for one person, doesn't mean it's okay for the other. So maybe instead of talking about the "dangers" of porn, we talk about ways to educate men and women to talk about their sexual preferences, to discuss sex and to feel safe in doing so.

I did my masters in sex education partly because I wanted to bridge the gap between adult entertainment and academia, and partly because I wanted a background in sex ed for when I write about sex. I know that most adult entertainment doesn't care about sex ed and I think thatís because they never had any to begin with, and because most people in the sex ed field shy away from any association with porn. Academia doesn't care about porn because they think that porn is not good sex education. But (Iíve said this before, and damn it, Iíll say it again) the truth is that most people learn their sex education through porn, so why don't we find a way to make some porn that educates and to put more education into porn? Like show a woman putting a condom on her partner, so that men and women can see how to do it, and also so that people see that other people actually do use condoms. Or explain at the beginning of a video why you wonít see condoms in the sex scenes (because everyone gets tested, the performers talked about it beforehand and decided not to use them, whatever). Show a woman doing a breast exam (which I know is not ďsexĒ per se) in a shower scene, so that a woman can be reminded (even if itís by her porn watching husband) to do a self-breast exam. Have a couple talking about the reasons why they love sex, and what they do for each other, so that other couples can get ideas.

Instead of shame and blame, let's find a way to eat pancakes and talk about porn without only talking about the negative effects. I . I know a lot of performers who love what they're doing, enjoy being in the industry and hope to make the sex-world a better place. Maybe Iím being totally unrealistic, but if I give up this part of my dream of better porn, then I feel like I'm giving up for a lot of people who really need, and want, change. And I'm just not ready to do that.

Posted by jamye at January 31, 2021 11:27 AM