February 13, 2021

Older Virgins

I'm a bit late in the game, but I just rented and watched The 40 Year Old Virgin. Having heard that this movie was hysterical, and that it was one of the best movies of the year, I didn't think I could go wrong. We were about to rent A Dirty Shame, the John Waters movie that I've heard was actually hilarious, but when we got up to the counter and I saw the box for The 40 Year Old Virgin, I quickly changed my mind. Of course it helped that the clerk told me and my very hesitant boyfriend that the AFI (which I assume is the American Film Institute) voted it one of the top 10 movies of the year. J. was still apprehensive. I convinced him that we could rent this, and then next time we watched a movie we'd rent High Noon with Gary Cooper and Grace Kelly (which had been his choice for the evening). Although hesitant, he finally agreed. That made me as happy as a 40 year old virgin about to get laid.

Just a few weeks before watching the movie I got a call from an old friend. John Doe is almost 40, a smart, sweet and sensitive guy and he also happens to still be a virgin. He had been affected by the movie and called me to vent about his feelings. I figured he knew more about this than I did, since he had more experience being a virgin, or less experience in some ways, and that before I could engage in dialogue, I needed to see the movie. My sister loved "The Virgin," my friend A. loved it too, and basically everbody I knew who had seen the movie (everyone but John Doe) ranted and raved about the damn thing, so I was sure I'd jump on the bandwagon soon enough.

But I'm not going to be joining the gravy train. I didn't love it. Not at all. Yeah, there were funny parts, although both J. and I agreed that the best part was so trivial, it was when the 40 year old virgin was drunk at the end of the movie and he stood up to talk to his friend, and it was this weird way of getting up, that was funny and probably the most memorable five seconds for both of us. There was an extra 17 minutes not seen in the theaters, and this extra footage made the movie quite long, actually too long, and the joke got old after a while. And I don't think that most 40 year old virgins have a really easy time meeting women, not the way this one did. He was good looking, and nice, charming and funny, and most men who don't have sex, but might want to, by the time they are 40 are often more awkward in appearance and demeanor.

But maybe I'm wrong. I only know one almost-40 year old virgin, which still might be more 40 year old virgins than most people know. It's not a bad thing that he is how he is (my friend John Doe), but he's strange, and seems even older than he is, even though he's not that old, and his dress is a bit antiquated in style, and he lives in a strange space, but still, he's a really good guy, although he knows that I think that sometimes he looks like a serial killer. Regardless of the reasons John Doe can't get laid, they aren't the same reasons that the 40 year old virgin didn't. In fact, the 40 year old virgin still had experience, something I'm not sure that my friend John Doe has at all. And I still want to hire a pro for John Doe who I think needs to get laid, but I'm afraid this movie might have made him feel worse about things. I'm not sure. We haven't talked since I've seen the movie, so now it's time to find out.

I remember when I was still a virgin, back in the day, and I was always afraid that I wouldn't get to experience sex in this lifetime. And now, looking back, I think that while I'm still glad I've had the experiences I've had, I don't think that being a virgin is the worst thing in the world. There are lots of worse things one can be, even if there are lots of better movies that one can watch.

Posted by jamye at February 13, 2021 03:04 PM