August 04, 2021

American Crankster

Jamye's-back-close-up.jpg My back. Distorted.

Oh, what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day...okay, it's actually not how I'm feeling at all, but I didn't want to start a post this way...

I feel angry today, but I'm not sure why. Well, I have my reasons, but they aren't reasons to feel particularly angry, that might be the wrong emotion, but for some reason almost anything anyone can do or say right now seems to be pissing me off.

Sometimes when you have a blog you can't say what you mean, because some of the people that you mean to say things about might read what you say. I'm super frustrated right now because I want to be Jamye Waxman, sex educator - although maybe a better, more clever title would be nice, and I don't want to feel like I'm being owned by any other company or thing, although I don't mind being part of other entities. Maybe I'm just having a shitty sort of moment, but I'm feeling like I'm not doing enough for me right now, and I'm doing more of what other people want, which makes sense, since I'm getting paychecks from other people, but at some point I want to be an independent contractor, and I'm not quite sure how to do that and still get paid with health benefits. Yeah, this is probably nothing to bitch about, but sometimes we all bitch about nothing. Am I making any sense? Or should I just find a way to curl back up in a ball and go to bed. Speaking of bed, I've been really tired all week, and I haven't done all that much to be tired about. Hmm..

Okay, onto other topics.

The Birth Control Pill. Is it giving me, and ladies like me, cancer?

That's what the 'a little bit more sarcastic than he should have been' auyrvedic doctor told me. That being on the pill is eventually going to give me cancer - breast or ovarian - so that western medicine can make money off me while they don't do much to cure me. I don't think he realized what a paranoid hypochondriac he was dealing with, but now I can't shake what he said. I don't know how I feel, maybe when I find a good, loving, caring gyno (does she exist?!) I can ask her all these questions, since the last gyno I saw isn't quite that woman, and I do need to find someone else who cares in the NYC area.

Still, I like being on the pill. Even if I'm bleeding days before I take the placebo pills. It's just that now I might like being on the pill for (some of) the wrong reasons.

Perhaps tomorrow I'll wake up on the right side of the bed and none of this will matter. Perhaps.

Oh, and remember - Sirius Radio, OutQ Tomorrow night at 8:15, the Derek and Romaine show. Then I might go hang out with "the fellas" on another show. Just check it out. Check me out. Make me happy.

Posted by jamye at August 4, 2021 02:30 PM