September 14, 2021

The day my spacebar died

And it's probably all my fault. This got a little long in the end, so excuse my lack of creativity at times.

(sung to the tune of American Pie)

Not so very long ago...
I can still remember when
my spaces used to come with ease.
And I thought that the day would last,
Only now it's gone, so fast,
All because I cleaned the keyboard - please.

I removed the spacebar button
Cleaned it better than some clean mutton.
It wouldn't go back easy;
Now I feel queasy.

I canít remember what I did
When I removed the springs under the lid,
But I have to pound it every time,
Since the day the spacebar died.

So bye-bye, my spacebar key.
Drove my brainy quite insaney, but you still won't be.
I can't type a sentence without wanting to cry
Singiní, "why o why did you die.
"why o' why did you die."

I can't write my book of love,
And I'm losing faith in God above,
Because I have no spacebar.
Do you believe that you'll be fixed,
Will I be able to do tricks
And can you teach me how to do it, real slow?

Well, I know that youíre hardly working now
`cause I feel you every time I push
It's getting harder every chance
Man, I dig how you once danced.

I was a lonely writer sitting home
With a cat named Blue and a Vonage phone
And I knew I was out of luck
The day the spacebar died.

I started singiní,
"bye-bye", my spacebar key.
Drove my brainy to the insaney,
but you still won't be.
I can't type a sentence without wanting to cry
Singiní, "why o why did you die."
"why o' why did you die."

If in ten years you still won't type
I'll be past all this hype
Cause thatís just how it has to be.
When I sang for a computer geek,
In a coat I borrowed from a freak
No voice would come from you and me,

Oh, and while the geek was reading this,
He laughed and smiled in his bliss.
And this song was dismissed;
with no help commissed.
And while Jamye read a book of quarks,
The geeks got together in the park,
And we masturbated in the dark,
The day the spacebar died.

We were singing,
bye-bye, my spacebar key.
Drove my brainy to the insaney, but you still won't be.
I can't type a sentence without wanting to cry
Singiní, "why o why did you die.
"why o' why did you die."

Helter skelter in a computer shelter.
The spacebars flew off in a blistering swelter,
Eight miles high and crashing fast.
The cats now on the windowsill.
I'm starting to feel really ill.
With the spacebar on the sidelines in a cast.

Now the spacebar is marching to it's own tune
While I try to type wearing sweet perfume.
We all got up to dance,
Oh, but we all went into a trance!
`cause the spacebar tried to take the field;
The angry writer refused to yield.
Do you recall what was revealed
The day the spacebar died?

We started singing,
"bye-bye, my spacebar key."
Drove my brainy to the insaney, but you still won't be.
I can't type a sentence without wanting to cry
Singiní, "why o why did you die.
"why o' why did you die."

Oh, and there we were all in one place,
A keyboard lost in space
With no time left to start again.
So come on: space be nimble, space be quick!
Spacebar sat on a candlestick
When fire is the spacebar's only friend.

Oh, and as I typed with lots of rage
My hands were clenched, without finishing one page.
No computer born in hell
Could break this spacebar's spell.
And as the keys got harder to make right,
The spacebar only got more tight,
I saw computer geeks laughing with delight
The day the spacebar died

They were singing,
"bye-bye, my spacebar key."
Drove my brainy to the insaney, but you still won't be.
I can't type a sentence without wanting to cry
Singiní, "why o why did you die.
"why o' why did you die."

I met a girl who sang the keys
And I asked her for some happiness please
But she just smiled and turned away.
I went down to the computer store
Where you could buy a new keyboard before,
But the man there said the spacebar wouldnít play.

And in the streets: the children screamed,
The lovers cried, and the writers dreamed.
But not a word was written;
The spacebars all were smitten.
And the three people I admire most:
My father, friends, and Casper - friendly ghost,
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the spacebar died.

And they were singing,
"bye-bye, spacebar key."
Drove my brainy to the insaney, but you still won't be.
I can't type a sentence without wanting to cry
Singiní, "why o why did you die."
"why o' why did you die."

Posted by jamye at September 14, 2021 11:18 PM