February 03, 2021

Lots o' sex vs. less than lots o' sex

My Relationshifts is up again. This time it's about love affairs. Can a torrid love affair last? Does a long lasting relationship have that same sizzle?

I was lying in bed with J. this morning when we got to talking about our sex life. It's always been a sore spot, but not in the traditional I feel sore today sort of way. It's one of those things I tend to pick at, like a scab that has the misfortune of forming in one of those easy to reach places. It's not that it's bad, in fact it feels very, very good, (picking at scabs does too) and the sex only continues to get better, because at the beginning it wasn't as good and it was strange and confusing and loving but something was missing, and now that something isn't missing, it's just that after months of being forced to figure things out, it's hard for a person like me to just enjoy the ride...

which by the way means that this whole entry will be filled with TMI, and that's too much information, to go along with the fact that I might have TMJ, and whatever. I tried acupuncture for the second time, but for the first pleasant experience, and absolutely loved it...

anyway, we've never had one of these I need to jump your bones right here, right now, and then four hours from now, and then four hours from then, and then, fuck it, let's not get out of bed this weekend, sort of relationships. Not that that's a bad thing, it's just that it's the thing we've been used to for the past few years, excluding my first lover and now, again, my current one (and J. says he's had quite a few of these as well). It's not that I necessarily want that all day/all night soreness that endures for too long because you just can't stop having sex, it's just that, I feel insecure. See, in the last few unhealthy relationships, the sex was always healthy. We ravaged each other like a lion picking at a carcass, and I really did enjoy (if not every, then almost) every minute of it. But now, that's not the case, since I've already said we don't have that type of relationship.

But we're working on it, and I'm working on the feelings of uncertainity I feel because my boyfriend doesn't want to insert himself into my body every chance he gets.

It's not a bad thing, it's just a thing, and as a sex educator it's a thing I'm dealing with in both my personal and my professional world.

Posted by jamye at February 3, 2021 05:01 PM