January 25, 2021


I sometimes think that if I was getting paid to write this blog, I'd feel less guilty about stopping everything I'm doing because of this sick compulsion I have to write. But it's not the only compulsion I've got, and since it's one of the less offensive, less annoying ones, it's one that I continue to carry on with. Since I'm sharing my compulsions, here are some others:

1. I feel the need to pick my nose while in a car. It doesn't matter if I'm driving alone or sitting as a passenger, when in a car, surrounded by windows, and sometimes at a stoplight, I'll dig deep into the warmth. The bigger the booger the better. I don't eat them anymore, now I usually wipe the on a tissue if one should be available, otherwise on my clothing, the car, or whatever I need to to get it off my finger. I just picked my nose now, because like yawning, after talking about something, you sometimes feel inclined to do it.

2. I pick my nails and my skin too. It looks gross, it's painful, but I do it anyway. I actually enjoy the pain, and have, since a child, enjoyed certain types of pain (yes, that also makes me a masochist). I usually pick or bite my thumbnails. My sister used to do the same and now her thumbnail is totally fucked up, but I can't stop. I know I must, but like I said, it's a compulsion. If you see, you'll notice that my right thumb isn't looking too hot these days.

3. I have a compulsion for new sponges and toothbrushes. I can't use a sponge or a toothbrush for long periods of time. I'm constantly changing them, for fear of germs. If I see someone wipe the countertop with the dish sponge it goes bye bye and must be replaced. Yet, I am not a germaphobe in the least in most other ways. And I just got a sonicare, so I'm sure that will change.

4. If the window is open, I compusively look at my email inbox while online. I usually have to shut down the email in order to focus. It's not that I want to feel needed, it's that I feel like it's my only contact with the outside world.

Posted by jamye at January 25, 2021 04:31 PM