March 06, 2021


Tonight. Sexy Spirits. 7:15PM - 301 W. 55th St. New York, NY.

It's not easy to write something regularly that really interests everybody. If you happen to blog approximately 275 days of the year, that's a lot of days to have to come up with something fresh and interesting to say. Or you have to look at a lot of other people's sites in order to have lots of fresh and interesting things to link to. Either way, I'm not that kind of girl, and when I started this blog, I was single, looking to improve my writing skills, and looking even harder to improve my chances of getting laid. I wrote a lot about my dating life and the freaks and weirdos that I would usually go out with. I contemplated ever finding love and thought that maybe I would just be one of those happily single, crazy-haired, cat ladies. And although I liked relationships, I wasn't too concerned with finding 'the one.' I was just happy finding the one who would stay around for at least a few weeks.

And then it happened. And he didn't only stay a few weeks, he actually moved in with me. And then we took in a foster cat with particularly smelly breath (at least his breath is really smelly this morning), and we became a unit, and we work and function that way. And he's more than eveything I could have asked for, but this makes for a boring blog, and maybe that's why I started to think about what I write. So now that I don't have the single in the city angle that tends to attract the most readers to a site, what can I do to matter?

It's a question I've been asking myself a lot. See, I'm in a field with a lot of other strong, smart and sexy women, and we're all trying to do the same thing, which is talking about sex in an acceptable and free manner. A lot of the others have published some sort of book, or made a video, or a statement, that has brought them into the spotlight, but I've spent most of my career helping others get ahead. A few years back, when I decided to take the plunge and leave the producer in me behind, I had to leave town in order to return again. Well, at least to come back to not having to take any producing job I was offered. (Although I still produce because lack of money scares me, but that's neither here nor there)...And it's been a slow and gradual transition. More people see me as a sexpert or sexplorer (the term I prefer) than a freelance producer, but have I done anything that matters?

God, that sounds so egotistical. I mean, who am I to even care if what I do makes a difference? I should just be doing anyway. I mean who is anybody, really. But that's some philosophical woo-hoo, and I'm not all that philosophical today. And I'm not in a bad space AT ALL, but I just want to make sure that I don't care if I matter, even though I'd like to matter anyway. Look, I'm chasing my tail. Okay. Stop.

Reese Witherspoon, upon accepting her Academy Award for Best Actress, mentioned that she wanted to make sure she did something that matters, and that now she felt as if she did. This got me thinking about doing the same. I'm going to keep blogging, because it helps with my writing, and it's a good place to get my thoughts out, and truthfully I just love doing it. But I want to help do more to make people feel good, to appreciate their bodies, to enjoy sex and to learn, love and laugh. I'm not upset that I'm no longer the belle of the ball (sac), *I have no idea what that means, but I needed to put some sick, twisted humor into this entry but I want to make sure that I'm not becoming a boring, middle aged houselady with one bad breathed foster cat either. I just want to talk about sex. And sometimes about life. And how they both change so much and so often.

I don't know what my point is, outside of wanting to matter. Just so I don't feel like I'm living to go through the motions.

Posted by jamye at March 6, 2021 02:56 PM