February 08, 2021


My friend Chaunce keeps posting things about our past life together. Last night on the phone, he tells me that this week, his featured eYada radio show (eYada was a talk radio company on the Internet. It was really one of the first of its kind, and it was my favorite office job ever. And although it ended over four years ago, Chaunce still finds the need to keep the flame alive) is from the first time I produced for him. I haven't heard it yet myself, and I'm not sure I'll listen, not because I don't have fond memories of those days, although I do have fond memories plus some really, really bad ones, but because that was so many years ago and who knows how naive, young, stoned and/or stupid I might sound. Chaunce's show was full of wild antics, naked women, pee buckets and hemorrhoids, and I saw a lot of things on that show that I've never talked about with anyone.

But, if you want to listen to my debut on "The Chaunce Hayden Show" you can listen to it for me. Then let me know what you think.

Speaking of think, it's something I've been doing a lot of today, well basically every day since I became conscious of thought. Well, I'm doing a lot of thinking when I'm not doing a lot of other things that I can't get into for reasons I can't get into right now.

Last night, I got home late (as usual) and J. was sitting at the computer finishing up some work for his site. After he was done, he turned around and asked;

"Do you ever daydream?"
"That's the problem," he stated as if he had just recently discovered the cure for cancer or something like that.
"I daydream all the time, ever since I was a kid. I think about flying, or far away places, or something magical and fairytale like. You should daydream more. It'll help relax your brain."

So then, of course I thought, how many people never relax their brains?

Okay. Maybe J.'s right, but I hardly daydream. I don't think I have the time to let my mind rest like that. But maybe that's part of the problem. Maybe it's because I'm a realist, and although I like cartoons, and nice fluffy images of pretty things, I think about what's real. Not what could be real, and not what might never happen, but more of what is.

And that ISn't always so good.

Daydreaming is about taking the time to get away from time, and I have no time to do that. But that's all in the timing, and speaking of timing, it's been the focus of my non-daydreaming brain all day today. See, even if just by a few days, my timing is off on some project I thought I wanted. But now I realize if it doesn't happen that's okay too, because that might mean my timing is really on, and that things will happen some other way, more like the way they should happen. Maybe further down the road it will all work out the way I want it to, and maybe not, but I won't know at this moment. In a life where nothing is guaranteed, I want everything now. And the more I think about wanting things now, the more I realize that maybe I'm living in one big daydream after all.

Posted by jamye at February 8, 2021 04:31 PM