May 01, 2021

May Day

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Happy Birthday Dad...(in case you read this blog even though I wish you wouldn't)

Something's going on in my mind. I'm not sure what the fuck it is. I had the worst and scariest dream that I can remember having in a long time. I mean that monster dream a few months back - that one was scary, but this one, this one felt like it could have been real, and I haven't been able to sleep since.

We, meaning the family I grew up with, were sleeping in the house we lived in growing up, when my mother woke up claiming she heard a noise. She actually woke all of us up, my father, my brother, my sister and me, and had us go downstairs together to figure out what the noise was.

When we got downstairs, the five of us started screaming "hello, we know you're here," although I don't think I had heard the noise at all really, and was just following the instincts of my mother, and then she yelled "show us your face."

And three men with giant uzi's and big, broad shoulders and purple swanky suits came out of nowhere and looked as if they were about to kill each of us. I don't know why, but in my first instinct I ran out the door, leaving the rest of my family behind to presumably die. I think this is the most disturbing part of the dream for me. And then, when I found safety I called my grandmother to tell her what happened and she asked me why I left everyone?

I didn't have an answer but I found out later they had all escaped, however, the four of them had been held prisoner for quite a while. Then some Jewish mafia guy I knew, I think he was my uncle's father, swore revenge on some other mafia guy. He said this was a mafia thing. I don't know. But I haven't been able to sleep since.

Am I a coward?

I think I'm connected to the mafia in some way. But it wasn't in this lifetime. Now, that may sound strange, but so be it.


I went to a rockin' seder last night. It was an invite only sort of thing and I was invited at the last minute, but I was okay with playin' the understudy. In fact, it gave me a chance to hang out with some of my favorite bloggers.

Now. I must go back to work. Tonight I'm supposed to read at a Masturbation May event. Tuesday we start taping. I feel so unprepared!

Posted by jamye at May 1, 2021 09:40 AM