June 25, 2021

The Fake "O"

I've always been amused when a heterosexual man brags to me, or at least is extremely proud of the fact, that none of the women he's been with has ever faked an orgasm. I secretly smile when thinking about the fact that he thinks that in all the times he's had sex, each woman has been completely satisfied, orgasmic and honest with him. That he thinks of himself as one of the most talented and sexually gifted men in the world to have that special ability to know how to please each and every woman, every time he penetrates her.

And that's when I usually say:

FACT: Approximately 30% of women can orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. The other 70% need some other sort of stimulation as well.

For a moment he, of course, thinks that what I'm saying is a load of bull doody, and that even if I spoke the truth, he's happened to beat the odds. But he's more (obviously) sensitive about his abilities to get her off, then admit that she's probably faked it. At least once. Somewhere down the road. And maybe it was with him.

Of course men can fake it too, although I think it's a bit harder (no pun intended). I mean if he's wearing a condom, he can do a couple of quick, hard thrusts, and then gently remove himself from the situation. There he quietly and discreetly slips the condom off of his partially erect penis, he wraps it in a tissue, and throws it in the garbage in the kitchen, making sure it's packed deep down in the bin, so even if his partner decides to go sifting through the garbage, odds are it won't be worth the discovery of what was really (not) there. But the fact that there's often tangible, physical evidence when he comes makes it a bit riskier to fake it. But still, like I said, men do fake it. It's just probably not as often as women do.

I don't know what percentage of women fake it, or how often, but I do know the general reasons why we do it. It's because we're tired, sore or just not that in to it, and knowing that once we get off, you'll be more turned on to get off, or just plain finish up already, makes us hurry up and (not really) come. And it's much easier for us to fake it. I mean our orgasms are a series of contractions, you can't always feel them. Of course a man's contractions can be the same way too I suppose. And we don't always, or often, depending on the woman, secrete something special when we're finished.

Of course, as I type this, I'm sure my lovers, past and present, are sitting here going, "I know she never faked an orgasm with me," because y'know the ego is a terrible thing to break.

And my answer to all those men:

FICTION: No, of course not.

I haven't faked an orgasm with every guy, but I've faked an orgasm as least a few times. It's not that the sex doesn't feel good, it's just that sometimes I have things to do or places to be. And for me, coming isn't everything.

FACT: Men take approximately 2-5 minutes to orgasm from penetration. Women take approximately 20 minutes to achieve an orgasm through penetration.

But for a lot of people it's all about the orgasm. So when someone fakes it, it's a blow to their ego and their sexuality. But it shouldn't be. I promise, this time, I'm not faking.

I'm teaching in New York tomorrow night, one class for women and one class for men. Interested in attending? Find out more at Moxie in the City.

Posted by jamye at June 25, 2021 03:07 PM